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Okay all you middle-aged and older men and women:  have you become invisible?

Remember being in your 20s and 30s, and people paid attention to you?  If you were moderately (or very) attractive, people would look when you came into a room.  Eyes followed you when you walked down the street.

And now you're invisible.  I think I could walk down Main Street in a nightgown and not a single head would turn because the world doesn't see middle-aged and older people.

Anyone else notice this?

In some ways, I like it because now I don't give a hoot if my belly is pouchy and I haven't bothered to shave my legs:  what does it matter if I'm invisible?  On the other hand, it's harder to get clerks and service people to pay attention.

Or is it just me?  (Do we add paranoia to the depression diagnosis???)

olga

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I dunno. I think the way some older people act or carry themselves draws attention, even if it's not the same as the photogenic qualities of some younger people. For instance, last winter I was doing some work which put me in touch with a woman who is  probably 25 years older than me, but she was great fun to speak with and I think we spent some time that we should have been working just yakking. I was sorry I didn't have an excuse to see her again when the work was over. Maybe this sort of thing just means that I'm getting older myself, but I'm not entirely convinced that's all it was. I can think of some other examples.

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Olga, I totally agree. Not only the fact I am middle aged, and not coping well with it, I have gained so much weight from the meds this past year. I feel as if society is built around 20 somethings. I feel as if they are cool and I have missed the boat. And come to think of it, when I was in my 20's, it wasn't so cool. And Raven, everyone turns to look at my daughter also. I don't know how she turned out to be such a looker when you look at me and the father person (may he rest in peace).

It's funny because I have 1 friend who is my age and the others are in the 20's. I think they keep me around to laugh when I drink!

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Spot on, Olga!

I've noticed the same thing... from store clerks to people on the street. But, in a strange way, it's helped me assert myself. I will say. "Hey! I was next!" and don't give a damn who likes it ;)

On the plus side, I can get away with things younger folks would not even dream of doing and blame it on my age. :)  

spike

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I've noticed it, too.

But since I never was much of a head turner to begin with, it seems to me to have more to do with attractiveness than age. But age is certainly part of the equation. It makes me wonder if people who were attractive in their younger years are harder hit by the age=invisibility phenomenon.

Having been one of the invisible ones from early on I developed a sort of formidable eccentric persona that works pretty well when I need to be seen by clerks or an asswipe line cutter.

Other than that, I think I prefer invisibility. The only time in my life that I wasn't generally invisible was when I was pregnant, and I hated it. I felt conspicuously watched everywhere I went. It was creepy. Strangers talked to me, and some people even tried to touch my belly (!) and treat me as if I were some kind of public property. <shiver>

Greeny

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Guest Guest_lonnie_*

Hi Folks,  I spent the first 20 years of my life working hard to be invisable and the second 20 learning how to communicate and be understood when I wanted to.  I used to feel that no matter what I said or did, it was misinterprited in a negitive way.  It finnally occurd to me that this was not all the falt of other people.  So I started to study human behavior, took psych classes, outright asking folks why they said the stuff they did, ect... I know now that I do not catch social signals and often miss alot of what someone is saying.  I now can choose in a situation if I want to be noticed or not (for the most part).  Being older with ovious physical disabilities does cut me slack, but it is my openness or closedness  in social situations that has the greatest affect on how others treat me.  Yes I practiced smiling in the mirror.  This does not make me false as I have always liked people but my mannor [no facial expression, flat tone of voice, need of larger privit space around me, ect ] pushed people away.  So I have spent alot of energy in learning how to talk and to send signals consistant with what I felt and said.  I still get misunderstood but now I have ways to reach out to the other person and try again for clearity.  All this was emotional  painful for me but over time [30 years] it have become much easier.  I can now say I have freinds.  Thats my 2 cents.  Still working at being human, Lonnie

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Dear Everyone:

Thanks for all the input.  I was never a covergirl type, but I turned my share of heads once upon a time and now it doesn't matter if I'm well-groomed and well-dressed:  I'm an overweight middle-aged woman.....sigh....But my mother taught me to value my brains more than my looks, so at least I still have that.  Wait....where are my pills?  And my car keys? And the car.....

heh

As the Brits say, keep your pecker up.  (Hey Spike, I like that "spot on."  Haven't heard that in a long time.)

