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new gardeners cut the philodendron


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I learned this as soon as I woke up. They butchered it. It was the subject of an ongoing photography project. They took all the bottom leaves off, now it looks horrible. I can't shoot it anymore, it's not lush. I want to cry. I was so upset when I saw this, my hands were shaking and I my skin in burning all over and it's hard to breathe. I am super mad, I am heartbroken. I am livid. You don't know how I live for my garden and how it chills me out, or how it used to chill me out before they destroyed it's beauty. I want to kill these guys. Those leaves aren't going to grow back, it's not that kind of plant. Now it's bare and horrible and looks like every other over-trimmed cookie cutter philodendron in the neighborhood, the kind owned by people who are afraid of nature and animals. I want to fucking die.

Meanwhile, they did an ultra shitty job on the rest of the yard. Those assholes are so, so fired.

I took some Seroquel and xanax because I knew I would start smashing things if I didn't. My heart is going to burn a hole in my chest. I feel like i'm overreacting but actually I am doing everything I can to stay calm. This has seriously triggered me.

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I seriously need help. I want to cut myself. I am all alone in the house and I have no one to talk to. I am freaking out and I am scared, and pissed off that no one can be bothered to respond to this. I want to cut myself. I am just typing so that I don't, but i can type forever. I am scared. I hate this board.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO GET HELP????!!! Am I that much of a loser that no one can say anything???

Nobody cares because they think its just a plant. It could be my arm, there are gashes where they cut the limbs off!!!! And where are the limbs? I can't even find where they put them. I want to put the plant back together but I know i can't. WHY??????? I am so hurt. I am going crazy.

I try to give selflessly and help people when they need it. I don't understand why no one cares about me. I obviously suck at everything I do that requires human interaction. I'm not good at cyberhugs and awww hon's because of how I was raised. I am scared of people because I had an abusive parent and no siblings. I try to help people but it doesn't make me any more likeable. I am crusty and bitter and scared. I hate the way I am.

I think I'm going to take a lot more drugs now and put myself into a coma. I have become obsessive about posting on this board and I don't know what I am expecting of people, support? Interest? Of all the people who post here, I have NO friends. I am still so upset about people getting all over my case last month about saying the wrong thing. I know there are people here who fucking despise me. Now they are laughing because I need help and no one is around. I hope they all get a good laugh. Ha ha, that girl we hate is going crazy. Ha ha.

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Mad_Genius - I'm sorry the gardeners fucked up everything and that it's causing such pain for you. This is the first post that I read today. I really don't know what to type for fear of making the situation worse. Perhaps others are in the same position?

All I can type is that I do care and that the lack of response in my case is not one of maliciousness and I doubt that is the case of others. If you feel that you may harm yourself then I really hope that get yourself to an A&E / ER / call your Pdoc before you do anything because I don't want anything to happen to you. Please?

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I'd seriously consider asking for a med change.

Whatever you're on now isn't working.

I understand that it was more than just a plant but this isn't healthy.

Is this a rental property? We had a lawn crew try and charge our landlord more because we'd planted a flowerbed. Less space for them to mow means they want to charge more for the space they do have to mow. He refused so they just mowed the flower bed.

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MG, I just now read this. Sunday is a quiet day on the boards, I don't personally believe anyone is ignoring you, it's just that no one is around.

I'm sorry about the philodendron... they are so beautiful, I have a huge one in my bedroom. I don't blame you for being so pissed.

I hope the seroquel and xanax can help to some degree, and I would highly recommend you calling your pdoc tomorrow. Let him/her know how you're feeling, you shouldn't have to go through this.

Take care.

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I didn't think the meds could get rid of bipolar disorder, I thought they just made it easier to cope and minimized symptoms. I have no idea what med I would change to. I don't feel like going through all of that trial and error again with a new med. Although I have been feeling worse and worse anxiety ever since the planetarium closed, especially related to interactions with people.

It's not a rental property. It's just this South Florida mentality that nature is bad and scary and thus you have to manicure your bushes into geometric shapes and pull up all the ground cover so animals don't come in the night to give your children diseases. This is how people think down here, I am hardly exaggerating.

Plus it was the subject of a photoessay which has now come to an end because of these jerks who cut the fucking plant when I told them to only cut the grass. And the lawn looks terrible besides.

I had a really horrible day. I was on so many drugs but I couldn't sleep.

