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Why do you continue to live?


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Is there any other reason besides forming meaningful relationships with other people for living life?

Is it better to have lived a life in pain than ever to have lived at all?

Your thoughts are welcome...

One thing I tell myself time and again when I am stable is this-

Murdering myself is morally wrong.

You have to drill it deep into your brain by truly believing it. Then when the day comes when you have ideation you can lean on this thought. You may not feel it is morally wrong at the time but deep in your mind you'll know it.

And that may be the only thing that saves you.

I know it's very easy to lose perspective during ideation and nothing makes sense at the time but it is only a temporary state.

Jook

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I've just got too much shit I want to do before I die. Really. There's a whole list I've made, some of it's pretty stupid and some of its fantasticaly grandiouse (sp?) but I'll be damned if I went through the trouble of making it and the humiliation of doing some of the stuff on it not to see it through the rest of it.

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I give to a number of charities the little that I can afford, I have volunteered, I am an activist, and a member of amnesty international, so other people benefit from my existence. I do feel like I matter.

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for me, it's because i have no choice. i was put in this planet and i do not have the right to go away. people are attached to me, and since i dont want to lose them, i assume they dont want to lose me either.

sorry for my negative perspective. it's been an awful week.

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Well, I have suicidal thoughts and I've thought of a plan, but I haven't got to the point where I would act on it. It's like an escape if things get, too bad, but they haven't gotten that bad and the pain isn't that bad.

I do think that suicide is a violent act and I'm not violent, so that's one thing that holds me back.

That's aside from what it would do to the people I left behind, especially my children.

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I do also think that life always has elements of pain in it, and that a life of constant pain is rare, if not non existent. Therefore I think that my pain is on a changeable scale, and therefore bearable. If I thought my life was constant non stop pain with no respite, I'd lose hope quickly. I know that it is not.

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Is it better to have lived a life in pain than ever to have lived at all?

Today I feel like an accident that was supposed to die but somehow lived. I feel your pain C, but I also feel there has to be a reason for all this. I like the meaningful relationships idea though.

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Is there any other reason besides forming meaningful relationships with other people for living life?

Is it better to have lived a life in pain than ever to have lived at all?

Your thoughts are welcome...

Music, art, and literature are some of my reasons for living.

Creativity is another one of my big reasons for living, especially writing.

Even when I'm feeling perilously close to not wanting to live anymore, what keeps me here is that I'm opposed to murder (as sun_zoom_spark said), I don't want to hurt those who care about me, and I'm just plain afraid.

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oddly enough i can find reason not to off myself but have no real concept of a reason to live. what passes for the latter now is the improvement in quality of life. when i came here a few mos. back i was farther into the abyss than i can ever remember being. members responded that they had a life because of pmeds. that kept me going while then, as now, i rodeo along with titrating this and chucking this.

the scuffle is begining to balance in my favor and that should lead to a reason to live. just sitting and reading without the SI taking up 50 mins of the hour is a grand f*&^ing thing for me now. i even went and took the first steps in chasing after a job in my trade today. pension income is adequate but i need to get back in harness. not enought stimulus with out doing what i am trained to do. work, in and of it's self, makes for a dull boy dull ain't the same as dead huh?

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hi,

i dont think morals have anything to do with it....but thats just me.

i am so pissed off and angry right now at my ex-h....thats for my blog.

so the ONLY reason i am alive at this moment is because of my baby. she needs me. ive had my world rocked by losing my dad this month. i cant allow another person, my baby, to go through the same loss at this time.

db

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I feel pretty close to that myself a lot of the time.

Actually, the big thing that holds me back when I really really don't care any more is my T. It would make her feel very very bad if I killed myself. She takes almost everything in stride -- cutting, if I get angry at her, etc. But if I am talking about suicide in a serious way, she just gets this look in her eyes. I couldn't do that to her.

And I know my kids need me and that's a reason. But my therapist is different. My kids -- I care about taking care of them. But my therapist, she takes care of me. I can't completely define the difference.

I feel incoherent right now.

Sorry.

-Matty

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Damn, just being at this site makes me want to cry. That's a good thing because crying is a near impossibility for me regardless of the situation. Okay, better now.

What a question. I never looked at it from that point of view before. My suicidal thoughts began when I was about 8. I'm 62 now. ;) And I tried to do myself in 4 years ago, come Thanksgiving. :)

Without gloing into details all I know is that I believe I'm supposed to be on this planet. The actions I took should have guaranteed my demise. Absolutely. Yet here I am. I could say my children (who are grown and have lives of their own elsewhere) need me, in that I'm their mom and one likes to have their parents around if they're anything close to be tolerable. I could say that it would be morally wrong for me to leave the planet but I'm not into that way of thinking, so I won't.