My major blessing is that I married a guy with lousy eyesight.  He thinks I'm gorgeous, so I'm not telling him that he needs to have his glasses updated.  And I DON'T want a younger man:  my old duffer makes ME look young....god knows I need that sometimes.

Does anybody feel that the doctors aren't as interested in us old bags?  Or do they give the bum's rush to young and old?  Talk amongst yourselves!

olga

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Guest PinkToo2grrl

I'll be 43 this year, and I think I am now officially middle aged because i just bought my first "comfort" bra.  Yes folks, till now it was all about pretty, but as we are all familiar with slowing metabolism, and med induced weight gain, it starts to become all about comfort. 

I hope I have become more invisible, because I have certainly become more "relaxed" in my appearance.  Used to be I needed a shower, blow dry, matching undies, and makeup just to run out to get a loaf of bread.  now that just seems so much more work than it's worth, and people don't seem to bat an eye.

I do know about 10 years ago, when I was anorexic and had a model's figure (5'11" and a size 5) men would interact with me out in public for no apparent reason.  That doesn't happen anymore.  But, it's ok.

Reminds me of that poem "when i am an old lady i shall wear purple ..." or something like that.  You get to a point where you realize its what's on the inside that does truly matter, and you start to do whatever you want to and *&^^%(*&%  anyone who doesn't like it!

I do still hate getting called Ma'am though.

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Well, I'm only 28, BUT i was a VERY ugly duckling, and I have found how you carry your self does

have a lot to do with it.

I get MUCH better service if i ACT like I belong there.

Don't forget, one can always vote with thier dollar (not leaving tips, ect)

and they MADE the phase "please get me your manager" for people like us.

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Cold:  I agree that how you dress and carry yourself makes a huge difference in how you get treated.  When my parents were alive, I always wore a dress or skirt and blazer when I took them to the doctor.  It's stupid, but they got better attention because I looked like "somebody" instead of the real me (jeans and a tee shirt!).

Sunshine-you're right about the smile!  I also find that (since my weight gain went to my boobs and stomach) wearing a low-cut top helps.  Flash a little cleavage and it's amazing how men react.  heh Not that I WANT that kind of attention, mind you....I find it interesting when they are talking to you but their eyes are down on your boobs.

Yeah, who wants to be "Ma'am".  But I guess it's better than "Hey, You!"

I hate the checkers in the supermarket who are starting to ask me if I want my Senior Citizen Discount!  What's up with That???

And could somebody tell AARP to STOP mailing me their crap!!  I don't want to join!!!!!

olga (not "old olga", just "middle-aged olga")

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Dress definitely seems to make a difference.  Two years ago, I went to a conference in DC and wore a suit on the way.  I was treated wonderfully.  On the way back, same airline, same route reversed, I wore blue jeans and a bright red Highland Games t-shirt and was pulled out of line on ALL 3 legs of the trip for RANDOM? security checks.  Also, two security guys actually pawed through my hair to make sure (I guess) that I didn't have a huge claymore sword hidden in there. But at least they didn't say anything about my hair being grey.

Tommy

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Her Tommy:

I know the young people will think I'm nuts, but I dress up to go to the Emergency Room.

Over the years, I've been there several times:  a husband with back spasms, two elderly parents with various ailments and I'm a great one for accidently chopping off part of a finger or whatever.  We learned early on that the better-dressed we were, the quicker we got treatment.  My husband actually showered once when his back was "out" and he was almost crying with the pain.  But he put on a nice shirt and trousers and a jacket....and they took him right in and we were out of there within an hour with our painkillers and muscle-relaxers.

It isn't right, and it isn't fair, but there it is.

