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wtf I'm so ANGRY


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I'm so fucking pissed i just want to smash some shit, hear the glass break, destroy!! Take the claw end of a hammer and sink it deep into someones head. I'm at home, not out in public, not looking for a fight. I am BPII and I am accustomed to deep depression and then some nice, happy hypomania. Usually pretty even-tempered. Right now I am shaking with rage and I don't know WHY. Goddamn I am furious fuck fuck fuck!!!!!! I do not know what to do right now. I called a "normal" friend and freaked her out pretty good. Thing is I don't fucking care right now. Even my dogs are hanging back... AARRRGGGG!!!!! I have felt like this since 8:30 this morn, I can't stand it, what do I do??  ;)   :)   :P

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Another strategy: I disconnect, or get giddy for no particular reason. kind of like becoming a different person except you don't lose time. i don't know how healthy it is, but hey, an irrational tactic to fight an irrational emotion. lately i've been very angry too. when i think of it, i spiral downward. so i shift into an alternate universe in which i've been happily floating much of the day.

7

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Thanks for the quick reply, Raven. After I posted I took my trusty hammer and a clock outside and smashed it to bits. Now I have glass to clean up in the morning (doggy feet). I am still really ANGRY GRRRRRRRRRRR. And I feel stupid,and angry with myself. I will try punishing my bed.

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Thanks to everyone who replied. Not being alone always helps, even if its just a little. Raven, I do feel better today. Monster headache, but not angry. I take lamictal, up to 100mg on my way to 200mg. Looking over the lamictal info today I noticed that it can mess with girly hormones. Maybe thats it? Because I wasn't angry with any particular person/thing/situation, just angry. I'm 30 and I smoke so I'm a little leary of bcp, but maybe that would help? I see pdoc on the 18th, will definately ask her. Anyone have expierience with this? Thanks.

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Thanks to everyone who replied. Not being alone always helps, even if its just a little. Raven, I do feel better today. Monster headache, but not angry. I take lamictal, up to 100mg on my way to 200mg. Looking over the lamictal info today I noticed that it can mess with girly hormones. Maybe thats it? Because I wasn't angry with any particular person/thing/situation, just angry. I'm 30 and I smoke so I'm a little leary of bcp, but maybe that would help? I see pdoc on the 18th, will definately ask her. Anyone have expierience with this? Thanks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Experience with smoking or with rage?  :ninja: Yes to rage, no to smoking (asthma).

Glad you're feeling better today.

I go through periods of almost getting arrested rage when I'm manic. During that time I try to limit the amount of time I spend out of the house, because I'm either going to A)Ram the shit out of someone's car that has me blocked in; B ) Scream at my manager that I'm better than him because I have a degree from X university and I won't be working in a grocery store for the rest of my life, but he will; C) Curse out a postal employee--she deserved it, but doing bad shit in public federal buildings is generally not good; or if I'm home D) throw a stale baguette or a can of pineapple at my husband (hit with the baguette, missed with the can of , thank god that thing would have hurt him).

So yeah, familiar with rage. I find it helps to break pencils in half (or at least try to do that), scream into pillows, and throw unbreakable things (like pillows or stuffed animals) at the wall as hard as I can.

;):)  

When I get really bad I've scratched myself 'till I've bled and I've also repeatedly beat my head against the wall. Hard

 

I can see all of this in my dad, too, who I am convinced is some flavor of undiagnosed BP. My husband says my eyes get all freaky---my dad's eyes do the same thing. He would take his rage out on us, but was a little less rage-y with us once he took up golf and could beat the shit out of a golf ball.

So I dunno, try taking up golf  :P

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Hi NSJS. Hit DH with a stale baguette? Ouch!! We used to play baseball with those at work. They can be rock hard! :)

I like the breaking pencils idea, no destruction of property I like when not angry (sorry clock, it wasn't your fault). Plus I like the smell of pencils.

I know what you mean about crazy eyes. I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself. I looked evil!! I didn't like it. Bf noticed it too.

Golf? Golf balls are too small. Where's my hammer... ;)           SP

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After I posted I took my trusty hammer and a clock outside and smashed it to bits

Wish I had some brilliant suggestions -- just wanted to say that I was about to suggest my therapeutic rage response - smashing mugs on the (tiled) kitchen floor (makes a hell of a mess, but soooo satisfying) - when I read that that's what you'd done.  I'm going to add it to my options of what to do next.

Hormonal birth control -- I'd be careful -- your situation may be different, but I've been specifically told by 3 diff doctors that I can't go on the pill/patch/injection/hormonal IUD ever.  Not only because the anticonvulsants (specifically trileptal, as far as I know) decrease the effectiveness of these birth control methods by 50% or more, but because there's a risk that they may trigger a major depressive episode in a BP patient.  But do go ahead and ask your pdoc, obviously -- just raise that kind of question.

Lamictal as the cause?  Eugh, I really don't know... have just started the stuff myself (also on 1500mg trileptal, valium and ambien) and it's doing some nasty things to my moods.  Excessive suicidal thoughts, crying, the works.  I feel lost at the moment.

Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about YOU.  Wishing you well... sorry again that I can't be more helpful, just wanted to add a comment or two.

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