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I have terrible judgement


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I'm regretting just about every single relationship I've been in right now. Every man was just gross and wrong and I get disgusted at the sheer thought of sex. Is this because I've been raped so many times? How the hell will I ever be able to love someone for real and for all their flaws better or for worse if I always end up feeling this way about literally everyone? What's the point of doing this anymore?

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Hi,

I felt sad when I read your post. I've felt that way too, and it took some time and some therapy to really move myself to a place where I could consider dating someone again. This time, I have picked someone based on a gut feeling that this man was a good one, rather than being picked by a man who swept me off my feet because he was trying to hide the fact he was up to no good. This time, I have been true to my whole self rather than playing a part. This time, I ask for what I want, and say no to what I don't. This time, I stay, even when we disagree and it's frightening. This time, I took the sex thing slowly. Of course it helps that my boyfriend, despite his own set of flaws, is kind, and patient, and honest, and works hard to 'get' what I am saying and where I am coming from. But both he and I play a part.

Rape does initially take something from you. For a long time you think it is your dignity. Or your ability to repsect yourself. I thought it was my beauty, I thought my body was a treacherous thing that sent out signals against my will. It was this landscape for abuse and torture and pain. I hated it. The truth is, I was alwasy beautiful, the innocent, and full of dignity. Still am, a rapist can't take that from you. It just gets hidden behind guilt and loathing. So until I could work through that, sex was always problematic for me. But rape doesn't rob you of a chance for romance and good sex. The kind you choose and delight in. You have that opportunity the same as any other person. You might have to work to get there though, after something as traumatic as rape.

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