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Hi! I'm a deteriorating functional nutjob!


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Ok, so it started with stress. I actually like most kinds of stress. I'm a hyper, type-A personality. Or I WAS. Now I'm, umm, more like a type 'D' personality (big D for Depressed). 46 yr old, single mom. The *ahem* "dad" skipped out when kidlet was 15mths old. No problem, right? I had been an artist; but we all know it's expensive to raise a kid solo. So at 36 I went to college. I hate math & didn't know a thing about computers (1995), but the bucks were better - 4 year degree = $$$. I sold my soul and did a dbl major in math & comp. sci. (Boy is there ever more to THAT chapter) I have a tech job that I used to be pretty excited about, and it pays good money. (And thank god has good medical benefits). In 2000, when I started my job, all was well. Then I met a guy that is a great dad to my kid, was suspiciously wonderful to me. But then I found out some previously 'non-disclosed' info about him (sins of omission?). Well, we just have some KEY ideological differences that I found out about way too late. This relationship conflict tipped over the crazy barrel and I have just gotten worse, or, different, over the past 6 years. I've tried a few meds. Right now on effexor xr 300mg 1xd, just added lamictal 25mg 1xd. Trazadone for sleep pm, 100mg. Clonazapam as needed.

Current mental weather report: My give-a-shit factor is zero. Zero motivation. Can't concentrate on work I formerly enjoyed. I surf way too much at work. And sometimes I just STARE at the screen. Occasional Dark Depression, hanging on by my nails. Usually passes in a week or 2. I should be more worried about getting fired, but I'm too numb to care.

BTW, numb is a good thing, compared to the alternative; raw-nerve-exposed, jangling anxiety, insomnia, throw in a tad of paranioa, crying, hopelessness, can't get outta bed, amazed I make it to work everyday.

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I don't really know what to say to all that but I do want to say hi and welcome to the boards.

Feeling numb can be just as destructive as anything else- you zone out and lose track of things. How are things going on the therapy side of things? Is anything getting accomplished there to help you deal with the depression?

It sounds like the meds aren't working but the lamictal may help you out. It's a long titration but it works really well for some people. [me included]

I hope things start improving and soon.

Luna.

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More Stress Please....good one.

Welcome. You pretty much described me exactly as I was about 6 years ago. Single mom, well employed, thrived on chaos pressure, until, over the course of several months, I was flattened by depression, anxiety, insomnia, and all the other fun stuff. So, if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Anyway, I hope you stick with the Lamictal and it does you some good. From a good friend, I hear that it takes quite awhile to build up (not just the titration, but the antidepressant effects), but has been very solid and effective for over a year now. That was unheard of with other antidepressants.

You might want to have your hormones checked. Perimenopause, which can go on for years before your periods stop, carries a big risk of depression.

This is a good place, and is a lot more supportive and responsive than talking to people who have no clue about what you're talking about.

Try not to let yourself get fired. Take a disability leave if you have to. But even though I was pretty much worthless and stupid for at least a year of work, it was the only thing that got me out of bed and kept me sticking to any kind of routine. Without it, I think I would have fallen a lot harder and deeper.

Greeny

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Hi, welcome!

You described exactly what I went through three years ago before I lost my job. Be sure that you are doing all the things to take care of yourself. See your pdoc regularly and be completely honest, take the meds as prescribed; see a talk therapist. Take time off from work. Your pdoc may even give you a prescription for it.

Hang in there, it will get better.

a.m.

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