withing Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 So, I call my old boss up to tell him he has to mail my tax papers to a new address ('cause I don't need a headache come tax time), and he says, "Oh, you're not with that guy anymore?" I explained the situation to him, and he offers to come and visit me after Christmas!!! Not as a friend, but as a potential love interest!!! Jeez Louis! What's up with that? Just because I'm "suddenly single" that means I'm up for grabs? I gave no indication that I was interested in seeing him (either when I was working with him, or afterwards), but he just took it for granted that I would want a man in my life. I indicated that it wouldn't be a good idea for him to come see me. I just don't understand why he thought it would be a good idea... edited for punctuation errors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Dontcha love it? I don't get it either, Patheral. You must be a hot momma and you're hiding your light under a bushel basket. He's a jerk. It would be one thing if he had just expressed concern, or asked if you need money, or asked if he could help in any way. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowCat Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I second the "jerk" motion. Some people are just so full of ego they think "ha, they're single now so that means available and means that they will not be able to resist any offer" I had a job once, the boss really really liked my work. However, my immediate supervisor didn't - I wasn't a qualified accountant and he wanted one. I found out later he'd actually told my boss that I'd quit, and he told me that oh, work has run out really thanks for your help see ya. THEN he has the nerve to ask me out for a dinner/movie. I went. Just for the hell of it and besides I hadn't seen a movie for ages (I picked the movie. Shrek rocked) but the NERVE of some people. Unbelievable. and yeah, he got his accountant. Hah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latin Girl Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Some men can be dicks!!!! My BFF who left her Boy friend is getting all this attention at work.. They want to "Comfort" her!!! They just want "The Stuffs" Duh!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangergirl Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Life sucks when you're bootylicious babes...and let's face it, lots of men think with their little heads and nothing else....(now before I get lumped by the boys, I said LOTS not ALL dammit...LOL). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.mcmurphy Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 oh fuck-olga took the stuffing outta me "You must be a hot momma and you're hiding your light under a bushel basket." i was gonna stand up for the two headed gender until she took the starch outta me with that line outta the 50's. yeah we are dicks, but we are your dicks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 Okay, that's the weird part. I am so not a "hot momma". I am 41, overweight, and a Plain Jane from my head to my toes. Yeah, okay, guys hit on me a lot (one of the world's mysteries), but I have a mirror and know how to use it. It just irks me that dude thought I would want to jump into something after what my madness put me through. This guy (not my madness) called me the other day and asked what the rent is like here, what businesses are around (how many 7-elevens, etc...), and if there's any fishing. I wanted to know why, he said he was just curious. Huh? WTF? Is he moving here? I don't know if he's playing head games with me or not, but that's just not cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangergirl Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Woman - you are so silly - it has nothing to do with how you look on the outside that makes you hot - even a super model can be ugly if you get to know her. Confidence, the right phermones, wearing good underwear - there are all sorts of things that make women appealing to men - it's not just your physical appearance...and if I had to guess, you are probably a lot more attractive than you give yourself credit for...even Claudia Schiffer (remember the original Guess? model?) thought herself rather plain and unattractive. So this guy is totally doggin ya? Maybe he's been in love with you forever and wants to jump at the chance before someone else snatches you up. I've learned that men talk. Yes, just as much as women - so all the guys at work talked about how much they liked you and he fears that if you're on the market too long, someone else will have you in their clutches before he can. I know it's very frustrating, but take it as the confidence booster that it should be, set boundaries with him - very firm boundaries and continue to vent to us about what an inconsiderate ass he is for only thinking of himself....and then remember this when you're ready to find a man and feel like you can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latin Girl Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Okay, that's the weird part. I am so not a "hot momma". I am 41, overweight, and a Plain Jane from my head to my toes. Yeah, okay, guys hit on me a lot (one of the world's mysteries), but I have a mirror and know how to use it. It just irks me that dude thought I would want to jump into something after what my madness put me through. This guy (not my madness) called me the other day and asked what the rent is like here, what businesses are around (how many 7-elevens, etc...), and if there's any fishing. I wanted to know why, he said he was just curious. Huh? WTF? Is he moving here? I don't know if he's playing head games with me or not, but that's just not cool. Maybe you are reading more into it then there actually is???? BTW.............what does he look like???? If he looks like Brad Pitt that is one thing, if he looks like Santa Claus that's another! I think you shouldn't answer his personal questions and just let it go. (unless you are intrested). