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oh my god heart attack

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I feel horrible right now I can barely type I'm hitting the keys like 4 or 5 times sometimes, other times I just cant lower my finger I'm really not well. I was at my boyfriend's house watching the Yankees and he was drunk when I got there. He kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking. I kept asking him to stop, but I wasn't forcefull enough. I just did the 'honey don't you think you should slow it down?' coward crap. He just kept going. (And mind you he's not even slightly violent so that's not where this is headed.) Eventually he got so drunk that he started vomiting. It was awful. I could hear it and he made a gigantic mess in the bathroom. I started to really get anxious and I just saw my entire life and everything I'm doing wrong right now and I had to leave. How could I stay anyway? I'd have to pee eventually and I wasn't going to clean up his puke. So I told him I had to leave. He freaked out and asked if this meant it was over. I just told him I was upset and that I had to go. So he begged me to call him tomorrow and I agreed but I don't think I can.

I should add that I'm 24 and I've been bulimic since I was 13. Seeing people vomit is an instant trigger I can't even control it.

I don't think I can stay with someone who gives me panic attacks.

And of course I drove home. That was so stupid. Just stupid stupid. My hands and feet were shaking so bad. I had to drive with the cruise control on so I didn't have to worry about watching my speed, just the road. I drove over some potholes and I jumped. I really seriously jumped out of my seat. I can't believe I did that.

So now I guess I'll have to break up with him. That's too bad. The sex is incredible and he's dopily in love with me. I'm calming down a big but god that was scary. I'm safe on my bed so that's helping.

One thing you didnt mention was how you feel about him. Are you in love with him? Also is he going through some shit at the moment or does he just do this for the sake of it?

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