I had to have major surgery a few years ago, so my husband wore a suit and tie for the wait while I was in surgery.  He had nurses coming out every 20 minutes with updates and they brought him into Recovery as soon as I was out of Surgery.  I got fabulous care for the whole stay in the hospital.....and he wore a jacket and tie when he came to see me.  (Keep in mind that he doesn't have a 'professional' job---he just dressed that way for that week!)  I guess the nurses thought he was somebody important.  HAHAHAHAHAHA! Well.  He IS important to me!

I love your hair--those security folks were just jealous of it.  Maybe they were bald?

olga

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One of my 25 year old co-workers was always saying how he couldn't wait to turn 90,

just so he could stare at girl's butts and hit people with his cane,lol

Once I started meds and started having more self esteem, I got a little snotty, but I think it's a good thing.

If my food is cold, I now have the confendce/balls to send it back. If a salesperson asks if I need helf finding something,

instead of the old me shaking my head, I now at least try to descibe what I'm looking for, and 90% of the time

the salesperson seems glad to help!

And this is just...bad..but yeah, sometimes i act like I'm 14 on purpose.

"Do you have..uumm...those things that you put in a car that makes those little explosions?"

When I act like I the best thing after Paris Hilton (who has enough money to get her nose fixed), like I'm entitled to being helped

people seem to really respond to it.

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ok, Tom! ya just made my day...you have a lovely warped sense of humor :)

hmm...you did mean some of your post to be that way, right? or am I one weird puppy for laughing at some of your comments??

no offense?

At my age (58) I find I can get away with so much more--better than a second childhood. (first one stunk anyway)

I wear purple and red and drink cream and finally learned to spit--after many attempts and the damn spit dribbling down my chin.

And I can make fun of the effects of gravity on the aging body and folks laugh

"That thump you heard was me taking my bra off and not a minor earthquake..."

"No, doc, that is not a passion mark. It's mat burn on my nipples from them dragging on the floor when I don't wear a bra." This one is true! Said it to my gyn at my last exam and he noticed a minor abrasion on the left one.

Didn't know a man in a white coat could giggle--usually it's the other way around.

My bald spot is only visible to my hubby and my gyn

God gave me 47 hairs for my head--32 of which are on my chin.

Seriously, I do the dress up thing when going anywhere--yes, even to the ER. Gotta change those panties just in case the doc notices down under as he sutures your finger...

Invisible? Oh try taking the 81yo mother to lunch and see what service you *don't* get until you ask for the manager...then your tea gets refilled after Every Sip and you are asked forty times in twelve minutes if everything is all right.

I ask for my senior citizen discount--even if I go inpatient for my MI. ;)

and it worked last time...got 12% off

Spike

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Well, you may very well be a sick puppy, I don't know about that. But I do have a sense of humor (mosr days) and it's even weirder than you think.

And then, there's so much about aging that is just plain funny.

Thanks for appreciating the weirdo

tom

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Spike:

Joan Rivers line:

"My body is dropping so damn fast that my gynecologist wears a hard-hat!"  heh

George Burns:

"I'm so old I don't buy green bananas any more!"

Badda Bing!

My father used to say that he couldn't wait to turn 75 because then he could act as eccentric as he wanted and people would just write it off to him being an old man.

I'm glad I'm not the only over-50 in this place.....

olga

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I'm going to be 45 in the last week of August (the rest of the year I plan on being 19 ;) ) and I go between being ok with getting older to freaking out. I absolutely despise being called "Ma'am".  I unfortunately don't know if people ignore me or not. I have wretched eyesight and can't see clearly across an average sized room. I know that North America (can't say for the rest of the world) is incredibly youth biased and once you've hit the big 30, if you're a woman the best you can hope? for or expect is to be thought of as MILF (LOVELY term) men seem to have a longer shelf life. And for being the most overweight nation in the world, we sure do have a bias towards skinny. I have medical problems with my stomach or i'd likely weigh more with the meds I'm on. I'm 5'5", weigh about 135 and think I'm HUGE, but I always hate myself anyway. I think the thing that I hate the most about being middle aged are other peoples assumptions about me. And when people try to age target you in a store, and sell you something that people your age are supposed to want. I don't really notice being invisible any more than normal, but I hate being pigeon holed based on my age

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I'm going to be 49 in a week and a half. I use two kinds of camouflage. Relatively young kids (one advantage to marrying late, LOL), and I work out like mad in a futile attempt to hold back the hands of time.

