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So, this may trigger so just in case

;)

:)

It's back. I was never officially diagnosed as having an ED, mostly because my parents didn't seek help for me when I was most active (age 13-16). However, my pdoc felt certain that I have one that is just currently not evident.

Well, it's returned with a vengence. I've been living alone the past couple of weeks because my fiance made the "Big Move" ahead of me to find a place and a job. I'm currently moving about 12 hours away from where I live and completely uprooting my life. I have no way of getting in to the pdoc right now and I have no tdoc. The best I would get is a brief consult with someone at mental health and a recommendation to go to the hospital. I can't be hospitalized right now, I seriously have to pack and I have no one to look after my animals in the meantime.

I've started to restrict alternating with a binge/purge. I'm down 10 lbs already. I have no control over this, I know I'm hurting myself and it doesn't seem to matter. I'm trying to force myself to eat small amounts of healthy food, but I feel constantly nauseous. I've just upped my lamictal so I think that might be contributing to the nausea.

As soon as I'm in my new city I'll immediately seek out help, but in the meantime I'm trying to do some damage control. I'm thinking the small meals are a good thing and then distract myself so that I don't purge. My distractions include: walking the dog, playing an instrument, playing on the computer, and yoga. Anyone have any other ideas or input?

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Ok, not great but ok. I'm still doing the binge purge thing, but I've actually gone for a day without doing so. I'm just generally a mess right now, and I can't wait until the move is over. I really need a pdoc and a tdoc and all those other good things.

The good thing is that some of my distractions work, and I can get past the desire to purge. It doesn't guarantee that my willpower will last all day, but I've avoided that one time. At least with this particular crash I'm not going to have more scars to deal with, just all the lovely bulimia type stuff. I'm honestly afraid to see a dentist (aside from my typical phobia) because I don't want to know about the enamel damage I may have.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ok, not great but ok. I'm still doing the binge purge thing, but I've actually gone for a day without doing so. I'm just generally a mess right now, and I can't wait until the move is over. I really need a pdoc and a tdoc and all those other good things.

The good thing is that some of my distractions work, and I can get past the desire to purge. It doesn't guarantee that my willpower will last all day, but I've avoided that one time. At least with this particular crash I'm not going to have more scars to deal with, just all the lovely bulimia type stuff. I'm honestly afraid to see a dentist (aside from my typical phobia) because I don't want to know about the enamel damage I may have.

I binge, but do not purge so I'm not sure this is relevant in your case. I find that if I make sure I have no bingeable foods around the house that I can control it much more easily as I will not go out somewhere just to get that kind of food. Also, when I was exercising real regularly I didn't have as big a problem.

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