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Hi, I'm Kaytee


Know this is a random post, feel like I should be asking a question if I'm posting. Or have something importantant too say! Just not feeling all that great and safe. I live alone, and a student at a university thats about 18hours from where I live(my family). its currently vasity vacation. And its in a vasity town, so its a ghost town. I went home for a wend but got so claustrofobic that I came back. Can't handle people in my space, ironic that now I'm scared of being so alone. I'm really behind with my work cause I missed so much last semester. They've even allowed me to slit this year in two. I've already completed my thesis and am an homours student but just can't get my self to do any of the work.

but nobody will be back for another month plus. and even my pdoc, who's works here went on vac today for three weeks. I've been battleing to comunicate with him anyway.

Last night was awful. And it was only the second one on my own.

I can't go home cause I have to keep hhanding in the work I missed.

I have to hand this porfolio in on monday, and there is no way I'll have completed it, my mind is so full of other stuff right now, there is no space or time to focus on any one thing.

And then my friend totally over steped my boundries a week ago and asked to stay the night, the only reason I forced myself to let her was cause she is having a hhard time herself so thought I'd be a good friend?

She's AN and her boyfriend just broke up with her, I'm a recovered(if there is such a thing) AN. so understand.

Shes also quiet sparky, she's doing her masters in genetics and developing a new test for patients with schizoprenia and Bipolar, that have a higher level of a chemical called renin in the brain, I think? Her dad has OCD, and got her interrested in it.

Well she stayed to nights before I lost it, got so claustrofobic and jittery I ended up slashing my wrists. I just needed her to get out my space. I could sleep, Knew she was always there, got so freaked out. I couldnt do thee things i usually do. I don''t sleep, I do talk to myself aand I pace alot.

She was so angry with me! She was cold. And I can't stop thinking about it.

She packed her stuff the next day and told me i should be in a home! So somebody can watch me!

Little hipacrittacle for someone with a BMI of 13.5.

But it upset me.

Oh and she said my speach is dissorganised? I know I speak Hell of a fast, and maybe jump a round a bit?

I don't know, just for once I'm not liking being so alone.

And its for so long.

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Since it's a college town, there must at least be coffee shops or books stores that you can go to and get some of your work done, maybe? Or just go there to read a book every once in a while. It's not good to just hole yourself up in your room. It will make you feel more detached fromother people. So if you can, go to a coffeehouse or something. Go to a movie, if you can do that kind of thing by yourself. Or go out and rent a movie, whatever. Just make sure you are getting out and doing things and interacting with people somehow.

There isn't anyway to magically take away the alone feeling. But you do have work to do, and if you try to focus on that, it may be easier to deal with this time.

As for getting stuff done that is do on Monday- try to break it down into smaller pieces of work? It seems like you don't have the attention span for it because you have so much going on in your head, but if you had maybe a bunch of smaller things to do, maybe it would be easier to do.

What's your plan if things get really bad for you? Who do you call since your doctor isn't around? Is there someone standing in for your doctor? Can you call them? You sound as though you are in a very bad spot. Slashing at your wrists is a serious sign of distress. If you feel like that again, go to the ER instead.

What about your therapist? Have you been able to talk to them recently? Can you call them about what is going on or make an appointment soon? You need to get whatever is going on under control. You need some kind of help and trying to stick it out isn't going to work. So you have to use the resources you've got. But don't just curl up in a ball and do nothing, ok? You've recognized that this is going to be a trying time for you so you need to do what you have to to be healthy and safe.

If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself, you need to go to the ER.

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Ya I know it seems weried how a town goes quiets during vacation, and I will get, there are people who come back for rewrites who failed exams, so librarys are good places, just not good at getting out. But at some stage you got to get a grip.

Its not the days its just the nights that are really shit, and its weird, I'm not the lonely type at all, its just the security of knowing if u mess up u got a friend or someone to call that scares me.

Otherwise i love to be alone, so it feels weird suddenly needed people.

Wasn't feeling good tonight. And got no car, was in an accident 3 weeks ago. so can't even take myself to the ER.

Its not in walking distance.

but smsed my therapist, I saw her this morning and she knows am rather wired, and there is another doc if till mine comes back, although might change permantly!!

Had no reply yet.

Just trying to distract myself, cause its 12 o

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i live alone in my apartment (i'm 28 and out on my own, out of college already), and i just get so lonely sometimes. i never feel suicidal or anything like that, and i can complete work i have (with adderall), but i know what it's like to just be lonely.

i like the idea of breaking the work into pieces. i used to do that in school. i do it now too. i break it up and give myself a little treat after each piece i complete, like i can go on crazyboards if i do this or that work, and i'll stay here for a few and go on with my work. it works for motivation.

if you can't focus, you may need an adjustment in y our ADD med.

be firm about those boundaries! you have to tell your friends at some neutral time that you have these certain boundaries, and ask that they be respected

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