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i feel like i bore people or they think i'm too wierd to deal with.How messed up is it to talk to an audience that isn't there,ranting and doing social commentary ? i am only happy painting or building things and when i attempt to be ,social snappy patter,small talk and being pleasantly polite freaks me out.

  Does anyone else feel like they are looking thru the window into a party ?

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i'm in the bushes, and they're prickly, and the food looks good, but all the laughter looks scary and the people are making weird gestures and consuming a lot of alcohol and i think they look angry. if i went in, the party would stop and i would turn red.

i'm with you. let's go paint all the boring concrete with our imaginations.

kk

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I feel lonlier with people than I do when I am alone.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have always felt this way as far back as I can remember. I much prefer my own company to that of others. Of course, social situations are scary so I suppose this makes sense.

Erika

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I can cope with it for a while, then I'm exhausted.  I'm very isolated at my job so that isn't much of a problem.  Both my husband and I are pretty anti-social, so it's not like anyone drops by the house.  The tough part is riding to and from work in the van pool.  A lot of days I just close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep.  Sometimes one of them will make a real asinine remark about MI, or some other realm they have never experienced, but have somehow become experts at!  I can feel my blood pressure rise and all I want to do is get home and lock the door.

You mention that you feel like you bore people.  Have you ever had them start a new conversation in the middle of one of your sentences that you just worked up the guts to say?

The party thing you talked about.  For me it's watching other people standing around a campfire laughing and you are watching from the woods knowing you can't get there.

I envy Erika who can be happy in her own company.  I am doing better at that, but there have been times when I felt incredibly freakish and lonely.

Deb

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If life's a party, I'm sitting in the kitchen picking at the guacamole dip and looking at my watch, wondering if I could surreptitiously duck out without offending the hosts.

I envy Erika who can be happy in her own company.  I am doing better at that, but there have been times when I felt incredibly freakish and lonely.

I can relate to that.  It used to be harder for me to spend so much time alone, but I'm getting better at it.  I have moments when I'm overcome with loneliness, though, and they can quickly degenerate into a major depressive episode with all the accompanying "If I weren't such a coward/screw-up/etc. I'd be out there enjoying life" kind of thoughts.

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Lately...I feel like the whole world is looking at me and laughing like they did when I was in high school.  I don't know why I feel like that.  Maybe it's because I live in a small town and I don't dress like everyone else and I always have this look on my face that says "Talk to me and I'll kill you...or just don't look at me, please"  Sometimes though, I try to put on a happy face.  I don't know.  There's just so much going on in my life right now that I just don't want to go out in public anymore.  It's almost like my winter depression is sneaking up on me and I do love being outside in the summer.  Something's definitely not going working right in my mind right now and I hate it.  I feel like everyone is ganging up on me.

I can't help that I'm losing it.  I honestly can't.  I've lost all hope at this point.  I've lost intrest in things like reading and writing, especially my music...I don't want anything to do with my music.  My house is a total pig pen and I know it would only take me a day to clean it, but I just don't care anymore.  I mean I do care, but I don't.  I hurt all the time...ahhh...I'm just complaining again.  Maybe my best friend is right.  I am selfish.

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;) It's nice to know I am not the only one, do you ever wonder if you are being cynical about people (hate this term ) partying so it makes it easier to not be all  dorky and small talk come on ?

  Dancing freaks me out,what do you do with your hands ? do i have to simulate sex ? are people laughing at me ?    Nah I don't dance,it's more fun goofing on the dancers but it gets so boring just goofing.....I am in the bushes too

  So now I don't go out,clubs=lame and now its all about celebritys art shows=lame,I like the art but the people are there for another reason than the art.

Movies ?  doesn't anyone else laff thier ass off or cry ?

If i have an art show I hate it,go outside in the back and smoke ciggeretts,talk to the people ? no way and the social butterflys are the ones who go somewhere in music and art.

  i'm just going to paint myself into a corner and mutter. 

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I can't help that I'm losing it.  I honestly can't.  I've lost all hope at this point.  I've lost intrest in things like reading and writing, especially my music...I don't want anything to do with my music.  My house is a total pig pen and I know it would only take me a day to clean it, but I just don't care anymore.  I mean I do care, but I don't.  I hurt all the time...ahhh...I'm just complaining again.  Maybe my best friend is right.  I am selfish.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way, Elizabeth  ;) I don't know what all transpired between you and your friend that lead to the "selfish" comment, but if you need to talk about it, feel free to PM me.  I know how much I hurt, and obsess, whenever others offer their critique of my behavior (even if they're right, it doesn't hurt any less!).  Sometimes it helps to get an outsider's perspective. 

