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Guest Too embarrassed to say

Cyber cheating

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Guest Too embarrassed to say

Okay, so I'm hypo as all hell right now. Now sleep, no likelihood of getting any. My partner is out of town and I've been lonely. So, I went on a chat board and had cybersex for the first time in my life. This is also the first time I've been even remotely unfaithful. The problem is that I feel no guilt right now, and that is not like me at all. I typically feel guilty about things I've not even done.

I don't think anyone can say anything constructive to this, but I feel the need to confess somehow. I won't be telling my partner, it would only be to alleviate my guilt (which I will eventually feel and deserve) and would only hurt him. This isn't something that I can imagine becoming a habit. I don't know, I think I just want someone to tell me that they've made dumb sexual choices while hypo/manic too. This is so atypical for me, my partner is the only one I've ever had intercourse with and we've been together for years. Things haven't been great lately, but I know we'll get through it if I don't manage to fuck things up.

Oh yeah, I will be calling my doctor in the morning. I think my meds need to be tweaked, and I really need to get some sleep. My headache just won't go away and I've taken too many T1s already, but I'm not sleepy at all. I'm just a bit of a mess right now.

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It's the hypomania. Forgive yourself and try to move on. Just make a consorted effort not to do it again. I think many here can relate to what you have done. Thank god it was only online. Telling your partner relieves your guilt but only hurts him. Just tell the other party it was a mistake and you can only be friends. Soon it will be ancient history.

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Believe me, as far as stupid things you have done while manic, this one while not good, could have been a lot worse. Try to forgive yourself and move on.

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Believe me, as far as stupid things you have done while manic, this one while not good, could have been a lot worse. Try to forgive yourself and move on.

Believe us. ;)

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long ago and far away, in the land before i was on good meds to control my manias, i used to do the dumbest things. believe me, a session of cybersex is NOT going to ruin the day. i understand the guilt, but it was all imaginary. i'm not saying that it isn't something to feel guilty over- it is all an individual thing as to if you feel bad about something or not, and i'm not going to try to change that. i know that if my partner had cybersex with someone else i'd be mad, so i guess it is a 2 way street.

chalk it up to learning and being in an up state and move on. life is too short to dwell on the past. you learned something, and it is time to go forward. you know how important your partner is to you and how special, so just move forward knowing that your love has been reaffirmed.

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Guest Still embarrassed & now guil

Well, the guilt has finally hit. I feel like a terrible person, and I think I'm spiralling into a lovely mixed state. My pdoc is unavailable and I couldn't seem to impress upon my family doc how important this is. I've been popping extra clonazepam and the occasional olanzapine.

What makes things worse is that I'm resentful of my partner. Sex hasn't been good for a long time, and it's been very boring. We're talking missionary, lights out, over in a short time sort of boring. I miss foreplay, and adventure. I'm young, I want to do some crazier things, experiment a bit; but I need a willing partner for that. I need more than what I'm getting.

We've talked about some of this before, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. He's on a few meds that decrease his sex drive, but don't seem to completely alleviate his symptoms. However, he's unwilling to change anything or talk to the doc about it. He doesn't want to experiment, and just sighs and says "Well, the spark is gone it was bound to happen after this many years." That is unacceptable. I realize I've been a bit hypo lately, but I want a sex life! If I'm only going to sleep with this one person in my entire life I need more cooperation from him. I'm willing to do the work, but I need him to reciprocate.

I'd hate to lose out on someone I love because of sex, but it's becoming a huge deal. I once heard something along the lines of: Sex is 10% of a relationship when it's good, and 90% when it's bad. I don't know what to do, I feel trapped, and guilty, and hopeless. I think I'm going to go sit and cry now, and hope like hell I can get some sleep tonight. Work will really suck tomorrow if I don't.

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Could you convince him to look into some sex toys online? Also, doing things that are active and exciting (going dancing, rafting, even playing sports) can give the libito a jump start. A quick weekend away also works, especially if there is a hot tub in the room. If he doesn't want to experiment at all you have to decide if you can live with boring sex. I know I couldn't.

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Guest

I think if he is unwilling to work on having a fulfilling sex life, and you want one (even when not hypomanic and horny) and you're starting to stray, it's a sign that you need to end the relationship and look elsewhere.

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If I could count all my cyber GFs and BFs on two hands, I'd be surprised. ;)

Is it really cheating? I don't think so. Is getting off looking at porn also, never, it's fun.

Next generation cybersex could get closer but it is never cheating, it's imaginary.

Just don't tell the other real love.

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Embarrassed,

I feel for ya. I hope that you can work something out. Sex is one of the most major aspects of a relationship. He doesn't seem very willing to cooperate. I really feel for you. *hugs*

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Embarrassed,

Sex is one of the most major aspects of a relationship. He doesn't seem very willing to cooperate.

Mentalcase has a major point. Sorry I missed the point of your concern.

At 22, don't forget yourself or your needs. If you ignore them now, feel uncomfortable, unsatified, then ask yourself if you will be happy or sad 5 years from now. I Asked myself those Questions at 30, and filed for a divorce, as I wanted to be happy, feel real love and companionship. I have never once looked back and said that I made a wrong decision. It was life shaking at the time.

Lots of thought helps now and not later, as life comes at you fast, Karunda.........DJ

Edited by DustyJr

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Well, embarrassed, I would not make any major changes until I reached more of a place of stability.

Sexuality is an important part of a relationship but not the most important part. It may time and experience to understand this. I do think that you both should talking about and to his doctor about it to try meet the needs of both of you. I do understand that you're young and want to experiment. You have to decide whether you want to try to engage your partner more, or if you have enough and want to move on. Mature good men are hard to find. So consider his other qualities too. If he continues to stonewall you, I would say, that is a bad sign. Get the communication going so that you both know where you stand.

In my experience, sexuality with a long time partner ebbs and flows. If you both want the relationship to work, there are ways to make your sex life great again. Cybersex can be addictive for some people, so be careful. I wouldn't worry about the experiences though. I wouldn't do it because I would be too paranoid that my boyfriend would find out and be hurt. Plus I don't have the desire for cybersex now. I hope you're doing well.

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I don't know about the question of cheating, to me it's not about whether I make physical contact with another person, it's whether I am experiencing something sexual with another person when that stuff is reserved for my significant other. I know I'd be upset if I found out that my boyfriend was having cybersex.

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