I feel responsible for the destruction of the Earth - or at least I feel responsible for deeds of humanity and I don't want to contribute to more destruction. This has been paining me since I was a child. The Audibon Society just published a study that meadow birds have severely declined in numbers since the 1950's - of course they have and so have the numbers of many other animals that we take for granted or don't value, because we have been steadily ripping up their habitats. Natural Florida is a thing of the past, replaced with condos, chain food restaraunts, and miles of cheap strip malls already falling into disrepair. These used to be homes to tortoises, herons, and quails. Yesterday I saw an ibis eating a piece of someone's discarded white bread and my heart just bled all over the place, because those birds are supposed to eat snails and insects, bread like that has no nourishment for a bird, but the bird will eat it anyway.

I figure the least I can do is take care of my own property and provide a habitat for birds, snakes and small animals. The gardeners took the leaves off the ground, which A) were uniquely beautiful, green and lush, and B) provided shelter for animals, and C) were the subject of my fucking photoessay. Now I'm back where I started. I don't want to take more meds, meds are not going to make the animals come back.

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I had a similar experience when the yard guys cut the lower branches off my redbud trees. I was livid. They did it so they could walk under the trees when they mowed the lawn! Assholes. When I complained, they said they would cancel my service. The end. They also told me that the lower branches would grow back. That was about 5 yrs ago, and the lower branches have not returned. However, the higher branches are hanging lower, so it has the same effect of blocking the street from my view.

It's hell to not be listened to.

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MG- I live in South Fla. also-hi neighbor. i know what you're talking about. Everything you're talking aabout. During the years with all the hurricanes, we had so much damage to our huge, beautiful oak trees, that they had to be cut down. I wouln't let them get the root. I put plants on it. All our backyard shade is gone. I don't have too much else to say because I feel like I'm going to puke. love, mel

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I guess the best way to end your photoessay is with the final shot being of the mutilated bush. Maybe one more of the gardeners at work. I think your audience would be surprised but immediately "get it". I'm finding in my art classes that part of the process is accepting the "accidents" that occur. Even in nature your bush could have been destroyed by having a tree fall on it, beavers chew it down or deer eating the leaves and bark. I could see you gaining a sense of immediacy in future work, recognizing that even the ordinary things around us can disappear.

good luck with your photo work.

a.m.

p.s. We'd love to see your photoessays, if you feel like posting a link, even for a short time.

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The philodendron is a type of plant called an aroid, that produces a sort of flower called an inflorescence. The inflorescence has two parts, the spadix (this incredible phallic thing that pops out) and the spathe (the thing it pops out of).

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I'm watching this plant every day, waiting for new inflorescences to open. The spadix stays out for about a day, then retreats into the spathe and rots. I have no idea how this serves to pollinate the plant, but it looks incredible. It doesn't flower every year, so this is special.

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your photographs are gorgeous.

I'm majoring in photography and love seeing other peoples work almost as much as making my own.

thank you for sharing those here.

this seems silly to mention because it's not the same thing or anything, but when I was younger, my favorite tree was chopped down by my dad and brother. they said it was dead. it wasn't. I cried for days. it was right next to the back of our porch and I could lay in the hammock in the summer and swing out and look up into its branches. it had thin almost fuzzy sage colored leaves that would drop down and I'd collect because they were so beautiful to me. I had some weird connection with this tree than nobody *got*...I remember seeing the stump there when I came outside that day and feeling this HUGE physical ache of empty pain in my chest, and standing next to it and crying onto the stump that was still wet. It KILLED me that I had just been up in my room doing nothing important while it was being cut down--I could have stopped them but I didn't know. I'm pretty sure that I yelled and screamed at my brother and dad a whole lot too about it not being dead. they had NO IDEA that I had loved this tree so much or that I even ever noticed it. your story just reminded me of that. I hope you can find some perspective in all this and find a way out of all of this anger and pain. I know that medication shit is frustrating and it feels like it won't fix anything, but I agree with others that it sounds like you should talk to your doctor about all this. what happened was really upsetting and I understand that, but it shouldn't have to CONSUME you, you know? you deserve to be able to calm yourself down and not have to keep so much rage and hurt in your chest, that's not a great way to live.

anyway, I'm sorry about this whole thing and I know it can feel like people are ignoring you or hate you for some reason if there's no response right away, I have to talk myself out of feeling that way sometimes...but people here *do* care and I hope that next time you might be able to take a step back and remember the support you've gotten here, rather than a few bad experiences. guess that's all...I was supposed to go to bed hours ago and have to work in 5 hours, bleh.. thanks for posting your photos,

meg

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Between medication and coping skills, the goal is to be able to live life on your own terms and not have bipolar ruling over it all the time.

I started out as a photo major. I forget why I stopped. I think I decided I wasn't good enough at it to make a living or I just got tired of it for a while or something.

