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Sorry for posting about the same kind of thing so often but I need to. I just get depressed that often. First of all, my mom is back in the hospital for some kind of infection, the third time this year alone. The other two were near death experiences. I was depressed before this happened but this obviously made it worse. I started getting depressed in June sometime. I cut myself today for two reasons. One is the obvious (mom in hospital) and the second as mentioned in a few other posts the aliens are giving me instructions to cut myself, kill myself, jump in front of traffic, jumping out of a moving car, and hitting my head against the wall. I can't think straight sometimes. I'm hopeless and worthless. I know I've said this before but I really mean it. I see darkness all around me. There is only one thing to look forward to and I don't think its actually happening. Remember that personality that believes the aliens are after her? Now I integrated with her and I believe this stuff. Oh, that thing is a cruise to Alaska, which I don't think will happen. Nothing good ever happens. Today I had a party for the 4th of July and I enjoyed it but my friend got sick. I'm scared for my life and my mom's life at the same time. You know why I'm scared for my mom ( the infection) and for me is I'm under control by two groups of people, the FBI/CIA and the alien creatures. My appetite is affected, and so is my sleeping. I lost interest and pleasure in things I used to enjoy such as my building my model planes, video games, and art lessons. I just lay in bed all day long after the groups I go to. Oh, back to the being scared for my worthless self. Those two groups of people are fighting for control over my body and as mentioned before they tell me what to do. Its not actual voices yet, my medicine is preventing that at this moment. But I have seen the UFO's and the creatures! I am seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and someone who does EMDR. I forgot to mention that I am suicidal, the first time since I don't remember. My memory is affected as well. Who am I again? Sometimes I don't know because of my 10 personalities. I have DID and depression among other things.

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No one minds if you vent--remember, we're all in the same boat here!

You sound like you are getting to the point where you are becoming a danger to yourself. You need help now. Can you make an emergency appointment with the pdoc? I understand why you are upset about your mom but don't forget to take care of yourself. I hope you start feeling better soon.

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Hey! I was suicidal for a while and I just got out of the hospital. It helped so much. YOu can read my story on "going inpatient for the first time". It is on the bipolar forum. Go! Take care of yourself. Keep posting.

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