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve@3AM Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 LG said "Maybe you are reading more into it then there actually is????" I think maybe you all are! MAYBE he was just a polite guy who liked her but wasn't going to express that to on her (unlike some!) while she was involved with someone else! (I would think MOST people would find that laudable!) Or did I miss something? Did he actually say "Oh you poor girl without a man. Do you want me to come over and replace your vibrator?" What's with always the knee jerk "guys are bad and only want one thing" crap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 MAYBE he was just a polite guy who liked her but wasn't going to express that to on her (unlike some!) while she was involved with someone else! (I would think MOST people would find that laudable!) You're right that he didn't say anything to me the entire time we were working together, and he didn't express his "interest" until afterwards. That is impressive. He did express it while I was with my madness, but left me alone when I told him I wasn't interested, because I was with someone. I'll give him points for that. Did he actually say "Oh you poor girl without a man. Do you want me to come over and replace your vibrator?" No, he didn't exactly use that expression. However, his offer was to come to visit, get a room, and not go anywhere because he was (I quote) not coming to see the sights, but to see you. (end quote) So, the implication is that he wants to me spend the weekend with him in his room... What else am I supposed to read into that? He wants to show me the lovely decor of the hotel room? He wants to *talk* for three days? Or, maybe he's just *really* bored over in VA and wants to spend a few days in a strange room in the middle of nowhere where he doesn't know anyone... Yeah, that could be it. Ah, it's not gonna happen anyway 'cause I told him it wouldn't be a good idea. It just caught me by surprise. edited for grammar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve@3AM Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Quote: "No, he didn't exactly use that expression. However, his offer was to come to visit, get a room, and not go anywhere because he was (I quote) not coming to see the sights, but to see you. (end quote)" Ummm Guess that throws my prior "hypothesis" out the window! I think maybe I'm overly sensitive to things that seem to categorize guys (even though it seems a lot of guys live up to it! ) I kind of think that both sexes are pretty dumb about their opposites - but neither will admit it! Hope things work out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Steve, I don't like generalizations, either---and I think lots of men are kind and considerate. I just answered on this thread because Patheral has been through a very traumatic time and I would have thought the guy would have a little consideration and understand that she's going to be gun-shy for a while. Now that she has explained that he wanted to get a room and "spend time with her," I think he's a selfish, creepy jerk. She needs friendship and support at this point, not a naughty weekend in a hotel room. sheesh But I don't paint all men with the same brush. There are jerks and there are men who have been good friends as loyal as my female friends. It will always be a dance because you guys have two left feet and we have two right feet. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenbean Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 It will always be a dance because you guys have two left feet and we have two right feet. amen, but ain't it fun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted December 20, 2007 Author Share Posted December 20, 2007 Okay, I drove back to VA because I'm crazy, and my daughter said she'd rescued some stuff out of my apartment, including my meds, and it would take forever for her to get to a post office. So, since I have time to kill and sitting around it driving me crazy(er), I borrowed the person I'm staying with's car and drove to VA - it's a two day drive. Turns out my daughter *didn't* find my meds, only an old bottle of 25mg Topamax with four pills in it... so the trip was a bust. I did get some of my books and things though - but my madness took most of the important stuff, including my papers (tax records, kid's medical records, old bank statements, everything I've ever written - all of it was in one box), and my meds. Anyway, while I was in VA, I stopped to see my old boss to ascertain what his intentions were, because Steve@3AM might be right, maybe I was reading too much into it. Remember, I'd just spent two days on the road, and I was also an emotional wreck after going through the mess that remained of the apartment and picking through what was left. For some reason, I had the idea that he might be a little supportive. And he was - for a minute - then he started trying to make out with me in his office. I thought he was just giving me a hug at first, but jeez, that didn't last long... He did stop when I told him to, and after I broke out in tears. Then he said something along the lines of I need to find a man to marry - who would "take care of me" forever. *sigh* I dunno, I think he's all mixed up inside