So as I slog through middle age my oldest son is careening into his teenage years. I don't know how I'll survive, but my tactic so far is to pretty much be myself: a little bohemian, and fairly hip, but not enough to be pitiful (a delicate balance).

And I try to keep occupied. I figure that when I run out of energy for bike riding, I better have some interesting skills (cooking, painting, maybe writing) to keep me from seeming old. Or getting bored.

And for me the cliche is true. Youth is wasted on the young. It certainly was in my case. I'm much more together now (but obviously not completely, or I wouldn't be on crazyboards).

Cheers, and glad for the new forum,

Elaine

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you know, I'm REALLY glad I had my "mid-life" crisis when I was 25.

I think that most people with MI at times feel far older then thier real age

for at least long enough to feel "dragged-out".

What I like about me is I'm old enough to make ok money, and still have the

immutrue (sp) mind.

I cannot count the number of people who have come into my home and

said "wow, play dough! I miss play dough! Oh,shit, you have lego's too?"

And I say well, if you like them, why don't you have any?

They try to come up with a good excuse, but there is NO excuse for not

having lego's in your home.

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I would like to formally apologize for all my fellow Texans; we are trained from an early age, using extremely effective psychological methods (yes, cattle prods play a part) to call all women over 15, "Ma'am."  Of course,  we are in a place where even grown-ups have names like Billy, and Joey, and Timmy, and (Oh, yeah) Tommy.

Tommy

"We don't mean nothin' by it."

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giggle

Tommy, you're forgiven!

I know they're trying to be respectful, and I'm used to it now that I've been getting it for 15 years, but it was a shocker the first time.  (Keep in mind that I'm in the Northeast, so service people don't use it until you LOOK like a "ma'am.")  Before a certain age it's "YO, babe--yer car is ready!" heh

What's really fun is taking one of my elderly friends shopping so I get to use their sticker for handicapped parking!!!  just kidding....

olga

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Cold, you are so correct about the legos. I have my safety kit that contains things that help me cope when the shit hits the fan. I have my doll, coloring book and 64 box of Crayola crayons! Also anything that helps like CDs, bubbles, this wormy stretchy thing, etc. I would like some tinker toys. Legos sound good too. I also went and bought a small amount of velvet material. You'd be surprised how calming it can be.

The nice thing about my kit is that I can keep on adding anything I want.

I challenge you guys to come up with one of your own and share what you put in. I have mine in a basket that kind of looks like a picnic basket but there is no food in it. Aha! Chocolate needs to be in there!

And I got mam'ed the other day.

My husband is going on his annual golf trip this weekend. As we do not have air conditioning, I rented a motel room with a pool. Indoor of

course, this is Michigan. And I may dress up and go out to dinner or something!

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Cold, you are so correct about the legos. I have my safety kit that contains things that help me cope when the shit hits the fan. I have my doll, coloring book and 64 box of Crayola crayons! Also anything that helps like CDs, bubbles, this wormy stretchy thing, etc. I would like some tinker toys. Legos sound good too. I also went and bought a small amount of velvet material. You'd be surprised how calming it can be.

And I may dress up and go out to dinner or something!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have fun!

hehe, I was too much of an outcast to ever go to the prom, so decieded (along with the Lego's)

to buy beautiful ballgowns and wear them when ever I got the chance.

There are MANY comfused Taco Bell and mall workers in the usa because of me.

Not to metions Walmart employess,lol

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Okay, you guys have legos and crayons and ball-gowns......I have children's books.  I have a collection of Louisa May Alcott and Gene Stratton Porter and other old-fashioned books for kids.  When you get stressed, you play with your toys....when I get stresssed, I read about Jo and Amy and Beth....

