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I can't take any more of this.


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Wife is gone. Divorce is looming. House is empty. Job is going nowhere. Kid says he hates me. Best friend moved to freaking Virginia. Got drunk last week and am kicking my own ass for doing it. Remeron has quit working (I think). Knees are shot. Overweight. My cat won't come in at night. Drive a big assed Suburban and gas is $2.50 a gallon. Can't sleep. Tired all day. This morning, a big ol' wasp stung in in my freaking eye and it hurts like hell. Thinking BAD THOUGHTS. And they won't GO AWAY.

You know, until that bug stung me today, I didn't think too much about everything else. But now I am starting to take this personally. I mean how much crap are we expected to put up with? One minute I feel fairly well grounded and now...

I just want someone to tell me it is going to be alright. I will even believe it. I will get up in the morning one more time and try to get through the day. God, I HATE feeling like this. I don't want to say it, but I will- THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!! NONE OF US DESERVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS!!!! And those condescending, "just smile, it's not that bad" dickweeds can kiss my butt.

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel of a train coming at me?

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Tad, are you a tad bit depressed and pissed off? Then this if definitely the right place to be.  It seems it never rains but it pours. We know this is the depression talking and you definitely have a lot to be depressed about.  With all that shit going on no wonder you feel this way.  It will get better (keep repeating that until your brain believes it).  Are you seeing a pdoc or tdoc.  It is very important that you be taking the right meds at a time like this and especially important to talk to a therapist about how to better cope with all that has come your way.  I know it all sucks right now but you will soon see that light at the end of the tunnel.  Keep posting, sometimes its the only thing you can do until some of the dust settles.  Sulu

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1badbert, I detect a sense of humor from you even with the awful things going on in your life.  In fact, I hope you don't mind, but your post made me laugh a little even while describing how so many of us feel.  Keep posting.  There are several here who make me feel better just by reading their posts even when they're feeling bad--Cerberus, ldo, Breeze to name a few.  I may have to add you to my "favorite posters" list. 

(By the way, everything will be allright.  We'll make it.  ;) )

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Oh, badbert:

Of course it's going to get better!  If you're at the bottom, the only way out is up, right?

Seriously, it will get better.  You do have a great sense of humor lurking behind all that misfortune and that will help you get through this.

Now, to address practical issues:  drinking feels good when you do it, but it knocks the hell out of your meds.  (You ARE taking an anti-depressant, right?)  So if you want the meds to work, go easy on the beer/booze/wine.  I know your ex just called you to sign the final papers, so I totally understand the need to get shit-faced.  (If it makes you feel any better, the month I got divorced I was unemployed, and spent my check at my local bar to avoid going home and facing the soon-to-be ex.  I hadn't been able to find my own apartment, so I lived on a barstool.....)

But your mantra needs to be:  "This will pass.  I will get through this crappy time."  It IS a black hole and I remember it clearly.  No one around here would minimize your pain or tell you to just "buck up."  But try to push that squirrel-caging stuff out of your brain with something helpful. 

This will pass.  This will pass.  My life is not over.  My kid will grow up and get a brain some day.

When you can't take it, sit down at the computer and vent some more.  We're here, and we're listening.

olga

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I don't want to say it, but I will- THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!

1badbert-

You're right.  It's not fair.

But that's the way it is.

I'm just now recovering from a similar situation:  found out I was gay and desperately didn't want to be, got divorced though we haven't signed the papers yet, house empty, my kids are confused, overweight, my dog won't come in (mainly because I had to bury her last fall), best friend insists on living in freaking Manhattan

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I just want someone to tell me it is going to be alright.

It will be all right.  It really will.  It doesn't rain but pour on my head, too, but I've found that most problems have a way of resolving themselves in time.  Divorce is rough (I've been through one), but being stuck in a relationship with someone you don't get along with all that well sucks more.  Adolescence/teen years suck, but kids grow up and (ideally) learn to deal with their emotions productively and eventually come to appreciate the sacrifice, hope, and nurturing that was invested in them.  And so forth.

:::Hugs:::  And go see your pdoc (or find one)!

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Thank you, all of you. I know it will get better. I do. Being able to go on a rant in a safe place like here is so..well, safe. So, thank you.

I killed the wasp. Last night I found all his little evil buddies and TORCHED their freakin' house!!! BAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!! Take that, Spawn of Satan!!!! Then I remembered my house is attatched to theirs. Crap. Just kiddin'. They lived under the mail box. Gonna buy a mail box on the way home tonight. B)

Cerberus, thanks for the perspective. Life truely is not fair and no one ever said I should expect otherwise.  If not for the detours on Life's Great Path it would be such a sad, soulless trip. I wish you peace, Brother. And if my cat shows up with your dog, I'll let you know.

I will keep my sense of humor as my shield against the slings and arrows Fate sends my way. If I can't poke fun at myself then I will lose my best material.

Peace

Bobby

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Hey Bobby-

Don't feel alone man. I went through a bad divorce 20 years ago and my ex made a flippin' head case out of my son. He is divorced, won't work, takes drugs and gets drunk while my ex supports him.

A year later I got remarried and two years later my present wife came done with a chronic illness. She still cannot do much of anything because of her poor health. My kid brother died in a terrible accident 6 years ago, he was my best friend. Two years ago I was dx'd as a head case.

Life sucks in general, I agree. The only reason I hang around is to pester the hell out of everyone and help my youngest son TRY to get through college. He's a dx'd headcase also.

Ain't life grand? Pooooo!!

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boy did I ever need to read everything in this thread...

thank you all for posting!

I've been reading and lurking for a few days, still feel somewhat ok, but also sad. I am not looking forward to seeing my pdoc this week for an eval for BP. For some reason, it's more comfortable to have MDD and GAD. BP sounds scarier to  me, yet it would explain alot.

But reading what's been posted here has given me a better perspective.(I hope!)

It's leaving my comfort level with the MDD and GAD, and adjusting to the fact that there may be another dx to deal with...and more meds.

well, I lay claim to the title of Chicken Shit of The South ;)

new things/changes are not my strong point--is it anybody's? probably not, so I am in some very good company!

Who knows? Maybe it will lead to something better in the long run.

spike

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