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So people around me say I don't look so depressed. Then why do I feel so shitty? I've been having so many problems. I've actively thought of suicide. Both my pdoc and tdoc say I'm showng improvement. That I "look bright er and more energetic" Thing is, I don't feel improved.

It makes me worried that people won't take me seriously.

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i feel that way a lot too. i put up a front... i seem to be "functioning" and whatever...

what you feel on the inside is not necessarily what you convey on the outside.

talk to your doctors about how your are feeling. tell them exactly what you said here. It is their job as doctors to listen to you... make them listen.

It makes me worried that people won't take me seriously.

Don't worry about whether or not people will take you seriously because you may seem better even though you do not feel better. This is all about you and making sure that you get the proper treatment.

Communicate what you feel with you doctors. If you are not feeling better, make that absolutely clear to them.

Be well and stay safe.

~*Ophelia*~

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Sometimes it happens that way. Before the actual depression lifts, some of its peripheral effects might ease up earlier than the depression itself, things such as insomnia, flat affect, monotone voice, slower than usual movements, etc. This kind of thing could be more obvious to another person than it is to you because you still feel depressed. Give it some time. I hope you start to see some improvement soon.

Greeny

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I should have been an actor because no one kknows how i feel. If i ever committed suicide (which i have considered many times) people would say.... "He was a happy guy.... I just don't understand

I understand your situation

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Everyone around me thinks I look happy and not depressed at all. I am depressed that is the truth. I just don't show it on my face. I am always smiling and laughing even at inappropriate things. When I went to the mental hospital last year they said I showed no evidence of depression but I was suicidal, had severe hypersomnia, lack of interest in things that I used to love, depressed mood, hopelessness, worthlessness and more. I still feel all of these things today. How can they say no evidence? Just because I had a smile on my face? So I know how you all feel about this.

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I know what you mean. I have this thing about "functioning". I always have to be functioning at a high level, getting things done, buzzing around, being productive. So when I have a bout of depression I still am "functioning", but I feel like crap. No one can believe that I might be depressed. But I told my pdoc, and actually bawled in her office, and she believed me.

Do you feel any more energetic? These changes seem to happen sssssooooooo slowly, don't they?

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not everyone displays all of the outward signs of depression even if they are feeling completely horrid inside. a doctor should know this. perhaps he/she is trying to offer you hope and encouragement? though it sounds like you are feeling invalidated by the statements. and that's not cool.

my tdoc made me take an mmpi and i thought it was silly. then he said that he was glad he did because he never would have known how depressed and anxious i really am because i don't show it outwardly. he knew i was depressed, but the test gave him a window that let him see the depth of it all. i'm happy he realized he was unable to see the full picture with me.

perhaps your doctors are missing the full picture. or maybe they're cheerleading.

if it is unbalancing you and making you feel as if your pain is invalid and not being recognized, you need to talk to them about this. your pain is real and deserves recognition even if you "don't look depressed" for whatever reason.

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