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What the hell am I going to do with this lady!?!


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So my therapist sucks royal. She has an acidic tongue. I say something like "I feel like a burden to my parents" She says "sometimes your parents may feel like you are a burden" I say I feel like quitting it all and offing myself" (I am grappling with that issue) and she says "I can't help you with that, here's the crisis line number." Then she tells me some bullshit story about her quadropolegic friend who loves life. How the fuck is that supposed to help me? Sure, I'm sympathetic, but I am not paralyzed. I guess I should turn my issues off. Then maybe she could treat me. WTF? She has also said my life will never be good, my expectations are too high, on and on and on. These are just some examples. I leave these sessions very angry and shaking my head.

I'm in the county system. I asked for a female tdoc because I had bad experiences with males. From childhood on up. The worst was year before last. Major asshole. I was lucky I got a female tdoc, but what do I do now? she is pure poison. It's very hard to get a new tdoc in this system. I am fucked.

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I can certainly see how that style of response would be irritating, at least to me. On the other hand, pdocs/therapists may use different methods/styles based on the situation. Obviously you are pretty depressed and see things as hopeless. Your comments are so general that your therapist really can't provide any specific advice. Her comments could be an attempt to poke/prod you to try to break out of your mode of thinking. CBT therapy uses some of this I think, though I can't say that's what she is doing, or that it is appropriate or not.

I would suggest that you should start your next session with your concerns about this matter. Having a good relationship with pdocs/thearpists is prime above all else. I've had to sort out issues with mine a number of times.

good luck.

a.m.

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OMG! She sounds evil. If I were in your shoes, I would never go back to her. Aren't therapists supposed to treat you gently. Especially at first? This dragon lady sounds mean and insensitive. Can you find anyone else? It doesn't sound as if she will do you any good. Sounds like she has major issues. Maybe you can go out of county? Good luch.

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You could try explaining to the receptionist that you and this lady are not a good match and you are getting worse with her "tough love" therapy. Ask to be switched, you might be on a waiting list for a while but at least get the ball rolling. I am in the county system too so I know it's difficult to get a good tdoc.

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Thanks for the replies. I discussed her harsh nature with her and how it makes me fill. She said she didn't realize and will work on it. So, we'll see....

I'm starting to wonder who here's the therapist and who here's the patient.

Reminds me of the time 2 weeks ago when I somehow enlightened my neuropsych by giving him the Aspie point of view on something.

Anyways, best of luck... if she can change her style quickly enough to adapt to you, then it should work.

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So my therapist sucks royal. She has an acidic tongue. I say something like "I feel like a burden to my parents" She says "sometimes your parents may feel like you are a burden" I say I feel like quitting it all and offing myself" (I am grappling with that issue) and she says "I can't help you with that, here's the crisis line number." Then she tells me some bullshit story about her quadropolegic friend who loves life. How the fuck is that supposed to help me? Sure, I'm sympathetic, but I am not paralyzed. I guess I should turn my issues off. Then maybe she could treat me. WTF? She has also said my life will never be good, my expectations are too high, on and on and on. These are just some examples. I leave these sessions very angry and shaking my head.

I'm in the county system. I asked for a female tdoc because I had bad experiences with males. From childhood on up. The worst was year before last. Major asshole. I was lucky I got a female tdoc, but what do I do now? she is pure poison. It's very hard to get a new tdoc in this system. I am fucked.

I don't see that her comments are anything that my therapist hasn't said to me. The parents comment, to me, was about validating the truth about that myth, you feel like a burden, which is not what your parents probably feel 99% of the time. But we can all acknowledge that raising a child and relating to them as adults is hard and sometimes parents secretly don't want to do it at that moment. She wasn't saying 'yes, you are a complete burden' IMHO, as she was validating your feelings have some truth in them and come from a rational place.

