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Living at home is driving me nuts


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This is a vent more than anything.

My parents have not adjusted their expectations of how much I can contribute housework wise to the fact that I am busier now with my own life than I was before, and I have not yet managed to keep up both housework and the rest of my life stuff without being sporadic. I'm really trying to do better. But my mum is off work this week, and has done all the housework while I was out then bitched at me for not doing any (argh!) There is none left. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

My brother has flunked Uni so is living at home with us for the forseeable future, I can sense that he is upset, my parents are disappointed that another child has come back home and their house is still not their own. The atmosphere is terrible and the last thing I want to do is stay home cleaning with these people. I just want to go out, all the time. I need to get it together and pitch in more to help everyone, but I have this resentful voice inside me asking me why I should when I have so much else on and all they do is bitch and complain and backbite. It's hellish.

I must put my back into it tomorrow to get everyone off my case.

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it was much like that when i had to stay with the father and step mother for several months after i got divorced and off disability.

the step mother kept complaining i didn't do anything, while i felt that i was doing quite a lot. the father actually agreed with me and thanked me for not jumping to the bait with her. i just was super polite to her and continued doing whatever i felt like.

it was hard though. i moved out as quickly as possible.

abigail

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Vent away! I lived at home until I was 19 and that was long enough, even with parents who didn't really bother me (except their very existence tends to get on your nerves, ya know?) Do you have any plan on moving out, even if it is a long range goal it would most likely make you feel better about being there now.

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But my mum is off work this week, and has done all the housework while I was out then bitched at me for not doing any (argh!) There is none left. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

sounds like your mom is pulling a bit of a martyr complex here. what are you supposed to do? go back in time and clean before she gets to it? that's absurd.

it sucks being at home as an adult with your parents. but you are an adult. i know this is vague advice, but see if there is a way you can approach them about this in an "adult" manner. ask for specific tasks, and if they ask too much, explain why you can not do that many chores as you are doing x, y and z outside of the house, and maybe remind them that x, y and z are part of your recovery so that you can eventually leave their house. i have phrased this in an undiplomatic way, but i'm sure you can negotiate a truce about this, you just have to remember you're an adult. my dad can still, in like 5 seconds, make me start acting like a 15 year old if i don't watch out. it's not like my dad or parents are evil, it's just, i think, a BPD thing to have poor reactions to parental scolding, etc.

good luck.

penny

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I feel your pain. It sucks living at home. I get along with my parents ok, except my mom like to pick fights over little wierd things and it drives me nuts. I certainly didn't plan on beinghere at 29. I just hope someday I can move but it's doubtful.

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Well, I guess I can't not say that I know how it feels...

I guess I can see how your parents are stressed out by two children being at home. I have the exact opposite problem -- my overbearing, doting parents are overjoyed to see me at home, and would rather I stayed here until I got married (which I don't want to do until about 30). Mom especially comes over to my room and expects me to chat with her for an hour or two every evening. This often is a good thing (an opportunity for growing experience since both of us have hatchets against each other to bury), but a great irritation since I have no control over when I want to have these discussions.

They're also pulling the card on me that I'm sick (brain infection) and I'm incapable of living on my own (I did that just fine in Georgia for a year and a half, thank you, Mom and Dad). Dad also likes to perform cursory white glove inspections of my room... not intentionally, but he's an extreme OCD neat-freak and flips the lid at the mere thought of one sock lying on the floor. I have to try my hardest to not let him look into my room.

Also, my room only recently got an important upgrade, specifically, a lock. My parents never let me have one, so I bought one and installed it myself while they were out at work. Even whilst visiting home from college the past few years, I was to keep the door open, and they reserved the right to enter without knocking (or knocking and then immediately opening the door). An interesting bad side effect of this was that I'd occasionally get hit with the door while exiting my room, having no advance warning of an entering parent.

This is why I look forward to being financially self-sustaining (it'll be another 3 years, after finishing grad school). Staying with overbearing parents is no way to live. Parents have their role... and mine play an important role when they're at least 500 miles away. We have a much healthier relationship when I'm away. My parents love me, and I love them back. But, staying 5 feet away from them is just too much.

35 more days until I move back to Georgia for grad school... I can make it.... I think. Lots of sympathy for y'all who are going through this same crap.