I didn't think the meds could get rid of bipolar disorder, I thought they just made it easier to cope and minimized symptoms. I have no idea what med I would change to. I don't feel like going through all of that trial and error again with a new med. Although I have been feeling worse and worse anxiety ever since the planetarium closed, especially related to interactions with people.
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The plant isn't destroyed, it's just overgroomed - they took the bottom leaves off that were touching the ground. I have no idea WHY they did this, the leaves were green and healthy. Now it looks horrible and trendy and butchered and wrong. The biggest problem is that now when I shoot the inflorescence, I won't have all that green going on in the background, just grey dirt.

Plus I shoot for beauty, not for making statements! I'm not really a the photojournalist type - my talent lies in making objects and people look glamorous. When I said 'photoessay', I should have said 'series'.

This is still bothering me so much. My morning ritual was to glance out the window first thing to see if new florescences had opened. Now I wake up and have this shock...

I have been thinking about planting some ferns or something underneath to replace the lushness. But ferns get huge. I don't know what to do, really. I am still so upset.

I live in zone 11 and it's a partially shady area that gets full sun in the afternoon, if anyone has any ideas on what to plant there.

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I am so sorry.

If You where photographing it and watching it.

I can see where it freaked you out.

I had flowers that bloomed every spring and only in spring and when I hired new gardeners they had pulled out the plants

I guess thinking they were weeds. I did freak out too. And next time told them what to cut and what to leave alone.

I am so sorry. I hope you feel better. ;)

*** I KNOW IT'S NOT THE SAME**** But I hope you feel better

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I am in a bad place mentally so I don't know how helpful I can be. I try to help people and I, too, think that no one likes me. It's the nature of the fucking beast. Not to minimize what those fucknuts did, but your reaction makes me think you need to adjust your meds. I had to raise one of mine and pdoc is talking adding more shit to make me apathetic. Yeah. It sucks!

The landscapers at my complex have destroyed so many of our beautiful plants and flowers I have to go out there and physically shoo them away. They also leave a lovely assortment of cigarette butts on the property. I hope you can achieve some sense of peace soon and figure out how to finish the project.

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The plant isn't destroyed, it's just overgroomed - they took the bottom leaves off that were touching the ground. I have no idea WHY they did this, the leaves were green and healthy. Now it looks horrible and trendy and butchered and wrong. The biggest problem is that now when I shoot the florescence, I won't have all that green going on in the background, just grey dirt.

Hm.

The new growth would look healthy, but it is usually best to keep tree and shrub limbs off the ground. During the summer it stays so damp that there's a good chance of fungal infection. Also, most people trim shrubbery so that the lower limbs get way too little sun - which doesn't help.

Leaving grey dirt uncovered isn't good at all. 2 inches of mulch (NOT right up to the trunk - remember the bit about rot?) should have been laid down to preserve moisture and block weeds.

I have been thinking about planting some ferns or something underneath to replace the lushness. But ferns get huge. I don't know what to do, really. I am still so upset.

Mine stay 3 ft or under. I don't know what species, but it's tough enough to survive being shovelled into a recycling bin for a month or two while I repaired my fence. I put the plants back and they've just carried on.

I live in zone 11 and it's a partially shady area that gets full sun in the afternoon, if anyone has any ideas on what to plant there.

Zone 11, with afternoon sun? Ick. Pineapple and other bromeliads may be able to take that. With partial shade, some of the more aggressive clumping grasses might stay a reasonable size. Some crotons can take partial shade - they get tall, but can be chopped down for compost and replanted as annuals. Cycads like coontie, cardboard palm, and sago palm are slooow growing and might be suitable for a low planting. Some dendrobiums can tolerate seriously adverse conditions.

With nearly full shade, you can grow some plants that usually don't survive too far south ... until a hurricane removes the shade and every one of the plants fries. ;)

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A new inflorescence opened this morning. I've been out shooting it and I realize now that there are fewer leaves in my way, it's easier to get around and get more angles. Most of my shots are very close, so the lack of lower branches hasn't been a problem so far.

I can see that I totally over-reacted to the plant being cut. Like, insanely. I have been having extreme anxiety in general, and I'm very isolated lately. I probably need a meds change. I definitely need some changes in my life - unfortunately that's much harder to accomplish.

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Mad_Genius

I can see why you were so upset. It was important to you and your work. You had planned out what you wanted and then overnight someone came and snipped it away. It would have pissed me off in the worst way!

I am also the person that feels like no one answers my posts b/c they don't like me. And I am afraid of answering posts because I might sound stupid and even less people will like me. I am glad to see on Monday that you got a lot of responses and I hope you start feeling better and get some help from your pdoc!

N.J.

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