is this real?

[lysergia]

i don't really know where this belongs. it could be a symptom of ptsd, depression, anxiety, a sleep disorder, something physical, narcolepsy, something multiple-ish....

i am having a REALLY hard time these past months with being able to wake up. i don't mean when the alarm goes off... i can do that. i mean in the middle of the night (or middle of a nap). i know i'm dreaming - but i don't know i'm dreaming for sure - but my arms and legs and voice don't work right. they're too heavy and i can't talk no matter how i yell and scream... nothing comes out. eventually this turns to long (sooo long) nightmarish scenarios every time, where i either wake myself up (a) screaming loud enough to wake the house, (b) unable to breathe and choking because i am trying too hard to make noise, or © bathed in sweat and unable to move my limb(s) for a moment, leaving me to wonder which world is real.

it's getting worse and worse. i've always had this, but very infrequently. since an episode of what seemed like serotonin syndrome two months ago, where i walked the living nightmare for three sleepless days, i've had this almost every night/nap. i've had it in reverse a few times too... i am totally awake and fall over partially paralyzed as if i were asleep. that's almost scarier.

i'm going crazy. well i am anyway but this is seriously pushing me over the edge. the dream i just had an hour ago was that i was trying desperately to communicate my dying wish before i killed myself on the highway, and nobody i called on the pay phone could hear me. then i couldn't crawl back onto the higway either. so i yelled and screamed blue murder into a dead pay phone until i woke myself up, again.

i can't remember what the damned dying wish was but i remember EVERYTHING else, as with all of these dreams, and it feels so very real - i feel suicidal right now, and i didn't when i went to sleep, and i have this awful compulsion to call everyone i love, RIGHT NOW, and i can hardly distract myself from it, cause this happens too fucking much...

i'm not going to off myself, i have a pdoc appointment in 2 weeks, but ye gods someone fucking help me. my family is going to commit me soon (joking? i think?), not to mention i am scaring my child half to death. i'm missing appointments and important crap because i am dreaming i have already done it and it is all SOOOO real. except i'm sure i've done it and the consequences were bad so i don't let myself dwell on it.... until i find out i've goofed, again.

help, if you can. even just tell me it'll end.

fwiw, halloween is a bad time on the ptsd end of things for me, if that has anything to do with it.

thanks.

[r.mcmurphy]

that is some horrible, scary stuff that you are enduring. i have been there recently but new pdoc (a keeper) but a lid on it. it was due to more than a year of ambien. you don't list any hypnotics in your rx's but have thc listed. chronic is unpredictable in it's effects. perhaps that could be put on the shelve while you wait out the 2 weeks until appt.

i might be talking through my hat. but i gotta speak to the hell that you are enduring. it sounds to me like the hallucinations and night terrors that i went through. you have to hold on for the two weeks.

a member of CM was kind enought to find this for me when i was desperate for a reason for that horror :

[link=http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/163/4/749-a" target="_blank]http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/163/4/749-a[/link] that is the only thing that references lamictal as causal. notice it applys to boozers only.

if you are not familiar with the site that checks for drug/drug interactions, you might use it to check your meds:

[link=https://www.aidsmeds.com/cmm/" target="_blank]https://www.aidsmeds.com/cmm/[/link]

hope that i have successfully created the pair of links.

you gotta find relief somehow as it's hurting the only refuge that exists for people suffering from depession/BP.

keep us posted please.

