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so many things. so much stress. help!

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I'm stressed.

As if dealing with recovery from depression and complex PTSD wasn't enough... Struggling to let go of my past and be here now... threatens that past sense of safety. Internalisations of abuse threaten me too. Its an ongoing struggle for safety and sanity.

And then...

My befriender [through Mind] just... vanished. She obviously had had enough of me, but didn't be open and honest. She just... disappeared. = rejection

Work... either I'm snowed under with stuff to do, or nothing, like I'm not really needed.

Its confusing. And frightening. = insecurity

My flatmates want me to move with them when they move to the new place. The sale is... hopefully happening.

But it feels... upsetting and unsettling to be moving to a new unknown place after having been somewhere where you feel safe for 4 years. And of course the new flat isn't my choice..

= unsettling anxiety

My flatmates have a baby. His mum is struggling with distress of her own regarding parenting issues. Aspects of her parenting style are triggering difficult memories and feelings in me. Sometimes I don't know how to react. I feel lost. = depression helplessness anxiety alone

I'm worried about an online friend. = helplessness

Is it any wonder that I am waking up early each morning, 3am, 4am... and so forth. This broken sleep is very draining. I get up more tired than when I went to bed.

I'm taking Tuesday off work. Hopefully I can catch up on some sleep and rest then. Otherwise I am scared I will crumble.

I know there are positive sides to all this change.

But I am screaming out for empathy.

And I'm so tired. Exhausted.

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It does sound very stressful, but you have clear insight about it all.

When do you see your therapist next?

I don't think a befriender would up and leave, would they? Maybe she's having a family crisis or something. Can you call the Befrienders and ask what happened to her AND ask for a new befriender?

I think that talking to your therapist and to a new befriender would both relieve some anxiety and some aloneness.

You're stronger than you realize.

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Thank you..

Yes. Insight is one of my saving graces.

I see my therapist again on Monday.

Well... the last I heard from my befriender was about a month ago. She never turned up to an arranged meeting [its through Mind where we used to meet up once a week for coffee or shopping] and said she'd texted me, but I heard nothing. Then she was ill, and then went away, said she'd be back that weekend. Have heard nothing since. Neither has the befriending co-ordinator.

I'm meeting the co-ordinator on the 11th to discuss What Next. I would like a new befriender, as there is much I didn't achieve with this other one who has just plain disappeared. I have discussed it with my therapist, and we agree that the b/f'er who vanished wasn't really compatible with me in many important ways. So we shall see. I don't know if I'll be able to have another one but....

At least I am more accepting than I might have been in the past.

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