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Worst week ever. Mourning and MI do not mix


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OK in the course of one week i have been intensly depressed, hypomanic, ridiculously rageful and furious. A family member died and its been devastating to everybody. I've been to very few wakes in my life- always old people i didn't know. Here was someone my age who i did know. I can't get the image of him in the casket out of my head. yesterday i went into a complete panic attack fearing everyone i know will die.

oh and i physically injured myself falling down. oh yeah-and this all happend on my birthday.

and i feel like a narcisistic pig complaining at all.

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Sounds like a lousy week to me, and you can whine all you want.

One of the things that I've noticed since I turned (ahem) 50 is that more and more obits deal with people YOUNGER than I!

sigh

I don't blame you for being upset, and if funerals are bad for you, try to avoid the open-casket ones in future so you don't freak yourself out. You can always get a stomach flu or something. Now have a cup of something warm and comforting, take your sleep med, and try to get some rest.

I hope tomorrow is better for you.

olga

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You are not a narcissistic pig for complaining. You are having a very very shitty week, to say the least, and you are allowed to be upset. It would be strange if you weren't upset.

I'm sorry this all had to happen-- and around your birthday, to boot!

Try and take care of yourself.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It IS hard when someone your own age or younger dies. It feels unnatural and unfair, and it makes me feel guilty for living when the person who died loved life so much more than I do.

I'm with Olga. Stay as far away from open caskets as you can. It's such a barbarous tradition. A panic attack is a perfectly reasonable response. So is being depressed and furious.

And when you're feeling a little better, I hope you will treat yourself to a birthday do-over. You certainly deserve it.

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I'm sorry everything has been so terrible. You're not being narcissistic. Death sucks.

Your feelings are yours and you shouldn't feel guilty for having them.

I don't go up to open caskets.

Not even to my family.

Not my even my mom.

If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. Now that you know it makes you uncomfortable. And if people try to give you a hard time about it explain why. People tried making me feel bad for not wanting to see people "one last time" until I told them that I didn't want my last memory of my loved one to be a dead person.

That shut them up.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Yesterday I attended the funeral of the 19 year old son of a very close friend. I've been completely shattered by this, so I understand where you're coming from. I also don't think you're being at all narcisstic. I'm going through the same range of emotions and I don't really know what to do with myself. Close contact with death turns everything upside down.

try to take care of yourself

M

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mrsloony, i am really sorry to hear about your day. i know words don't mean anything right now, but i hope you can feel a little better each day.

If you are anti-religion, please disregard:

I recently got an e-mail with this quote: "If God brought you to it, he will get you through it."

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my dad, of course, was 21 years older than me, but his death (especially finding him dead) put me into such a rapid cycling spiral that i didn't settle down for 2 years. it was the intense grief that drove me to the heights and depths of human experience. i'm back again and can tell others about it finally in a way that seems more remote, whether that's good or not.

i am so very, very sorry for your loss. loss like this isn't something to take lightly.

talk to your tdoc about it. don't be afraid to write here for support. that's why we're here!

if you need, just share.

i know i've told the world here about my dad, and probably will continue to do it. his suicide is a powerful lesson to us all as an anti-suicide message as well as a way to deal with grief.

if you need to talk, please pm.

loon

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You know how when you're feeling awful and don't even realize you're holding it in- and then someone gives you a big hug and you burst into tears?

well- thank you all for the hug. i cried through each message. i didn't realize how much i needed the forgiveness for feeling horrible for complaining.

I had actually planned to stay away from the casket but we went to the funeral home early in the morning to drop off photos etc and he was already laid? layed? out so i was kind of cought by surprise. then the only direct way into the room made you go right by him- i mean the casket was by the wall just barely past the doorway. then of course i had to be in the recieving line and watch everyone cry. and watching someone close reach out and touch him from the kneeling thing- i didn't think i'd ever get over that- don't know if i ever will.

YOu know we try to be all equal about everything, like that it would be good for boys and men to cry without shame. but the fact is in the times i've grown up in anyway- that hasn't become the case even though i feel its the thing to do to encourage boys to be comfortable with.

this said- it is absolutely devastating to see men cry. its like watching their tears gave me pain to my core. another image i can't get out of my head.

greeny- i must say i like the idea of a birthday do-over. I'll have to tuck that idea away for when i feel like i can celebrate again.

thanks everyone. i'm sure this is far from over- nice to know you all are here to offer support in my most desperate times. thanks. mrs l

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Oh, mrsloony, I am so very sorry. I'm going through the same thing, with my mom having died a week ago, and I agree heartily - mourning and MI do not mix.

All I can do is second what everyone else has said - don't get down on yourself for feeling bad, you have every right to do so; and try hard to take care of yourself, including a happy birthday celebration, when you're feeling up to it. You deserve it.

People tried making me feel bad for not wanting to see people "one last time" until I told them that I didn't want my last memory of my loved one to be a dead person.

I agree completely with Maddy. My mom had a closed casket, but the funeral director encouraged the family to look at her one last time before the casket was closed. I didn't think I wanted to but he said, "Most people find it very helpful, she'll look so much better than she did in the hospital". Well - I'll spare you the gory details - but it did not make me feel better, and she did not look like herself, and now it's just one more mental image of her that I wish I didn't have.

I understand from your description that in your case, you were taken by surprise, and seeing the casket was unavoidable. I'm just casting my vote for in the future, whenever possible, avoid that.

Take care of yourself.

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I'm sorry everything has been so terrible. You're not being narcissistic. Death sucks.

Your feelings are yours and you shouldn't feel guilty for having them.

I don't go up to open caskets.

Not even to my family.

Not my even my mom.

If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. Now that you know it makes you uncomfortable. And if people try to give you a hard time about it explain why. People tried making me feel bad for not wanting to see people "one last time" until I told them that I didn't want my last memory of my loved one to be a dead person.

That shut them up.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss, yes it is hard when someone your age or younger passes away. Please take care of yourself.

I have to say I feel the same way about wakes...I will NOT go to one unless its my immediate family. If it makes other people angry then so be it. Makes me depressed and very uncomfortable.

Miss C.

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