[lysergia]

thanks mcmurph. both for the info and telling me that this is scary because dammit it is scary. i tend to not believe my own experience and re-write it constantly when i feel it is "impossible" (that's a multiple trick! wanna learn? ). so thanks.

it started happening before the lamotigine, though

i wonder what the thc is doing in all this - i honestly didn't think of it. i've been using it for almost ten years for nausea and anxiety (NOTHING else cures my chronic nausea from antidepressants).

ooh interesting connection maybe (feel free to space out, i'm just blathering now because it's easier than finding something else to do). the serotonin syndrome-like experience started when i actually didn't smoke any thc for 24 hours (i was with my parents, who didn't know i smoke). i was at 225 of effexor then and no lamotrigine. i became increasingly nauseous, then vomited constantly for the next few days. my parents were horrified and wanted to send me to the hospital - because by this time the narcoleptic symptoms started (no sleep for 72 hours, no matter how i tried), violent constant whole body tremors, legs way too heavy as if in a dream, couldn't hold a cigarette properly because of locking jaw, etc....

so my mother says "isn't there ANYTHING you can do to keep this food down?". in my frustration, i barked "yeah i could smoke a fuckin joint then it might happen". OMG i could not believe that came out of my mouth (although by this time, everything was pouring out of my mouth as if i were dreaming... no inhibitions at all). even more unbelievable was my mother's response.... "then go do it! right now!" followed by my father's "we'll blame the smell on the neighbours!" (we were camping at the time). my teetotalling parents were now fans of controlled substances... hee

the thc brought the nausea down 50%, but didn't touch any of the other symptoms. they only began to stop when i dropped my effexor to 150 (by myself, yeah stupid, but pdoc agreed with me when i could finally see him).

the only symptom still hanging around is this sleep crap. except i'm a hypersomniac instead of insominiac now.

well that took a long time to type. let's see what else i can distract myself with. (i am NOT calling anybody, i'm really not, it was just a damned dream...)

[crazycatnapper]

Have you been tested for sleep disorders?

Narcoleptics have problems with sleep/wake portions intruding on each other. Major symptoms are EDS (excessive daytime sleepiness), sleep paralysis (being paralyzed although aware/awake upon falling asleep or upon awakening), cataplexy (muscles go limp while awake- this can be anything from one muslce in your body to your kness buckling where you fall down and go boom), hallucinations (in betweeen wake and sleep you can hear/see shit- most scary), automatic behavior (you continue to function as normal but your brain is really sleeping, you just don't fucking realize it).

You sound like you have sleep paralysis and I promise it's scary as hell. Nothing like trying to move and scream and not being able to. Episodes can last for a few seconds to a few minutes. I hate those things.

Confusion between real stuff and dreams is another symptom of narcolepsy. I've had times I SWORE I paid bills only to later find out it was only a dream. Narc brains don't always tell the difference between dreams and real memories.

Now, some of these things are normal and happen to people every once in a blue moon, but if you have problems a lot, I'd suggest seeing a sleep specialist. For me, life made more sense once I found out I had narcolepsy. I'm recently diagonosed and they are still trying to control my symptoms, but at least knowing I wasn't losing my mind is somewhat reassuring. And I also got worse as the years rolled on. Sometimes Narc works that way. At least find out if you really have a sleep disorder or it's just your meds messing with you. Good luck.

[lysergia]

wow catnapper, that sounds an awful lot like my problem. we've always "sort of" included narcolepsy in our laundry list of dx's just because of the ability to sleep ANYWHERE ANYTIME - especially if it's inconvenient. as well as the few cataplexic episodes we've also had, but ignored in the end because it wasn't frequent enough to be bothered by alerting yet another doctor.

but i guess i know now i should, because it's every goddamned day and the anxiety is getting overwhelming.

i really wanna call my pdoc for some clonazepam. i don't know if it's a good idea, or even if he'd give it to me. we're new to each other. maybe benzos would make the nightmares worse. or the ability to wake up. but i would love to calm the fuck down. i'm tired of kicking/tripping over cats/dogs that aren't there.

okay so sleep study. i'm scared of that if it means sleeping somewhere else. i'd do it, but i'm scared to.

thanks again

[null0trooper]

so my mother says "isn't there ANYTHING you can do to keep this food down?". in my frustration, i barked "yeah i could smoke a fuckin joint then it might happen". OMG i could not believe that came out of my mouth (although by this time, everything was pouring out of my mouth as if i were dreaming... no inhibitions at all). even more unbelievable was my mother's response.... "then go do it! right now!"

