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Tangent from Huh?


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I'm the chic from "Huh?  What the fuck?"

So, I don't think my boyfriend is ever going to be able to deal with my bipolar which was grandly illustrated yesterday during a ultrarapid cycling episode landing my adorable ass in the ER due to the urge to jump out of my skin and obsessive thoughts of killing myself, spurting out random meaningless jargon (you're a frog on a lilypad) despair, and the like.  He may have tried, he had no idea what to do, he was useless, I finally told him to go play basketball, I went to the hospital without him.

When I returned from my jaunt, I was tired and cranky, he called and all he had to say after asking what was going on, but not seeming to really understand and be uncomfortable, was say in a pissy voice, "Am I annoying you?" 

How the hell do you answer that?

And then.

"Because I feel like I'm just getting in the way."

In a snotty tone of voice. Him, him, him.  I, I, I.  I know I'm confused, annoyed, and irritated, but come on.  I just had a brand, spanking new monkey wrench thrown into this BP shit.  The fucking world is not revolving around him right now.  Give me a fucking break.  I even let him read my post in the bipolar forum so he would kind of understand how I felt at the time.

Has anyone out there been here?  Do they get over this?  Is it a growing pain?  Will he figure this out?   

I hate when I sound super bitchy.  I feel so super bitchy.

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Well, it does sound like you are right and he's just not doing very well understanding this stuff and what it might be like from your viewpoint. However, I can also say from experience that when my girlfriend was, in our case usually from PMDD, acting as if everything is bad, it's hard not to have a gut feeling that she was pretty angry at me, or even that I was a bad person. And often she was angry for a couple of tough days. Low blood sugar would bring on the same behavior as well. Perhaps, when you're feeling ok, you should write down and discuss with him a few things he could do next time this happens. Even if he's irritating the hell out of you and seemed clueless, he probably knows enough to try and stop you from hurting yourself. And, if he is doing these things, not only will you be better off, but he won't feel useless.

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Hee hee.  Sorry, still cycling during that last outburst.  Hee hee.

Normal now.  I kind of decided that I don't like having people around.  I would rather be around people who don't know me, so I can act like a total ass and not be judged.  He's kind of off my "support system" anyways.  I had to fill out a thing for the hospital and I didn't put him down.  Call him sure, yep she's here, but I don't expect much else from him.  He's had a two year prep period and he chose to procrastinate until the last second which then caught him unprepared.

Boo hoo.  Test failed.  You get an F.  Better luck next time.  Study harder.

Now that I have the puzzle figured out a weight is lifted.  Then again, I could just be cycling into a different phase which involves a "I know everything, and I don't care about this anymore."  which is also quite possible.  Would I know that if I were?  Would I question it?  Hmmm.  Deep thoughts for a crazy.

I'm probably being to hard on the goomba as Ido suggested, but youcan only force a person to do so much.  I've been talking and talking and talking.  I think I should be done for a while. 

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