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How do you know when to go?


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This past Thurs. I was in such a state that I thought seriously about going to the hospital. I didn't know what hospital or what would happen or what??? Then my seroquel kicked in and I passed out. The next morning, my mom and step-dad came and got my kids for the weekend. The weekend was very quiet, peaceful, and relaxing. I never felt stressed.

Oh, about what was happening BEFORE I wanted to go to the hos. My kids were driving me insane. I literally could not stand their noises. The more it bothered me, the worse they acted. They have been walking all over me like sharks circling around a wounded, bleeding victim. They seem to sense my weakness in disciplining them because I am trying to hold it together. NOt that I think it's they're fault-I realize they are just kids-oh 3 and 5- and they are not plotting against me, but I am having a tremendous amount of trouble handling them. and dealing with their noises. constant, irritating, noises that drive me to rages.

They have been back now today for about 3 hrs. and I am feeling myself try to dissassociate from them, their noises, my dh yelling at them, their behavior gets worse. And I know whose fault it is when kids have bad behaviour =the parents.

I got off course, butI'm supposed to go back to work soon, and I'm scared that dI can't handle anything out there if I can't handle my own 2 small children.

The reason I wanted to go to the hos. is because I was yelling and screaming at my kids and I told them I hated them. Other stuff-no beating, but being really, really mean. I took 4 seroquel, 2 xanax and a klonopin. After that kicked in, I was mellow, but started balling my eyes out and couldn't stop. I had been having suicidal thoughts all week again. It's been a while. I don't know what to do. My pdoc comes back from vacation tomorrow and I"m hoping to get in to see her asap.

I just want to know what it was they made people go to the hospital on their own. mel

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No hospital stories here, mel, but I'm sorry you're having this trouble.  You've got two kids who are just at the right age for testing boundaries, so don't feel too bad about them being difficult.  Just try to take care of yourself.  If you keep having problems tonight don't hesitate to call a crisis line just to talk.  And keep posting here, we're here for you.

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I got off course, butI'm supposed to go back to work soon, and I'm scared that dI can't handle anything out there if I can't handle my own 2 small children.

Well, I think most people would agree that 2 small children can be much more difficult than most jobs, especially in the dysphoric state you're experiencing.

That said, I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time. If your insurance will pay for your hospitalization, that might be a quicker way to recover and get on the right meds. If not, it doesn't sound like you're suicidal so I guess it depends on your financial situation and pdoc.

But...as annoying as 3&5 year olds can be, it's really not their fault. Also, it's probably a downward cycle: you're exhausted and not up to doing anything with them, they get bored and start fighting or coloring on the walls, you tell them to stop, they test limits, you can't deal and yell, they're confused so they act worse and on down. As you probably know, it is harmful for kids to have mom screaming at them because as much as you might explain it, at that age, they are convinced it's because they are awful. Just like if you were incredibly ill with the flu, you just don't have the ability to care for them properly while you feel so awful.

I'm glad your mom could take them for the weekend. Will your husband be around to watch them in the next few days or will he be at work? Can someone else watch the kids (neighbor, friend, parent of a playmate)? Can they go to daycare? At the very least, maybe you could have a babysitter come over? (And you could crash at a friend's for some peace and quiet?)

If you are concerned that you might hurt your kids, you can call Parents Anonymous, Child Protective Services or Dept of Family Services (depending on where you are). In the county where I live, there are programs for parents who are basically where you're at--the breaking point (but haven't crossed it). They get a lot of supportive, in-home counseling, respite, parent aides, etc. all for free. Now...you do want to be cautious about when/if you want to involve any state agencies. I understand that a really awful bp day can look like bad parenting....when most of the time, I'm sure you're an excellent parent. I think most agencies understand this, but....you never know.

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Hey Mel,

Now I see what you were referring too. I think that you need a break.  I also think that recurring suicidal thoughts might warrant a trip to the hospital especially if they occur with screaming "I hate you" at your kids.  You sound as though you feel you are at your breaking point, and you don't want to snap, especially in front of your kids or at work. Better to curtail this monster while you're still ahead.

JBella

P.S.  You already know why I went in the hos.  Because I was so happy I wanted to kill myself.  Then sad.  Happy.  Mad.  Alone. Joyful.  Psychotic.

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