Smart parents. Uncontrolled nausea can be very damaging and fairly dangerous - far more than a hit of weed in a safe place with people you can trust.

I agree with catnapper - some of what you describe sounds like night terrors (ironic that it's this close to Halloween and you're feeling "hag-ridden").

An EEG as well as a sleep study would not be unreasonable, as I'm not sure that absence seizures are out of the question even with an AC in your mix.

[Cetkat]

i really wanna call my pdoc for some clonazepam. i don't know if it's a good idea, or even if he'd give it to me. we're new to each other. maybe benzos would make the nightmares worse. or the ability to wake up. but i would love to calm the fuck down. i'm tired of kicking/tripping over cats/dogs that aren't there.

I don't know a whole lot about narcolepsy.. but as far as the night terrors go, I think the clonazepam might actually help. Also, I got night terrors withdrawing from Geodon (to the point where I made myself wake up), and Effexor can make dreams more vivid. So it's not impossible that meds could be causing it. Even if that's the case though, I think anything to relax you would be good. Alot of dreams are based on anxiety.. so if you're not anxious, the dreams may not be so unpleasant. One of the most mentally taxing things for me is pushing myself out of a dream into consciousness.. So I think that would be the hardest part - not getting over the benzo. If you can manage the former, the latter shouldn't be a problem.

[mel1]

When I was taking Stattera, I had tortuous, horrendous, gut-wrenching nightmares every night, all night. It was like going to sleep to visit hell every night. I never made the connection until i stopped taking Strattera. The very next day or two that I stopped taking it, the nightmares went away and I have never had dreams like that since the Strattera. Maybe there is a med. that doesn't like you very much. I feel for you. I never woke up screaming. I did that in my sleep. But it just sounds horrible. I hope you get something that helps you soon.

[sun_zoom_spark]

Check out these links on sleep paralysis and hypnagogic disorders.

SZS

[lysergia]

thanks again everybody. this is all helpful.

szs, that link... well i haven't read it ALL yet, but what i have read has hit me like a lead ball in my gut... don't remember having identified THIS hard with a dx since i first read about DID! i just have this sinking feeling like its a big piece of the puzzle of how i got to be this crazy. i can't tell what in my past was a dream and what was real. fuck. well at least i never thought i was abducted by aliens or something. damn.

definitely something to bring to the pdoc :/

[sun_zoom_spark]

I would put your symptoms more in the neurological/sleep realm than the psychiatric realm.

Could be caused by many different physical conditions related to neurological and vascular problems.

Time for a sleep study.

SZS

[lysergia]

I would put your symptoms more in the neurological/sleep realm than the psychiatric realm.

Could be caused by many different physical conditions related to neurological and vascular problems.

Time for a sleep study.

SZS

methinks you are right. thanks.

[lysergia]

hahahahahaHA....

my pdoc thinks my symptoms (and i quote) are caused by "histrionic personality disorder".

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

oh that's fuckin priceless. good thing the clonazepam has stopped the screaming if not the paralysis.

i just "feel too much" and i have to "talk to my limbic system" to make it understand there is no terrifying situation. anybody know how to talk limbicinese?

that's almost as good as the shrink who told me i could control anxiety by talking to my amygdala. do these therapists think that crazy people have secret languages or what??

[crazycatnapper]

Unfortunately, many shrinks (or GPs for that matter) don't know squat about sleep disorders. If I were you, I'd be looking up a sleep specialist in the area and making an appointment ASAP. Realizing there isn't any true danger will NOT help narcoleptic induced paralysis. That is one reason it's so flippin scary; your brain is awake and knows you cannot fucking move.

I must admit, your post made me laugh. It IS priceless. Sad, but still priceless. Your doc needs a swift kick in the ass.

Don't accept that diagnosis. Go find another doc who is trained in sleep. Narc is generally misdiagnosed for an average of 14 damned years and psych problems are the basic labels we all get before the truth is discovered. Good luck.

