um, hi

[nyota]

I've been lurking around the boards for a few weeks, and I thought it was time to stop being a wallflower and step up with a firm, hearty handshake. Hi.

Let's see... I've been treated for depression, semi-successfully (meaning I do get out of bed, but I'm still not thrilled about it), for about 15 years. I very painfully made it through school and a couple of degrees, constantly wondering how I could let things get so bad. Now I'm getting the message that it may have been ADD all along, which is very interesting and maybe puts a whole new spin on things - except that I've tried 4 stimulants in just over a month and I'm still stuck sitting on the couch crying and agonizing over all the things I'm not doing. As usual, it all feels like a chaotic mess where I let everything worthwhile just sort of slip away.

And I want to try to get pregnant, which ideally means getting off most meds entirely - and that's scary.

Well, anyway, I think this site is great; informative and occasionally even hilarious. So many strong people with all flavors of worry who respect their complicated brains and make me want to try harder.

[r.mcmurphy]

you are so welcome here nyota. there are loonys galore. i am in my black chair way down the coast from you.

oregon crackpots rule!

[SunshineOutside]

Welcome! I'm glad this site encourages you! And it's a good tool to feel connected and understood when everything and everyone has slipped away. I hope that you find what you are looking for here! Keep posting

[celestia]

I've been treated for depression, semi-successfully (meaning I do get out of bed, but I'm still not thrilled about it), for about 15 years. I very painfully made it through school and a couple of degrees, constantly wondering how I could let things get so bad. Now I'm getting the message that it may have been ADD all along,

Hi, and welcome glad you finally posted, sounds like yer in the right place!

I wanted to comment about what I quoted. My dx is primary Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and ADD w/o hyperactivity. FWIW. I was dx'ed with ADD in my 40's, as when I was a child girls just weren't looked at much period in schools, little girls I mean--elementary school. I would stare out the window all day, in my own world and went on to have an abysmal academic secondary school career. I've had better success in college.

Anyhoo, my docs and I have long discussed the relationship between depression and ADD, especially in women of my generation, and we all agree it's irrelevant *how*, *when*, and all that stuff, but far more productive to just treat the symptoms, which I did understand you are doing.

Finding the right med cocktail when you have multiple and very different things mis-firing in the cranium can be frustrating to say the least. MOST of us, if not ALL of us, have had problems in this area. I am med resistant to anti-depressants for example and have had an effing time keeping that beast under control--but that's my story and has been puked up elsewhere.

I just wanted to say hi, and post away. Also, I just returned to the NE after a year in Brookings, OR and other than the dampness crushing my poor rheumatoid riddled bones, I loved it there.

S9

[r.mcmurphy]

saturnine,

2 rivers up the coast=port orford, still in the "bannana belt" far smaller and less crowded than brookings but lacking any amenity's. one horse town for sure. the town doc is also the coroner. gotta see him one way or another.

this is the windiest area on the coast.after every winter storm i have to tramp though the huckleberry and brush to find the plastic lawn chairs. the winter rains get to you one way or another, that's for sure.

[zenbean]

Let's see... I've been treated for depression, semi-successfully (meaning I do get out of bed, but I'm still not thrilled about it), for about 15 years.

Welcome Nyota. I can see you have a sense of humor yourself.

Glad you found us, and glad you decided to start mingling.

Hope you find this place helpful and supportive as you sort out what's going on. I certainly have.

As for all you Oregonians - I understand it's beautiful - but how do you live somewhere where it rains, like, all the time? I'd be suicidal. Seriously. I guess that's just the SAD bent of my BP, but I give y'all a lot of credit.

[scatty]

Hello & welcome! Glad we are inspiring to you.

[nyota]

Thanks everyone. It's very nice to feel included, even from far away.

Saturnine, I'm really getting up to speed on what you mean re women & ADD. Never in a million years would someone have paid attention to me 25 years ago as having 'problems'. ADD was for out-of-control boys who freaked me out at recess. And now that it's starting to make more sense, I'm pretty pissed that not one of the dozens of highly paid professionals I've bitched to over the years ever thought to dig a little deeper. Maybe i wouldn't be this soggy mess if someone had. Maybe I'd be a highly paid professional by now too!! No, apparently I just have low self esteem, anxiety and lack of direction because my parents divorced when I was little. Huh?? Whatever. (It's funny, but I seem to be sort of going through a classic grief process over this: first denial, now anger! And the 'treatment' isn't even working yet...) Obviously, this diagnosis won't solve all my problems, and I won't get anywhere by wishing away the last decade or so of my life, but when even as of a month ago I was weeping to a psychologist that I just couldn't get past washing the dishes because I couldn't figure out where to start or how to organize the process, and she wants me to 'talk more about my father' - one does have to wonder.

Ok, rant done. Moving on!

As for living in the perpetually drippy PNW, I'll definitely agree that the lack of light gets to me sometimes, and that it's easier to be good about exercising when it's dry and sunny. On the other hand, for someone who's so down on herself for not being enough of a sparkly high achiever, it's oddly comforting to have depressing weather. God, if I lived in LA I'd have to always be outside enjoying things and being productive - and that's way way too much pressure!