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It seems the harder I try, the more I struggle to get out of this deep, deep depression. I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything at all, other than lay around on my couch or in my bed. I know I need a job, I have applied and applied and applied to jobs, with no luck so far. My bank account has $19.82 in it and I don't know when more money will be coming my way. But the scariest part about it all is, that I don't really care. I don't recall ever feeling this low before in my entire life. I feel like just laying here on the couch or in the bed and rotting(sp?!) away. Last Friday night, I was suicidal, I finally decided I was going to go through with it and a friend talked to me through the whole night and into the afternoon on Saturday and I was convinced to try to stick it out a little longer. 'Live for today' Today, I even hate my own screen name! Because I don't want to live4today, or tomorrow, or the next day. DANGIT, I DON'T!

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Hi,

I read your introduction for details about whats been going on with you. I noticed that you dont mention anything related to seeing a Pdoc or Tdoc or meds. Have you tried any of those?

I am sorry for all that you have been thru. Its seems like a lot to bare for only one person who has so little support. I am glad to hear that you have at least one good friend who talked you out of suicide. No matter what you may think, (and it is the depression talking) this person had been there for you because they care for your well-being. And I know how easy it is to drive people off because of depression and talking about problems and whatnot. Sometimes unless a person has been there, it doesnt matter what you tell them they just wont understand.

As far as somebody helping you out of the depression, I think ultimately only you can help yourself by seeking the right medical care for your issues. But hang around here too, because you will find that you can develop an additional support system that can help thru the rough times.

I wish you well, and hope you can get the help you need to overcome your depression.

Selene

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there is enough first hand evidence right here that there gives credence to medical help for the misery of depression, to have helped me while i waited for an appointment and the ongoing dose regulation.

my experience such that i feel that i can say that when you get psychiatric help, there is an unavoidable wait before there is a gain in life's quality.

go and pursue help from medical people. do it by any means available to you.

best,

rpmcmurphy

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It seems the harder I try, the more I struggle to get out of this deep, deep depression. I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything at all, other than lay around on my couch or in my bed. I know I need a job, I have applied and applied and applied to jobs, with no luck so far. My bank account has $19.82 in it and I don't know when more money will be coming my way. But the scariest part about it all is, that I don't really care. I don't recall ever feeling this low before in my entire life. I feel like just laying here on the couch or in the bed and rotting(sp?!) away. Last Friday night, I was suicidal, I finally decided I was going to go through with it and a friend talked to me through the whole night and into the afternoon on Saturday and I was convinced to try to stick it out a little longer. 'Live for today' Today, I even hate my own screen name! Because I don't want to live4today, or tomorrow, or the next day. DANGIT, I DON'T!

I doubt if you can pull out of this by yourself. It's a disease. You need treatment. If you don't have insurance find some program that will help you anyway. Meds can really help. If you're really lucky, as I was, the first one you try might help a lot, and you could be feeling much better in as little as two weeks (though it might take as long as two months, if it works, so patience may be necessary, as if one can be patient when depressed) If you do take meds, be prepared to feel a bit weird for a while, and commit not to doing anything dumb in the interim. I'll bet there's info on this site you can use to find some kind of program.

Your job search may have to be on hold for a bit. People don't really like to hire depressed people, despite the fact that a lot of people would stop being so depressed shortly after landing the job! It's all about putting on a happy face when you want to tell them all they're full of shit. Ok, when you stop being depressed you can kinda forget that they're full of shit for a while. Sorta. (I am trying to be a little encouraging without giving you a sunshine enema, because I kind of remember what that was like, and it didn't help.)

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If you are thinking of suicide and don't have a pdoc I would suggest you check yourself in somewhere. They can suggest follow up care and get you a pdoc faster than if you called around. Hang in there!

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