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Well, with being dumped by my (now X) boyfriend as well as with a bunch of female (now X) friends abandoning me in my hour of need (yadda yadda)... fighting with loneliness, frustration, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and dejection, not to mention plain ol' ordinary depression, I've found myself engaging in behaviour that might not be good... or maybe it's normal. 

I dropped about 10 pounds in 2 weeks (I'm 5 feet and weigh about 100 pounds now). 

I keep a food diary. 

I think about whether or not I can allow myself a glass of fat-free milk.

I drink water like it's going out of style. 

I drink Metamucil to stop hunger pangs and then curse myself when I'm hungry again 2 hours later. 

I go running about 5 miles 3 times a week, do weights at the gym, and abdominal exercises.  If I have something like frozen yogurt, I try to compensate by trying to eat less, or exercising more.   

I find if I have a piece of buttered toast, I want to majorly binge on it. 

I read cookbooks for fun. 

I hoard things like peanut butter and soda in my room.  Oh, I use it, but I certainly think of the peanut butter as necessary evil. 

If there's a choice between chicken or beef, I'll eat plain frozen vegetables from the microwave.  (Full of fiber, nutrients, you can eat more of them, yum...broccoli for the about the 15th day in a row...)

I at a peanut butter sandwich and some cheese today and felt all icky and gross afterward. 

I'm thinking this is symptomatic of my depression, but it's certainly not a usual one for me. 

Opinions? 

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Well, with being dumped by my (now X) boyfriend as well as with a bunch of female (now X) friends abandoning me in my hour of need (yadda yadda)... fighting with loneliness, frustration, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and dejection, not to mention plain ol' ordinary depression, I've found myself engaging in behaviour that might not be good... or maybe it's normal.
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speaking as someone who doesn't have an eating disorder..

one or two of these things (food diary, drinking water) might be normal, but all of this put together sounds like you're heading down the road to a bad eating disorder.

talk to a professional, definitely. don't let this get out of hand by writing it off as situational.

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As a fomer anorexic, it sounds to me like you have all the classic symptoms of anorerxia nervosa. Best of luck to you. Please get some serious help. this thing can get really out of control and kill you.

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Guest mich unlogged

yes this sounds alarming to me

your weight already sounds alarming to me, on top of this behavior provokes me to say go get some help

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Well, with being dumped by my (now X) boyfriend as well as with a bunch of female (now X) friends abandoning me in my hour of need (yadda yadda)... fighting with loneliness, frustration, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and dejection, not to mention plain ol' ordinary depression, I've found myself engaging in behaviour that might not be good... or maybe it's normal.
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Okay, thanks for all the replies so far. 

I have an appointment to see my therapist this Friday. 

Yeah, I binged on buttered bread (buttered bread!!) and feel really really gross. 

I did read the reports of the soldiers who starved themselves as part of an experiment.  They traded themselves in for that service, so they didn't have to serve in active duty, if I recall correctly. 

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I had a full meal yesterday, no holds barred.  No thought on calories, or fat intake, or whatever.  Beans with rice, toast, yogurt, milk...

5 minutes later, my stomach hurt.  Not like I had eaten too much, but it hurt like someone had punch me in the gut.  I felt guilty about eating.  And heavy. 

This was after I ran 5 miles, biked 4 miles, went to the gym for abs and weights. 

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Geez.  Lost 2 more pounds. 

Why am I so thrilled? 

I'm that much closer to falling into that "dangerously underweight" zone now. 

Damnit. 

And one person keeps telling me to eat cookies, drink Ensure (oh disgusting!!), have ice cream and bananas and....as if THAT'S going to do anything but make me say "yuck." 

I also have found myself seriously looking at laxatives, even though I know that they don't push food through you any faster, but I get the thought of "well if I have bulk fiber in me, I'll lose more weight because I'll eat less" and then the other part of me is saying "um, Blood, you moron, you're not supposed to be doing that." 

At one point I got on the scale and found I had gained about 6 pounds, but then I had my gym back on my shoulder at the time, so ...yeah, that's where the extra came from. 

Didn't keep me from freaking out for a moment, either. 

The craving goes between wanting to binge and wanting to not eat at all.  Pretty "normal" feelings I guess. 

Plus I have been overexercising; it's easy to do 1 1/2 hours of cardio when you meant to only do 1/2 an hour. 

Okay, well, I slipped.

Back to trying again *grumbles*

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5 minutes later, my stomach hurt.  Not like I had eaten too much, but it hurt like someone had punch me in the gut.  I felt guilty about eating.  And heavy.

no guilt here but the pain is real, hurts before I eat, hurts *much* worse after eating.  I try to eat little things, banana, yogurt, sometimes I know my blood sugar is so low and I start to be a real b*tc*. hubby asked me what the hell is wrong with me? why am I so mean? low blood sugar. run to taco bell, grab a sack full of junk food..eat it and feel like my guts are on fire.

the other night we went to sushi our favourite food, I felt so full I was going to puke.  From a portion that would have normally left me hungry. I hate this.

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Well, therapist was sick all week.  Poor woman.  She usually doesn't call in sick unless she's really unable to make it. 

I see the pdoc on Monday.  *shiver*

I am not taking Zyprexa, if he tries to give it to me.  It's not solving the root problem; in fact, it'll likely make me feel worse.  The weight gain is the perceived enemy, not the food itself. 

I'm still within the acceptable range of weight for my sex/age/height.  Although, my head aches more often, and I get chilled a lot easier. 

I still think about food a lot, too.  Curries, naan bread, pies, milk, peaches...etc. 

Oh man. 

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