Oh, and sometimes I watch "Princess Bride" or "Babe," two movies I bought to have when the grandchildren visit....heh heh heh

What does everybody else do to return to those days of youth?  (Pronounced "yoot")

olga

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Hey Panz, your BMI is something like 22.5, which is, get this, NORMAL! Mine's 28 but I don't worry too much about it, I just try to exercise a lot. I suppose that's allowed since I'm allowed since I'm male? But what I'm really after is that ability to jump up 3 stairs at a time instead of two, and all the other good feelings and abilities that go with it. Will have to ride bike more.

I had a wonderful date yesterday with a woman who's 46 or 47 yesterday. Will admit that sometimes, when she was looking the other way, I was "looking" at her.

However, upon seeing the picture of Olga she's using for her avatar today, I'm tempted to invite her out rowing in my homemade boat so I can look at her other side.

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ldo:

*blush*  30 years too late, ldo!  That picture is from 1975.....and was taken by my ex-husband who wasn't as interested in the view as you are! 

But thanks for the compliment.  It was lovely, those years of having a waistline....

olga

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As far as fashion and whatnot, I highly reccommed Geneen Roth.

She's funny, and the way she writes makes me think of how much more

of the world there is, beyond my problems.

Check out "when you eat at the frige(sp), pull up a chair". And see her views on fashion,lol

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Olga, I was going to comment very enviously on that waistline, too....:-)

You are lucky you still like sex. I had an operation a year ago that tightened up my vagina a whole lot (from old childbirth injuries), but I still don't want sex, ever since I couldn't take hormones any more. (I recently tried to go back on them, but it was a disaster; my body couldn't take them anymore).

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Dear Mellow:

There are three reasons why (I think) I still want sex:

1)  I'm married to a guy who looks past the wrinkles and added weight and tells me that I'm the best-looking woman in the room.  (Yeah, I know he has lousy eyesight--I still like to hear this!)

2)  I read erotic stuff.  There are lots of books out there that would start the engine of a 90-year-old virgin nun.  I keep my favorites around for long weekends when my sweet baboo is home.

3)  Eat soy products or drink soy milk.  I refuse to take any hormones, but soy milk eliminated my hot flashes and I have no problems with.....er....dryness or insomnia or any of the other stuff you get with menopause.  (I'm in my mid-50s, had a hysterectomy at 48 but still have my ovaries.)  There's an enzyme in soy that mimics the effects of estrogen.

Guys, sorry for the girly-talk!

Hey, anybody buy a Harley yet?  That's the popular mid-life purchase these days!

olga

PS waistlines were fun.  In my 30s and 40s, my measurements were 41-28-38. Sigh...I was a size 10 for 28 years.....Oh well, I'll get back there.

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Olga,

The soy would be fine but it messes with your thyroid big time if you have thyroid problems, which I do. Also the lithium is messing with my thyroid and my pdoc doesn't even believe in it.

You have a wonderful husband. My husband NEVER comments me. You are very lucky. Also, yes, he has a Harley because he has been in mid-life crisis for the last 20 years. I won't ride on it anymore because it scares me. I rode on it for a year then stopped. I want him to trade it for a classic car because we have Hot August Nights coming up here every year.

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Mellow:

Yeah, I've read about that thyroid stuff and told my doctor.  After I had been drinking soy for a month, he checked with a blood test, and my thyroid is fine.

Now, I have glaucoma and retinal problems and bunions and high blood pressure.....but I forget all that when we do the dirty.

Yes, partners who don't compliment each other and/or belittle each other.....well, it just makes you feel like you've lost that lovin' feeling....It's most definitely a two-way street.  My only problem with my husband is worrying that he'll die before me.  I just do not want to go on without him.  But that's another topic!

olga

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Olga, I like your style! :)

My husband and I say we have grown up together, faced some really bad times together (and they were not just mine!), and now we get a chance to do new and different things now that the kiddies are grown and gone--or rather do some of the fun things we used to do.

