does anyone else keep all their old meds?

[meg]

I was wondering if anyone else tended to keep/hoard their old prescriptions that they don't take anymore. I did this for a long time (I'm sure that I'm not the only one)...and I'm kindof curious what reasons (if any) you all have/had for doing this.

My reasons (um, at least as far as I can figure out):

• Med-Go-Round, the black horse (depression's horse is black, I think bipolar's horse is really a black/white zebra, and OCD's is a very well maintained and groomed show horse, ADD's could be one that goes really fast, then slow, then sideways,-----but annnyway..) and I had no idea if I would ever NOT be breaking in a new med, or getting off one I just started, or paying $100 to see the pdoc and $40 for the med, just to have it not work 2 days or 2 months later.
  • I thought that I would probably need them all, to try again, because I'd never figure it out.
    

  [*]Saftey Blanket-- having options? knowing that I always had *something* to take, like if I couldn't get my current meds or see the pdoc or, or, or, or.

  [*]Badge of Honor?? Proof?? that YES, LOOK, I REALLY AM THIS SCREWED UP, I don't need to just "cheer up" and "look on the bright side"-- the professionals agree that this is serious enough to prescribe ALL THIS shit you see here. I couldn't minimize it, and nobody else could either.

  [*]Plan Z.

  • if all else fails...at least I'll have the means to off myself. I don't think I ever *conciously* decided this, but I know it must have been in there somewhere.
    

but anyway, what prompted this post is that I finally managed to flushed mine after years of hoarding.

I don't need them now.

I emptied every. single. capsule. and broke every. single. tab.

one by one

into the toilet

and FLUSHED and yelled

"I WIN! I win, I win, I win, I win!"

(it took a couple of flushes for all the little floaty ends of xr capsules to go down.)

and then I yelled some more.

thanks for letting me babble on about me.

what about you all?

meg

[borzage]

I used to keep mine for plan Z (ha! I'm going to call it that from now on!)

These days I make sure to get rid of stuff I am pretty sure I'll never need again. It not only makes my medicine cabinet safer, it eliminates clutter, and less clutter = less depression!

Occasionally I regret throwing all that stuff out, but that's self-destructive me talking. I know I did the right thing.

Cool that you threw yours out. It sounds like you've been doing alright lately.

[meg]

I used to keep mine for plan Z (ha! I'm going to call it that from now on!)

I dubbed it that during my first let-up from my depression, when I finally passed the danger point of most of those thoughts-- I even programmed 'Z' in my contact list on my cell phone to be a suicide hotline (just in case. I'm sure I'll never need it, and it's out of sight down at the bottom of my contact list where I don't see it, but it's oddly reassuring)... yep, there are a lot of plans that come before plan z, thank god.

[confused]

I had been keeping some for plan Z. I talked to my tdoc about it and she convinced me to throw them out.

Good for you for throwing them away.

[dangergirl]

Meg, I've been reading a lot of your posts and it sounds like you are doing great lately - congrats! Since I'm pretty new to MI, I keep mine for the med-go-round and really no other reason. Even with my co-pay, they've cost me $50 each, so I'd rather not flush 'em only to have to get 'em again...and even though I didn't love 'em, if someone smarter than me said, "yeah, you need to suffer through that horrible feeling to get to the good stuff", well, I'd listen. I wouldn't like it, but I'd listen. And all of you would have to listen to me bitch until it was over....lol.

[wake me when i'm dead]

i only throw away the ones that i have really nasty reactions to.

the rest? plan z.

and i too, really really really really really like that term!

[Rabbit37]

I guess maybe an unconcious plan z? I've got several bottles, some of them frustratingly full (I just paid for them, and now I'm getting switched???) Just out of sheer monetary value, I hate to think about flushing them.

[mel1]

I am really glad I saved my seroquel, because I went back on it and it's very expensive. I used to save all my old meds, but then i figured out these were ones I would never go on again no matter what. As for plan Z, it's never been a plan of mine. I had other methods in mind.