[HaloGirl66]

i just "feel too much" and i have to "talk to my limbic system" to make it understand there is no terrifying situation. anybody know how to talk limbicinese?

that's almost as good as the shrink who told me i could control anxiety by talking to my amygdala. do these therapists think that crazy people have secret languages or what??

Your pdoc is an ass. I'd try a sleep specialist in your area.

"Talk to your limbic system???" WTF?

[lysergia]

okay i haven't posted about this since november, mostly because it stopped happening. i figured it was because we were weaning off the effexor and that was helping. also, i still haven't seen a pdoc at all, nor do i even have the remotest possibility of seeing a tdoc anytime soon.

but it's baaaaaackkk....

i was ignoring the sleep stuff. the waking myself up yelling again. the heavy limbs. the unreality.

but then yesterday, my legs went heavy (like when i'm asleep), and i fell and hit my head on the kitchen counter.

i'm okay, but it scared me.

we're down to 37.5 mg effexor, so i can't blame it on the 225 mg dose anymore.

we're under a lot of stress unrelated to MI, but that's it - actually less depressed than usual.

today i have an appointment with a pnurse - whatever that means in this hospital i don't know, since i've never seen one. i don't know whether to mention it. i know it requires a sleep study. but the reality is... it's not ALL the time. we'd get scheduled for a study, wait at least six months on a waiting list, and then *poof* we'd be in a phase where we're sleeping fine and not a symptom at all. what would be the point?

what would you do? would you say something or not?

even if you don't answer today (my appointment is in four hours, i should have posted before instead of ruminating on it), i'd like to know. i could always make a gp appointment and bring it up there.

i just don't know what to do with this anymore.

- probably not thinking clearly lysergia

[lysergia]

never mind. none of that matters. both the pnurse and pdoc she hunted down for me ignored those symptoms, just like everybody else does.

- i have screaming nightmares only because i'm on an SNRI

- blank look and no explanation for the heavy limbs/paralysis (probably thinking psychosomatic but not saying it aloud)

- withdrawal from effexor is responsible for the vertigo which is responsible for my falling down

- it'll all get better when my anxiety gets better. have some more clonazepam.

i'm not any more anxious than a normal person would be if they were living my life right now.

i'm less depressed than i've been in a long time.

my reactions to the stressors in my life are exceptionally good (for me).

no wonder i question whether or not to mention it. nobody believes me anyway.

alright that was my moment of self-pity. moving on now.

[crazycatnapper]

Sorry I haven't been around in a while and didn't see your earlier post. I would NOT take no for an answer. And the funny thing about Narcolepsy is it can come and go in tides. Stress can make symptoms worse, but there really is no rhyme/reason to why some times in your life are better or worse than others. I was reading a thread about that very subject tonight.

The sleep study will show brainwaves during sleep. You may feel like you're not having symptoms when your brain will show otherwise. And when I fell down at work, I had to see a neurologist because I was also having things that looked like seizures. Just an odd form of cataplexy where the muscle overreacts to going limp and tries to "right" itself, so you see jerking like motions.

As I said previously, docs only tend to think inside "their" box. Any unusual symptom that could be related to an AD or other psych med will be seen as a psych thing by a pdoc. They mostly know NOTHING about Narcolepsy. They MAY know a little about restless leg and sleep apnea, but not much. And to a pdoc, all insomnia is psych related somehow. Telling a pdoc about sleep paralysis or hallucinations will just get you a new psych label and a brand new kind of med, probably an antipsychotic.

What will having a sleep test hurt? Yeah, you have to sleep in a strange room with all kinds of wires hooked up to you, but it will show how your sleep architecture is. Are you getting all the stages and in the right proportions? I had two overnight studies done, but it was only a copay and two nights of my life. Yes, they suck, but now my life makes sense. You owe it to yourself in my opinion. We all tend to just accept what the pdocs tell us even if we know something else is up because the falling down, the nightmares, the paralysis seem crazy. I never realized all people who were deemed depressed didn't suffer those things and I was afraid if I told my pdoc too much, he'd lock me away. LOL