Am I here to live and just not die? Damned if I know. For the moment though I am here for me. Because there's just been too much shit and I deserve for there not to be and to find some peace and control and some contentment in my life. Thats just a partial statement and should I ever have more of a reason to be here, I'll let you know.

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my reason is that my dad committed suicide, and i could never cause anyone the pain i've felt as a result of his choice and death. it put me in the hospital 3 times and i'm not going back to the hospital or the morgue, i'm sticking this out (but would go to the hospital if necessary).

you guys are all really thoughful and are giving me more ideas on how to cope wtih life.

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My maternal grandfather was a suicide (in 1985, before I got a chance to meet him).

I didn't learn about this until 2004, when my dad casually mentioned it (assuming that I'd known all along!). My mother was lying to me for years that he died of a stroke.

Personality-wise, my mom has always said that he was quite the jerk, even to her (the favorite child out of the four!)... and he was a total arsehole to the other three kids as well as Grandma. Grandma herself also made a few mentions to me of him being "hard to deal with", and one of my uncles doesn't even want to talk about the fellow.

Though, apparently he had his own positives, too... despite being an English teacher by trade, he had great interests in science and engineering (when I visited Grandma 10 years ago, I read a lot of his science notes, and realized how much like me he was).

Grandpa's mother was also considered to be a suicide (she died before 40), but we're not sure, given that suicides are sort of hush-hush in any cultural community.

So anyways, as a fellow jerk, I don't plan to follow his path... Grandma, Mom, and Mom's siblings do not deserve to have another self-inflicted death in the family. Especially since they all apparently think a lot higher of me than they did of Grandpa.

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Basically, there have been times I felt that suicide was a real feasible option. BUT, I do believe in God, and I do believe that suicide is wrong, so I have been strong enough (so far) to resist these urges. It hasn't been easy though.

My aunt (who I was very close to) committed suicide a few years ago, and I look at the pain it caused my grandparents, and honestly, I couldn't put my grandmother through losing another person. So she (and my boyfriend, and my cat, believe it or not), are big reasons why I'm still here too.

I feel I'm a good person underneath it all and sometimes I wonder why I have been put through what I've been put through in my life. But I have to just play the cards I was dealt and move forward, I guess.

Very thought provoking topic.

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I don't have a convincing reason to stick around truthfully...in the past, I did think about suicide often as a viable means of escape, and I even planned to drown myself. I have no real desire to kill myself now, but if, let's say I was diagnosed with terminal cancer tomorrow, I don't believe I would really care.

I guess one of my only reasons for sticking around now is just the desire to see what comes next really. So many events have happened in my lifetime, like the September 11 terrorist attacks and hurricane Katrina. What will happen next? I am also interested in technology and science, and that too, within the span of my lifetime so far, has advanced by leaps and bounds. What's Intel's new Penryn processor going to be like?

Even though I have little to no ambition or passion, I do enjoy learning and trying new things. I do like music, and video games too, and I have halfheartedly set a goal of becoming a videogame designer, which I wouldn't mind reaching. But maybe I will drop out of college and try to advance at my current job? Maybe a girl will fall in love with me? Maybe I will have children someday? Or Maybe I will still be a virgin when I am 60? Maybe I will go to jail? Maybe I will get hit by a car tomorrow?

So in the end, I am here to see what happens next on this ride, and really just to see how things unfold. Speaking of which, I need to finish this college project tonight. Maybe I will finish it and get an A in my course, or maybe I will just not feel like doing the whole thing and lose my scholarship since it is 40% of my grade. ;)

As for my relationships, my only relationships I consider important are those with the members of my family, and truthfully, I never really thought about their relationships alone as things that would keep me tethered to life. When I did think of suicide often, my relationships with them made me want to make my death look like an accident, but not make me not want to kill myself (double negative?).

Methinks these may not be desireable reasons to stick around, but hey, they are enough to keep me going...

...And I agree with Jen, this is a very thought provoking topic, and one that I wanted to respond to when I was a lurker.

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My number 1 reason for living is my children. They really love me, faults and all, and I just couldn't do that to them.

Number 2 reason is my husband and my mom. My moms husband committed suicide about 2 years ago, and I don't think she could handle it. My husbands brothers died at age 16 in a car accident, I don't think he could handle it either. So I live for them.

I've only been suicidal once, and it was so horrible for me. I hope to never be that bad again.

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Can I join you with the cabana boys Greeny? :wtf:

I do alot of my continued living for my 16 yr old sister(who sometimes hates me :cussing: teenagers!),my cat,the rest of the family that would probably collapse if they didn't have someone sane to call(uhh the sane one is me?),and I'm now very spirtual and it would violate those beliefs I have.

;) I made a serious attempt at 21, said if I lived I was meant to be here, I'm here :)

In in it for the long haul I hope

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