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Hi

been having a difficult time trying to kinda decide what the hells wrong with me, but on the one hand I don't know if putting labels on things neccassarly makes things better. But piont being I have had huge comunication problems with my pdoc, cause I'm kinda scared of him and I don't thinnk he'll believe me, ah its so complicated, but started writting things down for my tdoc, which I have go to 3 times a week to actually get anything out. And she gives it to him..... ok well the long and the short of the story before I start getting too complicated considering new diagnosis, paranoid schizophrenia? which actually somebody said to me the other day here?

Anyway, just confused, it actually makes more sense to me in a way?

But It seems a little hectic?

I don't know?

My dad is BP11 but his aunt was schizophrenic? so its in the family. She was a serealist painter, shot herself before I had a chance to meet her proply.

One of my best friends is doing her masters in genetics, and developing diagnostic tests for schizophrenic and Bipolar patients. She came and stayed with me for two days, says I've changed so much in the last 6 months its unreal, needless to say she left on a bad note. Couldn't handle her in my house. But she said pretty much the same thing, said I couldn't look after myself and should be in home which I think was way to harsh.

But still can't shake it off my mind! really bugs me.

anyway, not quite sure I fit.

Actually maybe putting it in a box maybe would help me stop thinking about it.

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My dad is BP11 but his aunt was schizophrenic? so its in the family. She was a serealist painter, shot herself before I had a chance to meet her proply.

Wow. It is pretty cool that your aunt was a surrealist painter. I'm sorry to hear about her death.

Has anyone ever told you what she was like? Or maybe that you might share some similar characteristics as her?

One of my best friends is doing her masters in genetics, and developing diagnostic tests for schizophrenic and Bipolar patients. She came and stayed with me for two days, says I've changed so much in the last 6 months its unreal, needless to say she left on a bad note. Couldn't handle her in my house. But she said pretty much the same thing, said I couldn't look after myself and should be in home which I think was way to harsh.

But still can't shake it off my mind! really bugs me.

Do you know what some of the things were that made your friend think what she thought and say what she said? Did something specific happen? Maybe she really does care for your well being but just was not expressing herself in the right way.

take care of yourself

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Hey Kaytee -

Just wondering, since your previous DX was BP, if anyone's considered the possibility of schizoafffective disorder? Or that you might be in the midst of a worse than usual manic upswing?

Just a couple of thoughts, for whatever they're worth.

I know what you mean about sometimes putting the label on things helping. My crazy history definitely started making more sense once I started thinking about it in terms of BP, rather than unipolar depression. Labels can get pretty overwhelming in and of themselves sometimes, and you've had a lot of stressfull stuff going on besides this lately. I don't know, I'm wondering how you're feeling, and guessing something's been off kilter, if your tdoc & pdoc are talking about new dx's? Maybe focus on whatever breakthrough symptoms you've been having first, and whatever med adjustments, etc.., you need to make, to get yourself on a more even keel, then figure out the dx stuff?

Whichever way you handle it, try to remember to give yourself some time to just, you know, breathe, every now and then, ok?

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The first post I saw by you I thought "that's me". Clearly there are differences but I think a few similarities too. As a DXed paranoid sz and someone whom my old tdoc thought was more schizoaffective (granted these are just labels - it is the treatment that counts) I can vouch for the fact that there is hope. I tried a few anti-psychotics until I found the right one, at the right dose. Do you think you are taking enough seroquel? Sorry for any offense - I am a bit of an evangelist for anti-psychotics when it comes to any paranoia issues. And the side-effects do fade over time as your brain re-adjusts, in my experience.

I think your friend was way harsh about the being put in a home thing. You are too young and just discovering stuff about your mind, and there is a lot of scope for improvement surely. Homes should really be a last resort. Keep posting on here and take it nice and easy..

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Kaytee,

While we all want to help and offer our similar experiences, no one on here is qualified to diagnose you. You certainly should be communicating with your pdoc in a way manageable for you about what you experience. Your friend may be somewhat knowledgeable, but she does not have the authority to diagnose you either. Some MI does run in families, but one relative being schizophrenic does not necessarily mean you will be too. It really requires a pdoc to make a diagnosis, by spending time with you and talking with you, if possible.

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hey,

thanx for the reply,

I think it took me about an 3hour to read what you all wrote? I know that my friend most probily did come from write place, but II haven't been adle to talk to her since. Absolutely terrifide of her. I know she most probily ment well but I think if I saw her I would run a hundred mile! And in her defense I have been living a little bit like a disaster. Couldn't handle having her in my house, can't sleep or eat if someone esle is there annd in the end got so claustrofobic ended up cutting my self, purely tension release. wasn't thinkiing straight. Just couldn't handle knowing she was in the other room. So she got mad! EEK, my bad.

But the whole orginal dx was really quick? I hardly spoke to my pdoc, cause i'm scared of him. Jumped to it cause of my dad. I wouldnt listen to just my friends opinion, new approach is i'm writting it all down and giving it in. And see my tdoc3 time a week and they kind trying to work it out that way, and my pdocs trying his utmost to be nice. The new dx did come from them tho, but still speculating I think. He even admitted to my tdoc he's battling.

