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i hope she doesnt find out


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Ok my friend, well my best friend. we get along like some of the same types of music and clothes. but i cut and she doesnt. she told me people who cut are freaks who need to get some help and she wouldnt dare to be friends with one. you see my sister knows and my sister sees my friend every day and she sucks at keeping secrets. she lets things slip all the time and i dont want my friend to find out or she will treat me differantly. she has seen the scars but i told her my "dog" did them ages ago.. i really dont want her finding out.

does anyone have advice for me or am i on my own or should i tell her?

i dont really go on this much so if someone could email me on

rox-chix@hotmai.co.uk that would be great

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Torn apart,

While it would be nice if we could find friends who understood things like this, sometimes our friends have fears and prejudices of their own, yet we want to keep them. If you are staying friends with this person because, despite being ignorant about this issue, they are a generally kind person, that I understand your worries.

Could you tell your sister what you have told us, and stress ow important it is that your cutting doesn't get back to this friend? Alternatively, you could take a risk, and show your friend your cuts, and explain that you're not a freak, you do have a friends, but you are struggling with this. You might lose your friend. Or you might discover that it is common in life for people to say that they hate things, until someone they care about has it, and then they have to re evaluate it. I do think that if you are a close for the long term, your friend will probably find out somehow.

I'm also concerned about whether you have had any contact with health services about your cuts, not just to keep them clean so they heal, but to assess why you cut and how to help you stop, if that is what you want. You do sound relatively young (that is not a bad thing) does your family know this is happening, and do they support you?

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If it's important to keep her as a friend, I would try to change her mind by presenting material about cutting and it's uses and reasons as a third party with no invested interest. Eventually she will find out.. and a good friend should know; otherwise there will always be a barrier between you two. All you have to do is a "look at what I found" sort of thing and gauge her reaction. It's possible her mind could be changed... otherwise the friendship won't last the way you want it to.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's a hard one, because either way is a risk. If this is someone that you're really close to you'll eventually want to be able to share the good and bad with them, even though it hurts. I think I'd try to bring up SI casually, in ways that don't relate to you specifically. It's gradually becoming more open, and more people are aware of SI. I've even seen articles on it in fluff magazines, so there are some easier lead ins to discussing it now than there have been in the past.

So many people I know have pleasantly surprised me in the way they've dealt with me being more open about my various issues. Of course, I don't have the courage to be completely open with anyone besides my fiance but I'm working on it. I've had people who were antipsych meds slowly come around and begin to question their attitudes, it even helped a previously closed off friend finally seek help for his depression. Another friend began to discuss his ED issues with me after I finally confided in him about my own struggles. There are some people out there who will remain closed off forever, but I find that most people who truly care about you at least try to understand and accept.

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