(n.B. -- I plan on settling down right here in Indiana, but of course, several miles from my parents. Call me masochistic, but I love this place and have promised my parents to live near them once they get old and infirm... they're retiring here.)

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Fuck, fuck, fuck.

My brother just walked in my room carrying a mug of red juice and has spilled it all over my carpet. My parents bought the carpet, it is cream and pristine and wasn't the cheapest carpet in the world. They will go nuts if they see it. I've been frazzled all day and he has been getting to me since this morning, and I just reacted. I called him a freak for being so clumsy and ran to get a stain remover. I apologized for what I called him as I was cleaning it up and said that it is just a carpet at the end of the day, but he has gone to bed in silence.

I hate living here. In the outside world I have self control and perspective, and here it is so hard to maintain it. This is a carpet, not a natural disaster.

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I probably would have reacted the same way in the moment. My brother, though, would most likely make it seem like it was my fault when my parents found out.... he would also curse me out to the max and probably push me around a bit.... :::sigh:::

It is hard to live at home with your family. I mean, that is what I am doing right now until I go back to school and move into my two person apartment. I have issues with my parents and my brother every.single.day. I do not think that one day goes by that I am not put through some sort of emotional torture here. I don't really know that I have any amazing words of wisdom to share or anything like that, but I can definately commiserate with you... if that is worth anything....

Sorry things suck...

<3

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Karuna--

Maybe a wise suggestion would be to make him help you clean it up. Would teach him the idea of fairness. Then again, I'm not the one whose brother spilled juice on the new carpet... if I were, I'd probably have called him something a lot worse than you did... and not have apologized.

(n.B. - heck, I'm an only child. at least I had Mom teach me parenting skills by herself acting like a child.)

In any event, your brother I think will get over the incident soon enough. Probably by dawn. I don't know his age, so I can't make much judgement... though I'm sensing he's somewhere in the 7-10 range? Kids that age get over stuff quickly... you probably remember being like that, as well. I know I do.

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I'm 22, and he is 20! He had filled the mug up to the top and wandered in, so it just sloshed over the the top. He did try to clean it but he doesn't know how and was dabbing it back into the carpet. Things are better now between us. I think the peace between us requires a lot of contortion and forbearance on my part. He is essentially a selfish and at times aggressive person, though he is very likeable when he being nice. He has been like that all his life, and I'm pretty much resigned to it.

The carpet has a dark shadow on it now, I'm off to buy carpet cleaner today.

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I'm 22, and he is 20! He had filled the mug up to the top and wandered in, so it just sloshed over the the top. He did try to clean it but he doesn't know how and was dabbing it back into the carpet. Things are better now between us. I think the peace between us requires a lot of contortion and forbearance on my part. He is essentially a selfish and at times aggressive person, though he is very likeable when he being nice. He has been like that all his life, and I'm pretty much resigned to it.

That sound similar to my brother and me... the closeness in age and the relationship, even though I might have to say my bro is possibly worse in the selfish, egotistical, aggressive, etc. category. We are also, as I said, very close in age... actually, very VERY close (we are twins). We are both living at home for the summer and we both go to the same college... lol. Kill me, please...

Good luck with the carpet today.

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If I had any money then I would leave. I nearly called social services to beg them to house me today. I've done it before with no success, which is probably why I didn't.

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I'm 22, and he is 20! He had filled the mug up to the top and wandered in, so it just sloshed over the the top. He did try to clean it but he doesn't know how and was dabbing it back into the carpet. Things are better now between us. I think the peace between us requires a lot of contortion and forbearance on my part. He is essentially a selfish and at times aggressive person, though he is very likeable when he being nice. He has been like that all his life, and I'm pretty much resigned to it.

On the flip side of what I said earlier, I'm not sure that I'd not do what your brother did (and I'm about a year older than you are).

Now might be a good time to ask him to help you clean that damn stain out, if he is more congenial now. I don't know if he's the kind to take responsibility for mistakes, hopefully he is.

Best of luck getting the damn stain out.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel really sorry for you, been at boarding school my entire life! and then straight to vasity 18 hours away from home! Never lived at home per say! only holidays if that. so don't know how the hell you do it! Have all my sympathy! I would kill my parents if I lived with them, a weekend, is more then an enough! Need my private space!!!!!!!!! Never had rules or restrictions. My parents have always been my friends, if they ever thought of telling me what to do....... heaven forbid. They come to me for advice!

Good luck!

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