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Hi all, I don't post much here..read frequently though. I'm posting because to put it mildly, I'm terrified.

Starting about a week ago, I began to feel that the neighbours were throwing things at my house and people were following me. I began to feel there was an extensive conspiracy in my neighbourhood to oust me, get me out of here. I'm still feeling that way...in a constant state of anxiety, especially when I go out, that people are following or watching me.

A friend took me to see a doc at the hospital last weekend, she was concerned and knows me well enough to know my behaviour was abnormal. I didn't recognise at the time and without her insistence that I see a doc, I would probably be much worse off. The doc has prescribed Risperdal, now up to 2 mg (also on lithium + aurorix for severe depression). The doc is doing blood work to rule out (or in) thyroid stuff...and says it could be a depressive psychosis. Whatever has caused it, he says I'm pyschotic and has the nurses coming to visit me at home often.

I get so exhausted and so incredibly anxious...and I hate this. I just started a work experience placement and some other job prospects are looking reasonably promising (after 18 months I really want to get back to work). I don't want this the be happening right now. I've managed to go to work for a few hours x 3 days...but I don't think I can do that much longer. I get so paranoid and anxious about everything and everyone. I'm also finding it hard to concentrate on driving because I get so distracted by noise, by worrying that cars are following me, etc.

I'm really worried about what this is, why this happened, if it's going to keep happening. And I'm scared to leave the house...I'm scared of everything. When I force myself to go out and run errands I come home a wreck and that carries over to the next day.

Nurses say that it can take a couple of weeks for Risperdal to do it's thing. Can anyone share experiences on what to expect? Will I feel better soon? Thanks

Sw

PS./ Forgot to add, one of the nurses thinks that I've been mildly psychotic for some time ( have been paranoid about neighbours for months) and the stress of work, etc has exacerbated the psychosis.

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bokworm,

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I have helped my son with similar psychosis several times and i can appreciate how frightening this must be for you.

Risperidal can be very helpful for you. I hope it kicks in soon. and i'm glad you have nurses coming to see you. it sounds like you're ok with that- that you trust them. (and your friend). that's a big step.

My son had to go from Risperidal to Zyprexa to Serequel and finally to Clozapine to find relief from his delusions without side effects. he is doing really well now, in a good job and able to manage his illness without difficulty.

so it may take some trials or you may hit the one that fits right off. Hang in there, okay? the meds and support will help you.

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Thanks Mind...hanging in I think. Still very scared and anxious..adrenals are getting a work out.

Apterix, thanks and good to hear that your son came through the other side and is doing well. Kinda gives me hope that I can too. Right now it's really hard to picture what will happen after this. You sound a great mum..mine has done her usual disappearing act when I really need her. No surprise there, but still hurts.

I do trust the nurses, they've been once before during a severe depression and were great then, as they are now.

I'll keep hanging in..hope the meds kick in soon.

Bw

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*hugs*

It WILL be all right. Nothing stays the same forever. Plus you have caught this early, and are taking an effective drug at a steady dose, with a nurse's supervision and support from a friend. It's scary, and disappointing, but this is not a flaw or a curse, you will recover. Many people have psychotic episodes in times of stress, some people only ever have one, I had psychotic symptoms for two years, now it's completely resolved, and I don't even take Risperdal anymore. I love Risperdal. It worked very well for me, it's the only AP I ever took and liked, that worked. It's like the psychosis never happened.

I know the fear is terrible, but try to do things that will comfort you and make you safe. Sometimes when I felt like I was being followed, I tried to work with that, I took unusual routes to public places, I carried a personal alarm and learned self defense, if you can't fight it, find healthy ways to manage it. I'm not talking cowering behind the sofa all day, but if you are convinced that you are being followed, make yourself safe in little ways to assuage it. If you feel threatened, call a friend on a mobile and chat till the fear lessens etc. It worked for me.

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Thanks Karuna, really helps to read that it's possible to get past this. Even though I rationally understand the possibility, it's hard to wrap my mind around when I'm so anxious.

I do feel marginally better this morning. I think I felt much worse yesterday because I did too much away from home the day before. Whilst out I was in constant fear of being followed and stress seemed to make things worse for around 36 hrs afterward. If I go out again, I won't go out for half a day..will just go for a couple of hrs. I'm still hearing things being thrown at the house, but more able to rationalise the noise's as house noises this morning. Also heard bird noises which I thought were a fake bird call whistle (used by neighbours) ~ the extent of the irrationality seems ridiculous when I read what I've just written.

I like your suggestions on managing or confronting the fear. I stayed home yesterday and didn't like being stuck inside for so long. I'm going to get some groceries this morning...just for an hour. I'll use self-talk today, just keep reminding myself it isn't real and I'm ok, it works for a while.

Thanks again,

Bw

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  • 4 weeks later...

It's been nearly a month now and doing ok..not nearly as paranoid (no, there are no bugs/cameras in the ceiling), but I'm still really struggling with going out. Supermarkets still freak me out...even going for a walk makes me anxious.

Is this normal and has anyone got any ideas on how long it takes to resolve? I've always been socially anxious, but this anxiety is like a wet blanket that is with me whenever I go out anywhere. Is this common for residual anxiety after psychosis to hang around like it is? I've never been here before (anxiety this extreme) and really wishing it would go. I am taking steps to de-sensitise myself (getting out of the house once a day at least). And hoping that time will do it's thing..has anyone else been here and how long did it take before you got back to some kind of normal?

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