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mel1

stuck in quicksand, falling into a black hole

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I have been back and forth with my moods- to the extreme. This is the worst off I've been in a along time. I feel so disconnected and detached that it is really hard to type- like I am a robot and forgot how. I can barely get out of bed adn only do do to feed my kids and make an attempt to give them attention. I feel like I am on the verge of going insane. I don't remember ever feeling this way. No one seems to take me serioulsy. I don't know how long I can make it. No one understands. I don't feel mentally safe. i ran out of my AD but don't have the energy to refill my prescription. It doesn't work anyway, so what the hell. i feel like I am in a "zone" tht I can't eet out of. A zombie.like someone is beating a drum inside my head. I feel so dead inside. I feel sorry for my kids. I wish they had a better mother.

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When is the last time you saw your pdoc? Or is your pdoc one of the people who doesn't take you seriously? If your AD's weren't working, it sounds like it's time for a med change.

Bear in mind that the brain on AD's gets used to the extra seratonin, and even if it wasn't necessarily helping, your brain will miss it. So going abruptly off the AD's could very likely make you feel worse.

I had a bitch of a time coming off Paxil, even a very small amount. You will want to taper off with the help of your doctor.

It would also probably be good to have some friends or family around now for extra support. xoxo

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Call your pdoc or tdoc...force yourself or you may slip further into a dark hole. Do it for your kids.

N.J.

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Just try to hold on for another week. You've mentioned in previous posts about getting help from your family. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

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I think I just replied to your other thread. Either that or I'm crazy. haha Go to your future pdocs office and tell the receptionist you Must talk to someone. Blathering and being incoherent is to your advantage. Just don;t threaen or become violent. Lay on the floor in a fetal position if need be. Take a friend to support you. Think of yourself first!! Us woman are always making excuses about not getting the care we need...my hubby would be upset..my kids could be traumatized. They'll get over it, they have group meetings in most hospitals, and visiting is usually encouraged. You would do more harm to your kids by being home yet unable to care for them properly. I hope you keep us posted! Stay safe! IN DOUBT CALL 911!

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If you don't think you can hang on for another week, then by all means take yourself to a hospital. They can get you back on meds immediately if needed. Please keep posting here. I don't have anything profoundly useful to tell you, just that someone is out here listening to you and hoping you are ok.

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I replied to your other thread. Phone book under mental health see if there is a crisis intervention in your area. They can help. ER will help if you have a plan on hurting yourself or others. PM me if you want I understand.

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the test as to whether or not you should go to the hospital is if you feel safe from killing yourself or not. please, don't hesitate to go to the hospital if you feel unsafe. do it for your kids if you know you need to go. my first visit to the hospital was way overdue.

the hospital is there for you. don't be one who hesitates and regrets it.

my dad isn't with us anymore because he didn't go to the hospital. don't let it be you! you're valuable and have a lot to contribute to your kids and the world. i feel like crap all the time, but at the end of the day, i calm myself down. my meds keep me stable. but if you're not on the right meds or meds at all, and are in between pdocs, that puts you at serious risk. don't be afraid to save your life.

loon

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;) I have a pdoc visit-new one- actually a NP. I was up almost all night. Suicidal thoughts, ruminating negative, self-hatred thoughts. Akathesia. I can't sleep. I'm exasuted and depressed. I'm so tired. I heard you can take Benadryl for akathesia. True? Drug ?I'm so far into despair that there is no energy for suicide attempts. But I would never do that to my kids. I'm getting really close to going to the hospital. But tomorrow morn. I'll see what pdoc says. If you tell them you have constant suicidal thoughts, can't sleep, high irritability, agitation, RLS(?), can barely get out of bed, do they ever recommend you go inpatient? I have this tendency to make things sound better than they are but not going to do that tomorrow.

I already have a crisis plan-a place where I whould go- the number- crisis line-someone to evaluate to see what level of care I need. My son got in a new Harry Potter x-box game. Normally, I would not let him play it much, but it's not going to hurt him and his sister watches and is entertained. Thanks for caring. Do you have to be a threat to yourself or others to go inpatient? As much as I hve thought about suicide, even thinking about what way I would do it. All I have to do is look at my kids. I could never do that to them. If I didn't have them, who knows? At least they know 100% that I love them.

Any immediate responses to my questions would be greatly appreciatied.

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When I went to the ER I had to have a suicide plan for them to see me. Crisis intervention came and took me to a clinic. I wasn't crying or flipping out or having panic attacks so I went to a lower level care place- a home like atmosphere. If crisis comes and you are flipping out or scratching yourself or something I think they would put you inpatient in a hospital. I seem fine sometimes when I am at my worst. Don't minimize symptoms- if you can't get out of bed and had your friend drag you there- tell them. If you were just screaming and ranting about something trivial- tell them. Just tell them what's going on in your head as well as your behavior. Hallucinations, delusions, racing thoughts, incoherent thought process, confusion, lay it all on the line. See what they suggest and if you feel it isn't right speak up- bring a friend or dh if you can so they can tell them things you forget. Stay safe mel, hang on!

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Even though I am in a fucking crisis right now, and the "d"h is already working a 14 hr. day today, he just informed me he's going to help someone move their furniture after work. I told him I've been with the kids all day and how hard it's been and he's still going. I said, "whatever" and hung up. Thanks for the support, HON. ;)

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That is crap of him.

Call the next available person that you trust. Now is the time top be selfish and ruthless about getting help for you and the kids.

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