lysergia Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 i don't really know where this belongs. it could be a symptom of ptsd, depression, anxiety, a sleep disorder, something physical, narcolepsy, something multiple-ish.... i am having a REALLY hard time these past months with being able to wake up. i don't mean when the alarm goes off... i can do that. i mean in the middle of the night (or middle of a nap). i know i'm dreaming - but i don't know i'm dreaming for sure - but my arms and legs and voice don't work right. they're too heavy and i can't talk no matter how i yell and scream... nothing comes out. eventually this turns to long (sooo long) nightmarish scenarios every time, where i either wake myself up (a) screaming loud enough to wake the house, (b) unable to breathe and choking because i am trying too hard to make noise, or © bathed in sweat and unable to move my limb(s) for a moment, leaving me to wonder which world is real. it's getting worse and worse. i've always had this, but very infrequently. since an episode of what seemed like serotonin syndrome two months ago, where i walked the living nightmare for three sleepless days, i've had this almost every night/nap. i've had it in reverse a few times too... i am totally awake and fall over partially paralyzed as if i were asleep. that's almost scarier. i'm going crazy. well i am anyway but this is seriously pushing me over the edge. the dream i just had an hour ago was that i was trying desperately to communicate my dying wish before i killed myself on the highway, and nobody i called on the pay phone could hear me. then i couldn't crawl back onto the higway either. so i yelled and screamed blue murder into a dead pay phone until i woke myself up, again. i can't remember what the damned dying wish was but i remember EVERYTHING else, as with all of these dreams, and it feels so very real - i feel suicidal right now, and i didn't when i went to sleep, and i have this awful compulsion to call everyone i love, RIGHT NOW, and i can hardly distract myself from it, cause this happens too fucking much... i'm not going to off myself, i have a pdoc appointment in 2 weeks, but ye gods someone fucking help me. my family is going to commit me soon (joking? i think?), not to mention i am scaring my child half to death. i'm missing appointments and important crap because i am dreaming i have already done it and it is all SOOOO real. except i'm sure i've done it and the consequences were bad so i don't let myself dwell on it.... until i find out i've goofed, again. help, if you can. even just tell me it'll end. fwiw, halloween is a bad time on the ptsd end of things for me, if that has anything to do with it. thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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