[meg]

rabbit and mel- I know what you mean about flushing away money. there are several prescriptions that I have a full like 3xdaily for a month supply of, that I switched off of 2days in

I kept them all for about a year though, and they weren't doing anything for me but take up space and make me feel crappy looking at them-- hence the toilet ceremony.

I do know where you're coming from tho

edited to add a comment to dangergirl (I totally thought I'd replied to you already, I swear I did!)

but anyway, the med-go-round thing was my main reason for a long time, I mean, if I have 2 months worth of $ effexor, and I get rid of them now-- then I know that the pdoc will say next appointment "so, I've been thinking, I think we need to give that effexor another shot- I have no doubt that those initial effects will go away with some time"

it's just law that that would happen, lol.

I think it was later on that it morphed more into the other reasons--

that's probably the point where you'd have to worry

but yeah, like you said, I'm doing great lately (!) I really am (?!) so I figured it was time for me to flush those babies.

said flushing:

"whssssssssssssssssshglugglugglug"

[r.mcmurphy]

cheers for meg. step that i will someday take hopefully. all 4 of your reasons are batshit crazy as far as hoarding. the plan Z is gotta go, my pdoc sez bring 'em to me for your own good. VA sends 3-4 mos supply at a time. med cabinet is a junkyard.

[YorkshireRose]

I think if I flushed my old meds down the toilet it would be like flushing my friends away!!!!

I keep all of them yet Ive never really thought about why,I guess it is a way of controling that element of my life,like just in case the doctor said no more I should have hoarded enough to last me a long while!!!

Especially the ones that sedate you,I dont think I could ever part with those babies you just never know when youre gunna need em!!!

And yes I guess I do consider plan Z at some point!!!

[meg]

I think if I flushed my old meds down the toilet it would be like flushing my friends away!!!!

I keep all of them yet Ive never really thought about why,I guess it is a way of controling that element of my life

---

And yes I guess I do consider plan Z at some point!!!

Hey Rose,

I didn't get to welcome you on your intro post, so welcome to CB

and I know what you mean about the security of having that backup army of pill bottles, but I just personally reached the point where I realized that my army really would do more harm than good in the long run..but we all make our own choices for our own reasons- but I do think it's important to consider what and why your reasons are, you know?

I'm kinda surprised (I don't know why, we all have a lot of similarities sometimes) that so many people heartily agree with the plan z reason. it kinda makes me sad that so many of us had that in our heads somewhere-- I'm just glad that none of us carried it out, after all, there are a whooole lot more plans before you reach the bottom of the alphabet.

<3

meg

[dangergirl]

I did not have plan Z (feeling so alone now...lol). I've mentioned a million times that I'm way too chicken to commit suicide - mostly bc I know I'd screw it up and the utter and complete humiliation at having to face family and friends would be more than I could handle (and then I'd really, really want to be dead, but knowing that I'm a failure at even that, would sink even deeper - it's just a losing proposition all the way around). No method is truly foolproof...and man am I a FOOL.

[meg]

I did not have plan Z (feeling so alone now...lol). I've mentioned a million times that I'm way too chicken to commit suicide

it's generally better for your heath and wellbeing to not off yourself.

this is a scientific fact.

I *know* that I would neverever do it and go through with it, so I don't know why it made me feel better to have that box of pills-- but please don't feel in any way that you *should* have felt that way- it doesn't minimize anybody's pain to have different plans of dealing with it. I don't think this is what you meant, but I hate how people can get competative about pain--"well, I was gonna kill myself, so my depression is worse nananagoogoo"-- there's no comparing these things.

and besides the fact that I could never do that to my family (main reason) I also was pretty damn sure that I'd screw it up too I figured that I'd just cause myself some permenant brain or organ damage or something, you know, as a punishment. and because I sometimes suck at life. we all do.

that doesn't sound right-- here: we all do, sometimes.

meg

[YorkshireRose]

If Im completely honest Id imagine my plan Z would be a cry for help,knowing my luck Id be playing a harp within 20 minutes of doing it though!!!!

