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Can someone diagnose me? PLEASE?


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My pdoc won't tell me whats wrong with me and referred me instead to take a MMPI (test) to find out what is the 'real deal.' Um, you can't diagnose me?

Anyway, it started out as suspected postpartum depression following the birth of my second child but has far outlasted that. I have mood swings, alternating between severe depression and massive anxiety. I pick my skin and scalp obsessively. I have ruminations about something bad happening to my kids. I overeat... possibly binge eat. I started drinking recently on the weekends with a huge history of alcoholism in my family and started smoking marijuana. None of the multitude of meds I have been on helps. I feel stuck in a bubble and out of touch with reality. I don't hear voices, feel psychotic or suicidal or homicidal, but feel like CRAP. I am sexually promiscuous, I feel paranoid sometimes, like people are talking about me. I divorced my husband in an impulsive decision over something stupid. I go on spending sprees. I'm intensely irritable. I have a fear of abandonment. I hate myself and the way I look and feel like I'm not what or who I want to be. My self-esteem and sense of self is messed up. I'm thinking I have body dysmorphic disorder on top of all this crap because I want gastric bypass surgery and I am thinner than a friend who had it 3 years ago. I am afraid to be left alone with my children for fear of them getting hurt... not me hurting them... but just bumps and bruises and I obsessively think that something bad is going to happen to them and I'll get my kids taken away. I can't concentrate at work. I consistently overload myself with work and school in a need to be 'perfect' and meet other people's expectations of me. I hate groups of people. I avoid certain stores because I feel like I'm not good enough to go into them. I'm afraid to get a job outside the home because I'm afraid I'll mess up and lose it and then we'll lose everything we have because hubby isn't working because he has to stay home and take care of my messed up ass! I feel like my husband's family hates me and my own family hates me and I have no one at all to depend on. I feel alienated and alone, like I am all I have... it's depressing. But the anxiety... PHEW... that's the kicker. The anxiety KILLS ME. CONSTANT WORRY!!!

It's so damn frustrating and I hate it. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I being pumped full of drugs for no reason and then feeling like I'm in a bubble because of them? Is this OCD, borderline personality disorder, bipolar II? All of the above?

So far I've been diagnosed when I was in my teens with 'dysthymia, agoraphobia with panic disorder, and avoidant personality disorder' but know, repeat KNOW my diagnoses are completely different.

What the hell is my deal?!

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We are not medical professionals here and cannot diagnose people. It's possible your therapist wants you to take the MMPI because she's not sure what diagnosis/diagnoses would be accurate. It's got to be very frustrating to have many, varied problems without a clear diagnosis or diagnoses, but she may not be able to give you one right now. If you don't feel she's serving you right, and your insurance plan/pocketbook will let you, you can ask for a referral to someone else, who may (or may not) be able to give you a diagnosis or diagnoses more quickly.

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besides, the MMPI is fun. lots and lots of little bubbles to fill in.

well, *i* liked it. but i <3 standardised tests and get weird satisfaction from bubbling in things.

sometimes even after they've made a diagnosis, the pdocs won't tell you what it is; they like people to focus on the symptoms and addressing them, rather than to fixate on a particular label. if the pdoc wants further testing, though, it probably just means they want more information before coming to a conclusion. which is good, because then you're more likely to find the answer. it's just another step in the process, not a means of putting you off.

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I know its frustrating to not have answers. And further to not have your pdoc be willing to open up his line of thinking. The latter is something I've come to recognize as important to allowing the pdoc to have freedom to work. It ties in too, that we as patients have to have time to work through our thoughts and just allow time for the meds to work.

The MMPI is a multipurpose test that in general terms is a personality and interest exam, that has uses for psychological purposes too. I've taken it as a teenager, as a lab rat....er Psych 101 student in college and most recently after a head injury as an adult evaluating my injury.

You have given a laundry list of symptoms for yourself. You don't know whats wrong, and your pdoc doesn't have a quick answer. The MMPI will help give him a better outline of your personality than he get in short sessions spaced weeks apart. The test has been around for probably 50 years or longer and is very well standardized. The important thing for you to do is to relax, and answer the questions to the best of your ability. Again, relax. There are no right or wrong answers.

I hope that you get relief quickly, but remember that psychiatry is a continuing process. This test is one step closer to feeling better.

a.m.

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What if I don't have the patience to sit and fill in a bunch of freaking bubbles? The idea of it makes me wanna throw up. The thinking that a test can find out more about me than just talking to me seems weird. I've taken that thing before, which is how I got diagnosed with the stuff in the first place.... but having the patience to sit still and do it now? No way.

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Yes, a written test can learn different things about you than an unguided discussion held once a month.

You decide what you are capable of. Is working thru a two hour test worth the price of getting well?

If you've taken the test before, that makes this test even more valuable, since your pdoc can compare the results over time with consideration of your illness progression.

Take a deep breath, things are going to work out.

a.m.

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Patience is what it takes to get through all of this, unfourtunately. You have to deal with stuff that you don't want to do and there are no simple answers. What you describe is a tangle of behaviors, feelings, symptoms and experiences and I don't blame your doctor for holding off on getting down to specifics in terms of a diagnosis. Especially with so many things going on, I should think its most important to focus on the symptoms rather than what to call it.

Will you change doctors if your diagnoses change? What would be different? Are you seeking some sort of relief by having your suspicions confirmed?

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Will you change doctors if your diagnoses change? What would be different? Are you seeking some sort of relief by having your suspicions confirmed?

I guess I'm hoping it will help in determining the right medication finally since none of them have worked so far. It's really heartbreaking and hard to go through med after med. I feel like a guinea pig.

I don't even know what to say when I go in there... All I can do is print out what I wrote or just plain old tell the nurse I feel like crap and the meds aren't cutting it.

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Will you change doctors if your diagnoses change? What would be different? Are you seeking some sort of relief by having your suspicions confirmed?

I guess I'm hoping it will help in determining the right medication finally since none of them have worked so far. It's really heartbreaking and hard to go through med after med. I feel like a guinea pig.

I don't even know what to say when I go in there... All I can do is print out what I wrote or just plain old tell the nurse I feel like crap and the meds aren't cutting it.

Some stuff meds alone won't fix. Most stuff meds alone won't fix. It's up to you to you to figure out where things in your life went wrong when you were too fucked up to care and make changes. Are you in therapy or anything?

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It has taken a good Pdoc that treats by the symptoms and a good therapist to help me make progress. I have also had to push my self to do things to help myself, when I can, like walking, repairing relationships, eating more for health, getting out once in a while, journaling, keeping a mood chart, all things hard to do when ill, I know.

Keep us posted.

Rhonda

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seeing a therapist this week and just about every week... not making much progress. I have so much to work through I don't see myself ending therapy anytime soon... abusive ex boyfriend, dead alcoholic mother, crackhead sister who died right after, father in prison, no real family, unhappy marriage (or is it?) that I just divorced from, overbearing person who raised me, self esteem issues... therapy can barely make a dent on any of it so far and I've been in therapy for the past 10 years. Ugh.

I'm also the self-help book queen. lol Any recommendations? Note to self: Write book about how to deal with death of alcoholic mother when you have no grief over it.

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