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God I'm a sicky... its either the unbearable pressure or whats worse for me is when I go all numb and unreal feeling.Like I'm coming loose from reality, like I'm locked out of my own damned body. Last week I couldn't stand it any more and started burning patches on my arms with a lighter. It was the first time that I've burned myself when I was numb like that , usually I cut myself, there is no comfort on earth to me like seeing that first ooze of blood. But my bf and I had been really arguing about the cutting and after I ended up in the hospital a month and a half ago from cutting too deep I tried to promise that I wouldn't. So  weird how at first I couldn't even feel the fire at all, watching my skin pucker and blister, and then it was like a sensation, but not really pain at first. I didn't stop until it was really hurting.  My bf found out when the blisters started popping and making my sleeve all wet. He kind of understands why I do it, but it's hard for him to deal with. I keep peeling off the scabs because they itch so bad and now I want to burn again. I feel stupid for writing this, like a silly drama queen, but these urges are driving me mad. Sorry to bore people with my little episodes.

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No, you're not a sicky, unless I'm a sicky too.  Burning is actually my preferred SI.  Your burns don't sound that bad, but I'd still caution to keep an eye it, as they can get infected easier than cuts.

I'm sorry the urges are driving you crazy.  I wish I had something helpful to say.  Urges have always been more tenacious than any attempts I've made at trying to fend them off.

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Burning can be equally as dangerous as cutting....... I have been known to do both and a lot of other methods of si too.......

please keep an eye on your burns and make sure you treat them well.....

thinking of you

xxx

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For me, burns have always been more dangerous than cuts.  I've had four stays in the Regional Burn Center.  I have skin grafts covering over 20% of my body, not including my donor sites(of course). 

You had mentioned that you were numb when you did it.  I can understand that.  The main reason I switched to burning was because I couldn't feel the cutting enough.  I mean, what's the use if it's not painful?  For me, it's an equilibrium thing.

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  • 9 years later...

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