too. He still wants to come visit. Even after I refused his advances and rejected his invitation to stay the night at his place instead of heading back. I can't say I'm not interested in him completely... but I told him to give me time to get my head together before I go leaping into something I'm not ready for. I do want to note that this guy is the first person I *wanted* to go to when things when bad between me and the madness. I didn't go to him because I feared that the madness would put a bullet in him if he found out - because he's male and not white (he's Indian). He was a little upset with me that I didn't come to him when things went wrong, and now I'm not in VA anymore and have no intention of coming back. Why does life have to be so confusing all at once? I mean jeez. I can handle things if they come at me one at a time, but when everything lands on me at the same time, it's just too much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve@3AM Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Well , so much for giving me credit for possibly being right about something! Sorry I wasn't! I suspect he really didn't mean ill - like some guys (& women in their own way) do. Just another guy without a clue. (Maybe I was just identifying with THAT! Or maybe I'm just totally wrong - again! ) When you say "your madness" took most of the important stuff - did you mean the 'ex'? Or did you mean you had destroyed it? I'm confused (which is normal!) but I feel like I shouldn't be and that I've missed something. Sorry again that things are still unresolved for you. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resonance Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Gah! I suppose at least you don't have to wonder about his true intentions... It can be upsetting to go to someone when you most need them, only to find out that they've confused supporting you with taking that you don't want to give and expecting you to appreciate it. For what it's worth, it sounds like you had a good idea of what would actually be good for you, and stuck to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted December 22, 2007 Author Share Posted December 22, 2007 Well , so much for giving me credit for possibly being right about something! Sorry I wasn't! I suspect he really didn't mean ill - like some guys (& women in their own way) do. Just another guy without a clue. (Maybe I was just identifying with THAT! Or maybe I'm just totally wrong - again! ) Yeah, I think you're right, he's just another guy without a clue. He did call to apologize for "being greedy." hahaha! When you say "your madness" took most of the important stuff - did you mean the 'ex'? Or did you mean you had destroyed it? I'm confused (which is normal!) but I feel like I shouldn't be and that I've missed something. Yeah, my madness is what I called the ex... I'm trying to get away from that nickname, but it's so appropriate for him. It's how I've referred to him in all my posts, so I assumed that everyone would know who that was. Sorry for the confusion. BTW, he emailed me and informed me that he "saved" my important stuff for me "two truckloads," he said. He has it "in storage" at his parents' place. He wants me to let him send it to me, or he wants me to come get it - it's unclear what he really wants. He claims that I never told him to let my daughter have it. He claims that he only had "one day to save it" before the police came to kick him out. He says that he cared where I didn't (because I left it behind), but one day I will, so he saved it. He claims to have paid off the "back rent" (meaning the rent he accrued when he stayed behind in the apartment instead of leaving after I did) so that it wouldn't go on my credit report. The office didn't mention that when I went there on Monday. He also claims to have given my daughter $100 the last time she went over there, a fact she never mentioned. She wouldn't, even if he had, because she thinks I'd want it. I know he's delusional, but there are too many facts mixed up with his fiction to know what's real and what's not. I can't really trust my daughter to get my stuff from him (remember, she thought that four pills was a full bottle of medicine), and I just don't know what to do at this point. It's so hard not to answer him when he still has my stuff. I want it, but I don't want it because I don't know how to get it from him. I was willing to write it off as a loss when I left, but it's just outside of my reach, and so tempting... Wow, I just jacked my own thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve@3AM Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 I know it's not the same, but (not going into all the circumstances) my little brother ended up with a lot of stuff that was very important to me from my parents stuff. He claimed to "put it in storage" but he flaked out and it was never seen again. Maybe you can somehow - with minimal contact with the ex - arrange to pick stuff up. Then show up with several friends and the police? Show them the e-mail so it's clear he has "your" stuff. Then go in and take it back. He would still not know where you were and this would avoid having to actually confront him without "support". I don't know. You've probably thought of all this. I just think it's important to somehow deal with this and get your stuff back and not feel like it - and therefore YOU - were being held hostage. EVEN IF other issues could be resolved, this stuff hanging over the process seems like a major interference. Not much help, but maybe, like xmas presents, "it's the thought that counts" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.