He's been supportive of me during my MI, but I've done the same with his ACOA issues. We like to think we balance things out...it's never 50/50...and I'm glad for it.

I also have thyroid problems and was told to stay away from soy products. I did...my daughter on the other hand found out the hard way. She reminds me of myself at that age ;) Going to find out for herself what works/is true...oh, I still do that  *smirk*

Spike

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I like Olga's style, too, Spike. Wish I had her sex drive.  ;)

Did you guys read in the Sunday paper about how a lot of young women are dying from a birth control hormone patch? Very scary. I have to warn my 19-yr old. I was not surprised that one of the women who died suffered terrible headaches right before she got a blood clot. I had excruciating headaches when they tried to get me back on the patch. Very scary stuff when the hormones are killing people!!

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Thanks, Rocky Girl for reporting on what you take.  I knew about the estrogen cream but I was hoping someone would talk about how it feels on it.

I also read somewhere that if you DON'T have sex regularly, it contributes to the thinning of the walls of the vagina and you stop producing lubrication.  When you have sex, the blood rushes to the right places and I guess it gets the old hormones singing or something.  I'm definitely post-menopausal, so I figure I better "use it or lose it."  heh

Mellow, I read about the patch, too.  Back then I tried everything from the Pill (puffed me up) to the IUD (the Dalkon shield,which was banned as dangerous), the diaphragm and cream (effective but messy), condoms (also effective but somewhat icky) and the Final Solution (hysterectomy).  I am NOT sorry that my 30 years of contraception are over....it was a royal pain in the butt.

If men could get pregnant, contraception would be free and handed out on every corner.  And they'd find a damn safe way to do it, too.

Rant!

Love,

olga

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I recently lost 20 lbs, still have about 20 to go but I'm taking my time.

Here's the 411 on what's been going on.

Can 60ish women wear frayed cutoffs? Oh well, on my budget I have to cut off those old jeans regardless. Hey wait... those guys are checking me out! How cool is that?

Damn, shouldn't have worn these slides, I'm going to trip and break my neck if I'm not careful! Mustn't limp, it destroys my image.

Hot flash! No, wait, it's a power surge. Gotta remember that.

Tee shirt, let's see, try this one... Oops, wrinkly cleavage is Really Ugly!

Go with your strengths, I'd say. And if the legs are still good, shave 'em and show 'em.

Catlady

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I recently lost 20 lbs, still have about 20 to go but I'm taking my time.

Here's the 411 on what's been going on.

Can 60ish women wear frayed cutoffs? Oh well, on my budget I have to cut off those old jeans regardless. Hey wait... those guys are checking me out! How cool is that?

Damn, shouldn't have worn these slides, I'm going to trip and break my neck if I'm not careful! Mustn't limp, it destroys my image.

Hot flash! No, wait, it's a power surge. Gotta remember that.

Tee shirt, let's see, try this one... Oops, wrinkly cleavage is Really Ugly!

Go with your strengths, I'd say. And if the legs are still good, shave 'em and show 'em.

Catlady

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Heck, yeah, wear those shorts,lol

I'm not a girly-girl for fashion (now lip gloss, i have over 400 colors  ;)   )

but I have heard the desingers are making much younger looking clothes.

they said,  hey! women anit sitting on the couch anymore, (well, I am  :)   )thier taking better care of themselves,

even having babies older.

As one put it, 50 is the new 30.

Besides, with all your years of experance of living life, you desevre to wear

whatever you damn well please.

If the kids look at you funny, hit 'em with your cane!

Or at least with a BB gun!

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Speaking of people thinking your old, I stopped into GNC

to try out some SAM-e.

The lady showed me where it was, then starts going on and

on about joint problems.

I just nodded th whole time, then asked if I looked that old.

Then I told her the SAM-e was for my brain, just to make her feel better ;)

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Just got done reading this thread. Thanks for making me chuckle.