The suicide issues is a tricky one. My therapist has also maintained a boundary with me there, in that she will pretty much always give me the crisis line details and ask me what I plan to do to avert suicide. I think it important that a therapist maintain that her role is not and should not be crisis intervention. She won't be available enough to intervene when patients feel suicidal, so it's good that she is being consistent and giving you another avenue to explore. Maybe if you want to talk about the root of your suicidal feelings or what they mean, you could tell her that you don't want her to convince you not to, and you will call a crisis line, but can you just talk about the way you feel when you are suicidal?

I think that you posted about her comment about your expectations before. I know that part of my recovery has been to accept my limitations, let go of my tendency to compare myself with others, and adjust to the life that is possible for me, whilst grieving what will not be. I see her trying to do that here. It is very difficult to hear it and it will inspire anger, and that is appropriate. I think it is excellent that you are healthy enough to express it and ask her to work differently. Although a therapist will have a style that she works in, every patient has different needs and will need to be worked with a different pace. I disagree with Herf that you shouldn't have to say that you find her style angering. It's part of building that therapeutic relationship to express discomfort and anger and both adjust to how you relate. People do that in healthy relationships.

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I have trouble talking about my suicidal tendencies. For some reason, I always trip up. I think the boudary thing is pretty cold. But, as you explained it, I can undestand.

This discussion has clarified some things for me. Thanks.

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Why is it cold? I am sure that on a personal level, she does not want you to kill herself. But on a professional level she cannot intervene whenever a patient feels suicidal, otherwise her appointments would be interrupted by suicidal patients wanting to come in or talk to her on the phone, and she would never get any work done. It's not her not wanting to deal with your suicidal tendencies, it's that she physically can't.

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Yeah, I guess ERs and crisis lines have their place. I guess I'm a little prejudiced because of a lot of bad experiences with tdocs. But I'm trying my ass off. i want herapy to work.

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My old therapist of 7 yrs was adamant about not taking phone calls between appointments. It drove me crazy, because I was such a wreck and barely hanging on and because of my abandonment issues. I would leave a message and she WOULD call me back, but she would also guilt trip me by saying, "You know I don't take phone calls between sessions." I think THAT is cold.

Now I have a new therapist who gives out her cell number on her answering machine. She says, "if you are in crisis, you can try to reach me at X. If you are unable to reach me at that number, please call your doctor or 911." This makes me feel a lot more cared about than the other one. I think it IS their responsibility to be there between appts if you are in crisis. At least SOME of the time.

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Liveoak, as I have explained before, time constraints mean that therapists can't usually do crisis intervention, plus giving out cell numbers can encourage unhealthy attachment issues if people insist on constantly infringing on the therapists personal life, I've seen it happen to people with their therapists before. It's not about whether a therapist cares about you as a person or wants you not to kill yourself. IMHO, a therapeutic relationship is a practice one for real life relationships, and in real life we cannot have someone's attention whenever we want it because we're in crisis, we have to learn to use the appropriate crisis services rather than calling a therapist for comfort all the time. If someone really cannot go a week without speaking to a therapist, then either they need twice weekly sessions or to stabilize and have more support before they begin therapy.

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If someone really cannot go a week without speaking to a therapist, then either they need twice weekly sessions or to stabilize and have more support before they begin therapy.

as a matter of fact, I have never called my current therapist between appts, other than to leave a msg about something good that happened, and I don't expect a call back. I've been seeing her for a year and a half, and the knowledge that she does have another number available is a comfort to me. When i have been suicidal, at the end of an appt, she'll say, "Call me if you need to." I find that a comfort.

Regarding the first therapist who insisted on no phone calls between appts, I did ask her for 2 appts a week, and she refused on that one too. I think she had her own boundary issues.

The therapist I have now for group also gives out a cell number for emergencies. I think that knowing that the phone number is available lowers my anxiety. Knowing that I CAN'T call no matter what raises my anxiety.

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Fair enough, it' about what works for the therapist and the client. My point was (and is) that a boundary doesn't mean a lack of caring.

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