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I think I'n going to end up in the hospital very soon. I just don't think I can make it if I don't. I am utterly depressed, empty and generally feeling like shit. I have a plan and the implements in place. Not I do not yet really have the drive to do it. I don't feel like I can talk to my pdoc. There have been some suggested alternatives to calling him but I just can't. I have been compliant with my meds. thing is, they are not working well. I don't fault my pdoc is at fault. He's a good doc and is trying. I am worried about the pdocs at the hospital. They are not very smart in my experience. I/ve been hospitalized 3 times in the past 3 years. I feel like this is not appropriate to go in so many times. The last thing I want is to go in but I don't know what else to do. I feel alone, empty and confused.

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I was in the hospital 4 times in 10 months and nobody seemed to think anything of it. If thats what it takes so be it. Can you go to a different hospital close by? Have you exhausted all treatment options? Possibly ECT treatments? More therapy. My new way of thinking is that sometimes it helps to try accepting that things are bad and thats the way they will remain until I die. It is sometimes liberating to see only the bad things in life and accept it. At least you can go forward.

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Oh sdjeff,

You are so not alone. Just this morning, I feel soooo bad. (I'm tritating up on Lamactil and the side effects are killing me. Pdoc wants me to hang in there) But, I don't have much hope. I think either I won't be able to tolerate the side effects or it won't work. Why do I think that? Because I've been on meds for years and I've yet to stabilize. Outside this morning, I threw my arms up in the air and cried "what IS that you want me to DO?!?! So, like you, I feel very alone & confused too. I've been in the hospital four times in the last four years and if that is what you need to keep yourself safe, then do it. I understand your fear about the doctors and treatment, but when I get to the point of suicide, anything has got to be better than that pain and the results. I would call my Pdoc today to see if there is anything I can do TODAY (Med-wise) to help myself to start feeling better. I've learned to be quite assertive and calling my Pdoc. whenever I need help. I've learned to describe in detail exactly what I'm feeling so she really gets the picture. I'm sorry that you don't feel like you can talk to your Pdoc. Why is that? What are the alternatives to calling your Pdoc?

God, I hope you feel better soon. And me too.

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Why is it not appropriate? If that is where you need to be to be safe and get some rest, then go. You are worth protecting and healing. I know that depression whispers in your ear that you can't possibly take the action that you need to, but you will find that one small movement of picking up the phone and dialling a number can be an enormous help. At the very least speak to a helpline or trusted relative or friend.

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I was in the psych. ward a month ago for the first time. It helped a lot to be in a safe place where the only responsibility I had was to figure out how to get better. And having other people to talk to in group therapy really helped. There were 5 of us who really became good support buddies. Why not just go? Maybe this time, it will be more helpful. Wishing you better, mel.

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