Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
december_brigette

my dad is dead

Recommended Posts

hi all:

thanks to everyone who posted on my "dying dad" thread.

now dad is dead - friday night.

i was able to see him friday afternoon. he was able to grab my hand.

my mom had a "celebration of life" service at her church this evening....when he was still alive. there will be no other services. i didnt go to tonights for a variety of reasons i dont wish to write now.

after the service people came over to our house for dinner. it ended up being very late. en route to her hotel, my sister stopped by the hospital to see my dad. at the time he was still alive. he died approx 5 minutes after she left. we figure dad did not want anyone to see him pass.

when the hospital called us to advise of his death - mom, me, my 2 brothers & sister went back to the hospital to see his dead body. he looked very peaceful. i started taking the various medical stickers off of him. my mom said there are people who do that. i said i wanted to make dad look less sick. wierd.

dr house (heh heh) is doing an autopsy to see what really happened. after that, dad will be cremated.

db

Edited by december_brigette

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear DB, I am so sorry. I understand how you feel. My dad died from cancer when I was 19. It was almost a blessing that he went if you think in terms of his immense suffering. But that doesn't make it any easier for those left behind. I'm with you. Take care, mel1.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry, Deeb.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, even when it's expected, it's hard. I'm so sorry, DB, and I'm glad you got to see him that last time.

hugs,

olga

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry. My thoughts are with you. I've never lost a parent, but I was devastated when my grandmother died when I was young. I wish you peace of mind, and I understand wanting to make him look normal again. You're a strong person... take care, ok?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry db. Take care of you. I'm holding you in my heart.

Btw, I noticed both your references to "Dr. House" (in this and previous post)...and smiled, because that's what we called my Mom's oncologist too...seems to be a lot of them out there.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. There are a lot of us here who care.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Guest_SunshineOutside_*

Dear DB,

I don't know what to say...I'm so sorry too.

Take care of you...Let your loved ones/friends comfort you and relax into their support of you.

It appears to me that by not attending the Celebration of Life, you are conscious of your needs and I so support that.

Sincerely,

SO

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry for your loss, DB.

I don't know what else I can say but I'm here to listen.

Luna

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DB, I'm really sorry. I hope for peace and comfort for you and all of your dad's loved ones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi all,

thank you all so much for your support. this is a truly "wierd" situation as im mourning my dad yet at the same time i have this wonderful baby who is full of smiles.

12 years ago this thanksgiving - my beloved grandpa died. we were very close. and he was the first dead body i ever saw....and i saw "the body" at the funeral - he died from congestive heart failure. my grandpa's funeral was very nice. that was also the first funeral i had ever been to.

it sucks ass that grandpa died on a holiday weekend....but thats for a different post.

so, it was weird to see dad's body because he was still in the hospital bed. and he had one eye half open.

i thank god/the universe for allowing my dad to live this extra week because it gave my sister a chance to come down from OR to be with my dad one last time. the last week of dad's life was hard to see....but he had a lot of moments of awareness even though he couldnt talk. he could respond to "grab my hand."

i stayed in the room when the tech removed the breathing tube. its not pretty to watch and my dad was gagging. prior the dr advised it would be good if we left the room because it could get "messy." but i didnt want my dad to be alone and if he was gonna die "in seconds" i wanted to be there. dad survived the removal of the breathing tube and was very much aware of what was happening. i know my dad was thankful to have that tube removed. after that, my dad had the ability to smile...and it wasnt just muscles dying...it was a real true smile. he did that several times. i held my dad's hand during the entire breathing tube removal process. im glad i was there for him.

the dude lived for 29 hours after the removal.

its wierd because my baby is so full of life, so happy, very much trying to be social & independent. she is a pure joy. im glad my dad got to be with her before he died. its just channelling the different emotions so i can be available for my baby.

db

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DB, it sounds like you're processing this all very well. I think it's right that you look to your baby during all of this. She is the future and the next generation of life and all of that... you were your dad's daughter and she is your daughter... I'm not explaining myself, but it makes intuitive sense to me and seems "right" or "fitting."

I'm glad you had that week and got to spend that time with your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep talking, and we'll keep listening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi all,

i'll keep talking. and god this stuff sucks.

dad did not have anything - no savings, no life insurance, no investments, nothing.

for the past year dad has been on SSA due to his end-stage renal failure. he received about 1k a month. prior to this, he was a security guard...making only a little bit more. dad's health for the past 12 years has been very bad and "security guard" was all he could do. HOWEVER....that was his favorite job of all time.

back to money -

my mom does not qualify for any death benefits as she is in her 50's. if someone has different info...let me know. we studied and looked into EVERYTHING.

my mom doesnt have anything either...she was forced to deplete her 401k in order to pay for dad's diaylsis.

i figure me & brothers can make up the difference - however, this also means that none of us can move out anytime soon. my mom's mortgage is approx 1k...the same amount dad was getting every month.

moral of the story - get some damn life insurance even if its only $5000. every little bit helps the survivors!! [although i know the MI can have a lot of problems getting decent life insurance coverage].

db

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi DB -

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, it must be very painful for you. It's funny that you said your dad died just a few minutes after your sister left the room, because my mom did the same thing. I'd been there with her all day, and was told she could go at any moment. I stepped out for a minute to use the restroom, and when I came back, she was gone. Maybe we'll feel the same when it's our time.

I'm glad you have your daughter there - I'm sure she's a comfort to you.

Catnapper

Edited for typos....

Edited by Catnapper

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Dec,

I'm sorry for your loss, but I am glad that your family could be with him. Sometimes we need to let our loved ones go, and they only feel able to do so when we walk out of the room, often they hold on while we are around because they think of us right till the end. I get the impression that he loved you all very much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear DB,

I am so very sorry for your loss, but like so may others, I think that those that know they are dying call the shots as to the final moments. May you and your family find peace and comfort in your memories. You are in my thoughts and prayers. mitten

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi All,

thank you all for posting - it helps me a great deal.

the idea of the dying chosing their time to go - throughout the whole ordeal dr. house kept saying that dad would make all the decisions of what would happen next. our "dr house" was very nice...especially to my mom. and dr house was right...dad did make all the decisions.

i posted photos of the flowers we recieved for dad's "celebration of life." Visit My Website

db

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...