I just don't know how to answer open ended questions?

Like how are you today? Its far to complex a question.

And if I feel like I'm being paranoid, thats different in lay mans terms to pdocs terms terms? So I sit their going over in my mind if I actually am paranoid, and what is the actually meaning of paranoid, and then I've been staring at the wall for ten minutes, and then I realise that he's looking at me and I feel shit unfumfortable. And need to get the hell out of there.

So I don't know how to do it, I got so many mixed feelings, and ultimately, I discide what he is going to think, so that means, if I'm not totally stupid what the hell I want to be wrong with me. And then I actually don't know how I feel. Just far to may thoughts going on, and cant asnwer a simple question. Oh and the whole out of ten question, can't answer that, its so subjective. And I don't like thhe idea of him judging me, whom I to say ten or two? What is ten? I end up a nervous reck.

I usually say I'm fine.

My pdoc is actually on vacation now, but im on 400mg seroquel, 200mg topamax

and i think the ritalin is making me hyper!

oh and i got rivotril if i need it.

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I think it took me about an 3hour to read what you all wrote? I know that my friend most probily did come from write place, but II haven't been adle to talk to her since. Absolutely terrifide of her. I know she most probily ment well but I think if I saw her I would run a hundred mile! And in her defense I have been living a little bit like a disaster. Couldn't handle having her in my house, can't sleep or eat if someone esle is there annd in the end got so claustrofobic ended up cutting my self, purely tension release. wasn't thinkiing straight. Just couldn't handle knowing she was in the other room. So she got mad! EEK, my bad.

That sounds like a usual response for someone who is actively paranoid. Even friends can't surpass the paranoid void. I would have acted the same way. This alone is a sign that something is up. Even if it's not schizophrenia.

But the whole orginal dx was really quick? I hardly spoke to my pdoc, cause i'm scared of him. Jumped to it cause of my dad. I wouldnt listen to just my friends opinion, new approach is i'm writting it all down and giving it in. And see my tdoc3 time a week and they kind trying to work it out that way, and my pdocs trying his utmost to be nice. The new dx did come from them tho, but still speculating I think. He even admitted to my tdoc he's battling.

I was scared of my doctor when I was diagnosed. And really scared of my last one before my new one. I'm not surpised they jumped to a diagnosis, especially because of your dad. Writing it all down and giving it in is a really good idea. Its good that you're seeing your tdoc so much, you can share what you wrote (comfortably in your own time and space). And its great your pdoc is trying to be nice, it could be a good time to get comfortable and talk. He's battling, so he's not sure, but the tdoc is putting in his opinion, and both know what they are looking for and what to do with it. You might get mixed signals for a little while.

I just don't know how to answer open ended questions?

Like how are you today? Its far to complex a question.

And if I feel like I'm being paranoid, thats different in lay mans terms to pdocs terms terms? So I sit their going over in my mind if I actually am paranoid, and what is the actually meaning of paranoid, and then I've been staring at the wall for ten minutes, and then I realise that he's looking at me and I feel shit unfumfortable. And need to get the hell out of there.

So I don't know how to do it, I got so many mixed feelings, and ultimately, I discide what he is going to think, so that means, if I'm not totally stupid what the hell I want to be wrong with me. And then I actually don't know how I feel. Just far to may thoughts going on, and cant asnwer a simple question. Oh and the whole out of ten question, can't answer that, its so subjective. And I don't like thhe idea of him judging me, whom I to say ten or two? What is ten? I end up a nervous reck.

I usually say I'm fine.

You sound a lot like me here. "How are you today" is a complete complex question, and a million things, or nothing, runs through your head. How do you answer that?

You do sound like you're being paranoid, or atleast anxious; which can be just as severe.

I have the same thing, so many thoughts going on and you cant answer a simple question. And I dont know how to answer a ten question either. I get all scared and disorganized and say something simple.

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You sound a lot like me here. "How are you today" is a complete complex question, and a million things, or nothing, runs through your head. How do you answer that?

You do sound like you're being paranoid, or atleast anxious; which can be just as severe.

I have the same thing, so many thoughts going on and you cant answer a simple question. And I dont know how to answer a ten question either. I get all scared and disorganized and say something simple.

Thanx!

Fell better, I"ve really been battling. Its nice to Know that you not alone. ;)

luv kaytee

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Kaytee,

When you pdoc asks you how you are, have you tried saying 'I don't know how to answer, there is a lot going on, that is a complicated question?' Seeing a pdoc and being asked questions is not an exam. You can't get it wrong. You don't decide if you are a paranoid or have a condition and then tell the pdoc. You just be as honest as you can be about things, what you experience, and then the pdoc make a decision. If he asks if you are paranoid and you are not sure, ask him what he means by paranoid, and tell him what you do experience.

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