Im so pleased you felt ready to flush the little buggers down the loo meg,I guess Im just not ready yet as things are quite unstable for me right now!!

Danger, its a good thing plan Z isnt part of your agenda theres certainly nothing chicken about facing life while your head feels as though it belongs to someone else,and you certainly dont seem a fool to me!!!!

[dangergirl]

I did not have plan Z (feeling so alone now...lol). I've mentioned a million times that I'm way too chicken to commit suicide

but please don't feel in any way that you *should* have felt that way- it doesn't minimize anybody's pain to have different plans of dealing with it. I don't think this is what you meant, but I hate how people can get competative about pain--"well, I was gonna kill myself, so my depression is worse nananagoogoo"-- there's no comparing these things.

No, that's not what I meant - it was a poor attempt at humor at my own expense if that makes sense? I seriously question fitting in here sometimes bc I don't suffer the debilitating depression that many of "you" feel here. Spending time on this board makes me wonder if my dx is off...and reading this does make me feel alone. It's not competition, it's really confusion - like, wtf is wrong w/me that I don't have a plan z? Like I'm too crazy to even fit in with the crazies (please don't anyone feel insulted by that - I've felt like an outsider all my life that it was nice to feel like I fit in somewhere for a little while).

Ugh - I'm crying and feeling like an ass now - I'm gonna go back to trying to find a pdoc.

[witchywoman]

I also keep my meds, but I really don't know why. I don't have plan z, at least not right now. I think my main reasons for keeping them is in case I need them again. Also, money is probably a reason. They cost me money, why get rid of them kind of thing. I really should go through and flush mine. They are just taking up room.

[meg]

I did not have plan Z (feeling so alone now...lol). I've mentioned a million times that I'm way too chicken to commit suicide

but please don't feel in any way that you *should* have felt that way- it doesn't minimize anybody's pain to have different plans of dealing with it. I don't think this is what you meant, but I hate how people can get competative about pain--"well, I was gonna kill myself, so my depression is worse nananagoogoo"-- there's no comparing these things.

No, that's not what I meant - it was a poor attempt at humor at my own expense if that makes sense? I seriously question fitting in here sometimes bc I don't suffer the debilitating depression that many of "you" feel here. Spending time on this board makes me wonder if my dx is off...and reading this does make me feel alone. It's not competition, it's really confusion - like, wtf is wrong w/me that I don't have a plan z? Like I'm too crazy to even fit in with the crazies (please don't anyone feel insulted by that - I've felt like an outsider all my life that it was nice to feel like I fit in somewhere for a little while).

Ugh - I'm crying and feeling like an ass now - I'm gonna go back to trying to find a pdoc.

I'm sorry dangergirl-

I kinda got carried away on my little soapbox there.

I wasn't meaning that *you* felt like it was a competition, I just meant that I didn't want there to be any pressure for people who had different reasons for keeping meds to feel like 'plan z' (a term I'm starting to dislike actually) was the way they should be feeling--- no way! I think it's awesome that everyone deals with MI in their own way, which is why I was asking in the first place.

curiosity killed the cat?

I hope that the 'outsider' feeling passes, because I feel like you really do fit in here. no--am not just saying that, but I've been spending a lot of time here the past few days and even if you aren't dealing with the *same* exact things as some of us doesn't mean that you don't give valuable insight, or that people don't appreciate you caring enough to post if someone's distressed, or that we don't want to hear your experience or opinions and on and on. your posts have actually been ones that I seem to identify with the most these days.

that might make no sense, but I would hate for you to feel excluded from this community that you are a part of (like it or not missy, we gotcha and we wanna keepya) because some things don't fit the 'normal crazy'-- the great thing about crazy is that it includes evvvverything.

