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I just want to be normal!


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I know how you feel. I am sick of it too. I see people walking down the street or jogging or laughing with friends and think i willl never be them and why can't i be normal. Will I ever be functioning? It really suks, huh?

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I'm one of those who thinks he is normal when he's not. Heck, I'm not taking my Abilify now, because I really don't need it. I am sinking into depression slowly, but at least I'm not being a verbally abusive jerk, and that is the Lamictal working. When something works, I always want to stop taking it. Cause I'm normal (ha ha) you know.

Why are so many of us like this? What the heck is going on?

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After being out of work for months because of my depression, I've been back for almost 2 months. I still struggle with anxiety and depression. Everyday I have an inner battle of should I or shouldn't I go to work. I am so anti-social.

So I saw the pdoc this week. He said he didn't know what to do at this point. And since I'm better than I was for the past 6 months, I said 'I don't want to touch anything.'

I guess I just need to deal. I'm so afraid that I can't function like a normal person and show up to work everyday. I just want to continue to work. My life revolves around my medication and my pdoc and tdoc. It sucks sometimes.

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very recently, i've been feeling "normal". except for this annoying and slight depression that won't budge, i feel normal. this is what it must be like. i can laugh in a non-forced way, be angry or happy when it is called for, etc.

i really think that our docs need to do more for us and listen to us more. my pdoc is afraid to touch anything too! i finally got him to up the lamictal and we lowered teh WB back to its normal level. i don't know how to budge the depression but it is making me crazier than i would like to be!

but a little depression isn't keeping me from being *normal* i guess.

i am jealous of those people who don't have to feel like a walking medicine cabinet. i take mroe meds than my elderly grandparents! speaking of them, oh scheisse, i was supposed to cut their lawn today! damn...

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I definitely relate. I hate taking time from my job to go see my psychiatrist and therapist. I hate needing to see them--and I really need to. I hate lying about what the time off is for. The lying about my illness really gets me down, but it is not safe for me to disclose anything.

I hate the expense. I hate medication not working as it might.

I hate hope, half the time. The other half of the time, it's all I have. Well, that's not true. I have an unbelievably kick-ass girlfriend. Who, unfortunately, bears a big burden having me as a partner. I hate doing that to her.

I hate feeling like there's another version of me living my life the way it was supposed to lived, like it could be lived.

It's rough.

And can you believe I'm feeling better today?

Hope you all experience some peace and relief today.

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