As far as the old adage that it's ok for older men to be with younger women, but not the other way around, I'm married to a man who is 14 years younger. He is like Olga's dh; thinks I'm the most beautiful woman, and I think he needs his eyes checked. He says at the rate he is aging, just give him a few years and everyone will think I'm his trophy wife.

I've always been lucky as far as looking about 10 years younger than I am. Good genes; all my family is that way. But lately I feel like the years are really catching up with me. And yes, Americans worship youth. Makes me want to move!

People really do "label" ages. When I was 30, I looked like I was 20 or younger. I got treated like a kid instead of a somewhat experienced adult. That used to piss me off. Even now, it seems people think I'm in my 30's. If I tell them how old I am, they change their demeanor towards me. It's so ridiculous. You can't categorize people by age or anything else.

I love the comments about playing with toys. I have a young daughter and she helps keep me young. I know all about Kimpossible, Teen Titans, etc. How about adding watching the Cartoon Channel?

Again, thanks for making me smile.

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If it makes anyone feel better (or even if it doesn't), I've just been caught up in a whirlwind romance with a woman who just turned 47. (I'm 46.) Very exciting, yet not loaded with anxiety as past romantic events were. Neither one of us seems to want to act as people our age are supposed to act. I've spent 6 hours driving back and forth in the past week, and maybe 10 hours on the phone, plus dozens of hours in person, but I consider it time well spent. (Just wish we lived closer together.) Also, she is probably the sexiest woman I have ever dated.

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Greeny

I wish I did!

It's a Prince song from the '80s called "Let's get Crazy," I think from the movie and album "Purple Rain. It seems like it was just a few years ago I saw that movie. Try 20 years!

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If it makes anyone feel better (or even if it doesn't), I've just been caught up in a whirlwind romance with a woman who just turned 47. (I'm 46.) Very exciting, yet not loaded with anxiety as past romantic events were. Neither one of us seems to want to act as people our age are supposed to act. I've spent 6 hours driving back and forth in the past week, and maybe 10 hours on the phone, plus dozens of hours in person, but I consider it time well spent. (Just wish we lived closer together.) Also, she is probably the sexiest woman I have ever dated.
Hot damn, ldo!  Good for you!  And, yes, it does make me feel better!  Oh, btw, does she look 47?
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Ruby:

Welcome!  I want a boy toy!! heh  I threaten my husband with that when he gets grumpy, but he knows I'm not serious. Did you ever see the movie "White Palace" with Susan Sarandon as the older woman in love with James Spader, who's a lot younger.  Good movie, and sexy.

ldo, you lucky dog!  I remember those heady first weeks.  I lured my sweetie into my apartment on Saturday and didn't let him out until Monday morning when he had to go to work.  sigh...

Well, I hope the magic continues for you and that you'll be able to work out the distance thing.  I'm such a sappy romantic!  Is she okay with your MI issues?  Keep us posted--

olga

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camo pants.

this year I finally got disgusted with being ignored, I'm 30. I think the permanent scowl on my face has something to do with it. (stress.)

anyway I saw a pair of camo pants at the mall, at one of the teen clothing stores and thought, what the hell? 

First day I wore them I had doors opened, astonished double takes, (from *gasp* men) and clerks telling me stories about their time in the service! I can't believe anyone would mistake them for government issue pants, they're tie-up pedal pushers!

Guess they're my red hat.

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soulshards:

On the crazytalk board, I remember a thread about facial expression--I think Cerberus started it.  He was talking about how strangers come right up to him and tell him to smile, or ask why he looks so sad.  (He was saying that his face is just......that way, and why is it your business, anyway?) 

So maybe you were unconsciously smiling at your camo pants and that's why you got all that positive attention.  But you are right about one thing---why would people think they're government issue---are the Marines going to Iraq in capri pants??? he he

ldo, we wanna hear more about your romance......

olga

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  • 3 weeks later...

snip

ldo, we wanna hear more about your romance......

olga

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hmm, I seem to have missed this thread for a while. Yes, when she returned from her trip, new gf and I started up again right where we left off. Things are still very good. Yes, if I think about it pretty hard, I can see that she looks her age. We both have MI issues. Also, med side effect issues that can make certain activities take a loooooong time. Not completely a bad thing.....