It does sound important though that you maybe get in touch with a p/tdoc though, sounds like if you're having dx doubts and thoughts of that nature that you might want to go chat, just to reassure yourself or figure it out. I don't know if I should have PMed this instead, but I hope you stick around!

meg

[dangergirl]

I'm sorry dangergirl-

I kinda got carried away on my little soapbox there.

I wasn't meaning that *you* felt like it was a competition,

curiosity killed the cat?

I hope that the 'outsider' feeling passes, because I feel like you really do fit in here. no--am not just saying that, but I've been spending a lot of time here the past few days and even if you aren't dealing with the *same* exact things as some of us doesn't mean that you don't give valuable insight, or that people don't appreciate you caring enough to post if someone's distressed, or that we don't want to hear your experience or opinions and on and on. your posts have actually been ones that I seem to identify with the most these days.

that might make no sense, but I would hate for you to feel excluded from this community that you are a part of (like it or not missy, we gotcha and we wanna keepya) because some things don't fit the 'normal crazy'-- the great thing about crazy is that it includes evvvverything.

It does sound important though that you maybe get in touch with a p/tdoc though, sounds like if you're having dx doubts and thoughts of that nature that you might want to go chat, just to reassure yourself or figure it out. I don't know if I should have PMed this instead, but I hope you stick around!

meg

I cut out some stuff to shorten this since I'm a big writer too - no worries Meg - it did seem that it was me that you thought was competing. I'm feeling a little oversensitive lately and yes, I do think it's bc I need a med adjustment. Thanks for letting me know that it wasn't directed at me...but I do know what you mean - I think my sis was upset when I was first dx'd in that, I somehow took something special away from her...and let me tell you, I'd gladly give it all back to her.

As for curiosity killing the cat - well, satisfaction brought him back .

Thanks for saying I belong here (I think...lol...I still hate admitting my crazy). It is nice to see all the different flavors of crazy here and especially to see people like you and mcmurphy doing so well - that's really the best part for me. That's why I'm working towards that new pdoc appt. I go to the gp next Wens (earliest I could get) to get the ball rolling (need my referrals). So until then, I'll just ride the waves of my ups and downs and fight the urge to self medicate .

[meg]

It is nice to see all the different flavors of crazy here and especially to see people like you and mcmurphy doing so well - that's really the best part for me. That's why I'm working towards that new pdoc appt.

I'm glad that we're on the same page now, whew! that's a load off my mind- I was worried -- but it looks like there's no need to be, I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself, it's really good to hear that.

It took a lot of doing and time to get where I am right at this moment and sometimes I wanted to just give up and throw out the meds and ignore that there was a problem-- I'm so glad that I had people here and in my life who didn't allow me to do that to myself. From where I'm sitting now, it was all worth it (which would have been unimaginable last year) but I do believe it

good luck with the pdoc stuff, (go you!)

meg

I read/heard somewhere that you shouldn't flush them because they get in the water supply. Seems to me they should be filtered out at some point but still, I put them in the trash.

hey justmary

that did occur to me once, but think of all the chemicals and clorox and *ahem* leftover meds and drugs go down the toilet- I don't know, I bet we could figure it out, but am not that motivated to figure out what happens to poo and discarded crazymeds, ew.

we don't have a public water supply where I live anyway well-water is the wayy to go (and the only way to go out here, lol)

meg

[zsepthenne]

Gosh I really wish I could say I had done that. Congrats for you! ::Clapping madly::

I keep mine mostly for plan z. And I hoard lithium as I am in the county system and you never know when your med supply might be cut. But mostly plan z. I have had a few therapists try to get me to get rid of them. I just can't give up that power of knowing I'm in control in at least that way .

I would worry about taking out a city block or two as I have been hoarding since 21, and I'm 36 I was a few years without meds though. I have a large collection, and I just realized how kooky it really is for me to keep all of them. Uhhh......