Hope you feel better soon!

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Sometimes I wonder if they are "faking" it too.  It gets pretty surreal.

Like maybe the more emotionally honest thing to do is admit how difficult socializing is and refuse to play the game?  I think most of the people I've met have been playing a role...maybe it's because I was drawn to them, being little more than an actress myself (only pretending to know who I was and what I felt).  Being here with you all does feel so much more real.

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Scarlet,

I'm sorry to be rude about your friend, but I think she is a person I would want to avoid when you feel like this.  It doesn't help to have people around you with no concept of what you are going through call you names that  aren't justified.  It's just like everything else, it's easy to be an expert if you've never been through it.

As far as losing interest in everything and not being able to clean the house, I've sure been there.  It WILL come back.  It just takes time.

Deb

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For a long time when I was younger my social skills were nil and I certainly had trouble with parties and often just could not deal. As an adolescent, of course, I always felt that everyone wanted me to be someone other than who I was, to the point where I didn't know who I was myself. I spent a lot of time wanting to be social but not daring, or else trying and failing.

Gradually, over the years, I've managed to sort of synthesize some artificial social skills, tho they are not the greatest. The fact is that when I do get on with people, it feels very good. But we're all so complicated. Anyway, on most occasions I can come across as fairly normal. By age 32 or so, I could have a date without a total freakout, tho I might feel agitated or something. But by age 34 I actually had several dates who wanted to see me again.

Since taking Adderall, I feel like my skills have jumped up another level. I seem to be considerably better at picking up social cues. My ex called me "suave" on the first day I went from 5 to 10mg, we made peace after a big argument, and talked for hours. I'm still not Mr. Smooth, especially when keyed up, but I feel like I have more skills. And yesterday I had a very pleasant date, so things continue to look up.

In my opinion, many people, but not all, are fakes. Fortunately, there's plenty of those non-fakers left over, tho everyone has some faults. I think often when we (or at least I) have trouble dealing, it's because of an inability to pick up and respond to subtle social cues, for one reason or another. Or sometimes I grab hold of a topic and beat it to death when everyone else wants to move on.

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Gradually, over the years, I've managed to sort of synthesize some artificial social skills, tho they are not the greatest. The fact is that when I do get on with people, it feels very good. But we're all so complicated. Anyway, on most occasions I can come across as fairly normal.

Yes! I am not AT ALL a natural socializer. So I learned it by copying socially adept people. Decades later I am much more comfortable in social situations than I ever thought possible. I still feel awkward and I still need time to recuperate from being around people. But at least I can do it. The benefit is getting more and better response from people I would like to get to know than would have been possible otherwise. I can make friends!

The trick is to learn how to make the transition from acquaintance to buddy to real friend. Real friends being the people you can trust enough to be able to shed the social mask and be genuine and truthful.

Still learning,

Greeny

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Last year my husband and I took a road trip.  I enjoyed the nature parts of it, rivers, lakes, the ocean, the redwoods. But I noticed that all the towns looked almost exactly the same. Because they all have the same fast food restaurants and businesses. They are just in different locations.

Since everyplace looks pretty much the same, I thought, why travel anymore. If I do, I'm only comfortable at the nature sites anyway. For some reason, this story really resonates with my social phobia.

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For various reasons I have always felt like a freak and people felt the same about me. It has taken a year for my pdoc to stop me from calling myself a freak.

At grad school I was expected to show up at various functions. I would pick a couple of events to attend because I had to be seen. My defense: I always managed to stay in the kitchen, replenishing the snacks and doing dishes to help out the host. Then I would find a way to exit out the backdoor or make my way outside to a small group of people and exit stage right.

I am more comfortable outside with nature I don't have to make chit-chat, which I find meaningless and annoying, and nature doesn't talk back. Well, nature does talk back but I enjoy the solitude of the communication.

Erika

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well, I do not venture out much either. I go to work, go to Dr's apps, go to the grocery store, or occasionally out to eat. But during all of these times I find it extremely hard to talk to anybody. To me people look angry. The grocery store I go to has alot of drunks hanging around, which reminded me of myself almost 13 years ago, no thanks. But what strikes me odd, is I have the feeling that most people are putting on heirs, trying to be something there not. I was labeled shy when I was young, and since I quit drinking drinking 13 years ago, Its much worse as i age. I am seeing a Dr. now so that will be something I will be working on in the next few months, just to see how it feels, haha!!!

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