I had to buy a headset for my cellphone because my elbow was getting sore from those free conversations starting after 9 and going way too late.

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ldo:

Oh, those intense conversations when you're getting to know each other.....sigh....it's good, in a way, that she has MI issues--don't you think?  So that she understands what you're going through?

As for that side effect......well, I've always thought that the journey is the important part, not just the destination. 

I hope things continue to develop in a positive way with this lady--

olga

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Olga,

She's told me that her pdoc told her exactly the same thing a couple of days ago. Just had a nice date.

ldo:

the journey is the important part, not just the destination. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

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ldo:

Just celebrated a "more than 25" anniversary this week, so I'm feeling sentimental.  We're past the place where we need elaborate presents, but we still get each other goofy cards. 

Love is wonderful.

I hope the thing that's going on continues.

I have to go to Amazon and buy him a new CD.  He loves music, and I heard some great Mexican musicians on the radio last week.

olga

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  • 4 weeks later...

Just found this thread so since I couldn't read all of it right of, I thought I'd post this one bit of info my gdoc told me.  After coming in with frequent yeast infections she asked if we had oral sex. I said yeah (with a smile) and she said for my HB to use mouthwash every time before sex.

IT WORKS! and he smells and tastes yummy too. ;)

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C@scratch:

I used to get yeast infections all the time too, back in the days when I needed birth control.  I was using a diaphragm at the time because i couldn't take the pill or use other things.

So the doc asked me how I washed the diaphragm and I said with warm soapy water.  He pointed out that if I washed it when I put it away, then it sat in the box for a day or two or three and collected yeast spores.  I needed to wash it just before I put it IN......to avoid infections.

Duh!

loved your story---hee hee

olga

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  • 2 months later...

And now you're invisible.  I think I could walk down Main Street in a nightgown and not a single head would turn because the world doesn't see middle-aged and older people.

Anyone else notice this?

Yes, absolutely!  I feel completely invisible in crowds, now that I'm 50.  No one even sees me.  I used to get ogled and flirted with a lot when I was younger. 

A 50 yr old man, on the other hand, probably has younger women hanging all over him.  Sexism sucks.

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  • 1 year later...

i'm 28, and recently broke off a 4 1/2 year relationship with a 49-yr-old man.

my mom always asked me what a man his age would want to do with a woman my age. i thought it was about our personalities and my stunning wit or something.

his therapist (before he stopped going) even asked him why he didn't date women his own age.

i used to ask him that too. he told me that he loved youthful figures (and i guess i qualified).

now, in retrospect, all he wanted was arm candy and sex. since i dumped him, he's probably got another new, young girlfriend. that's probably all he ever wanted from me. i spent all that time thinking i was valuable to him.

i look like i'm about 23 ;)

when i turn 40 and 50, i want to be out there and make a statement, so people notice me, even if i have wrinkles and saggy boobs. i wouldn't say that people especially notice me now. maybe it is something that you get used to and once it isn't there, then you notice it. but it isn't something i notice now. necessarily.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm almost 39 and according to my doc as of yesterday perimenopausal. I can't even think of spending the next 10 to 15 years with my hair being weird, having acne that I never had before, my period is all messed up, my moods are flying off the charts, and I changed my shirts three times yesterday because I sweated through them while hubby was freezing his behind off. I still turn heads but I'm so distracted with all of this that I could care less. My Dad is 75, still has two girlfriends(down from five in his fifties thank God I thought he was gonna have a heart attack from all of that...attention), and is still a looker. I still have to put up with my girlfriends saying "Your Dad is gorgeous". Jeez. So maybe you are all still turning heads but the change may have you distracted from seeing whoever is looking.

lilie

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