[meg]

I would worry about taking out a city block or two as I have been hoarding since 21, and I'm 36 I was a few years without meds though. I have a large collection, and I just realized how kooky it really is for me to keep all of them. Uhhh......

hey

I understand where you are coming from with holding onto a lot of old meds (and 100% get keeping the lithium, I keep my crappy generic wellbutrin incase my insurance messes up- then at least I have THAT rather than nothing!)

but as far as keeping things for 15years or so? hmm.

I'm totally not judging by the way- please don't take this that way, but maybe it's time to weed through that stash and see what you *really* don't need at all. medications expire and lose effectiveness so sorry to say (and you probably know this) that I lot of those older meds might do veryvery little, if anything. I imagine that different chemicals lose effectiveness at different speeds so taking any of those older pills might actually do more harm than good, you know? No use in keeping mystery-pills around (even for plan z. really).

I don't know where you store the old meds, but when I was clearing out mine, I treated myself to a new organizational system (cost: like 1.99each, lol). I have some really nice photo-boxes that I got at places like michael's craft store or big chain/discount stores. They're about the same as shoe-boxes but you can label the outside and it's a standard size so they all stack up in a closet or on a shelf very nicely (and prettily. am dork that way.) so you can even store them in plain sight since they just look like decorative organized boxes. It makes me feel somehow more in control of them since they're organized and I don't have to sort through dozens of bottles that look exactly the same (arrgh, so annoying).

Anyway, just my few cents (looks like more than two),

meg

ps- I can out-kook you a little bit here: I've always had the urge to peel the labels off the bottles when I'm done and stick them all in a notebook. like a really f-ed up (scuse me, lol) scrapbook. I've managed not to thus far and am going to try to keep it that way. I can find out my prescription records if I need them, and last thing I need is a new boyfriend or roommate coming across two notebooks full of prescription labels--eeep.

[mel1]

I just wanted to add a side note to plan z. Not to be preachy, just to give my perspective. When I was inpatient for severe depression, I saw the result of 2 diff. people who did the plan z. They are both with kidney bags and hate themselves for what they did. I understand keeping old meds. in case you might need them. But if you have a plan z, by all means, get rid of them while you are not in a plan z'ish kinda state of mind.

[dangergirl]

OYE!! Mel, you just gave me more horrible mental pictures to add to my list of reasons not to - and all sorts of derivatives thereof. OYE OYE OYE (Danger running screaming from plan Z).

[mel1]

lol. It was really humiliating for them, especially when their bag started leaking and they peed all over themselves. Not to mention the permanent and really bad damage to your kidneys and liver.

[isis]

ive only been on meds for just over a year now. but since i've taken several different ones... i had large supplies left over.

1. plan Z. which was really not including most of the stuff there because a) they tasted too bad and b) i knew they'd just make me hurt/sick rather than die.

2. i have these thoughts that if for some reason there was a world crisis - my extra meds could be helpful to other people. so i want to keep them for that. just in case. im not sure whether this is a logical thought or a strange one...

I kept the ones that were useful to me and gave all the extras back to my doc. and chucked some out. i felt relieved having them gone.

[Guest soon2bdownunder]

I keep them all in a cold, covered & hidden stash, just in case. They say the military tested drugs "worthiness" some time ago & they will give the same effect for up to 10 yrs. granted they are stashed cold & dark. Drug companies just wanta cover their ass, or the military who did the tests were stoned outta their gordes!

[betcsu]

i used to keep all my old meds. had a walmart bag full of old pill bottles, some with a full months minus a few days supply. i held onto them because they cost so much and i was hoping to find someone who could use them as opposed to just throwing all that money down the toilet. after checking with everyone i know with a MI and giving away a few bottles of depakote, i finally, just last week, threw all the rest away. gone forever! i feel so de-cluttered!