New to Crazyboards.org

[IHeartAAPs]

Hello all -

This is my first post to crazyboards.org, although I've been lurking for about one month now.

My diagnosis and meds are in my signature. I just got out of the hospital on Friday after a 5 day involuntary commitment.

Still floundering (high moderate mania) because I really needed to come home due to excessive worry about my elderly mother, but I should have stayed at least a few days longer. I've been "bouncing off the walls" manic since my discharge, although I was able to convince the docs that I felt fine.

Now I'm wondering if I made the wrong decision. I could do a med tweak on my own, but I'm just very indecisive about my options at the moment.

I've burned too many bridges and can't get anyone to talk to me on the phone for longer than 20 minutes or so. I don't blame them though.

Sorry for the bummer first post. I just needed to vent somewhere or I'm going to explode.

Thanks to anyone who reads this post.

- Darrell

[resonance]

Welcome! Feel free to ask if you have any questions.

Do you currently have a psychiatrist you can ask for advice about med changes and whether you need to go into the hospital? I'm concerned because you were manic enough for an involuntary commit; are still manic enough that you may need to be committed; misrepresented the severity of your mania to hospital staff in order to get out before you were healthy enough to be released; and are currently considering making changes to your meds without a doctor knowing about it. This sounds like a recipe for disaster, especially if someone else is relying on you to be functional enough to help them. Please consider calling your psychiatrist (or going back to the hospital) and being honest with them about your mental state.

[MiaB]

hi Darrell and welcome

I really must second what resonance said about speaking to your psychiatrist and/or going back into hospital for another few days at least. I completely understand the temptation to adjust your meds yourself - I've btdt - but it's potentially a very dangerous thing to do, particularly if you are not stable at all right now.

You'd also be far more able to cope with your elderly mother if you went through a more substantial time of being evaluated and having your meds checked out.

Keep talking here though as much as you need to - there are some good people around

best wishes,

Mia

[IHeartAAPs]

Thank you very much to both resonance and miab for your objective perspectives.

My objectivity and insight are both quite questionable at this time. Unfortunately, I am unable to contact either my pdoc or my tdoc on weekends since I see them at a city-run health clinic.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place as my mother does not want me to go to the hospital and I really feel that I need to do so.

I am 46 years old so I can certainly do whatever I wish, but guilt from a parent can be paralyzing.

However, I'm so speedy, irritable and agitated that I don't believe staying at home is a wise choice. I also have an ongoing delusion that I am aware of but just cannot shake and my med dosages are too low to help.

I'm really not feeling well at all. I think I'll call right now.

Thanks to both resonance and miab for responding.

- Darrell

[dangergirl]

Hi Darrell,

I agree with everyone else's advice and understand parental guilt all too well (I'm Italian )...would it be possible to do outpatient work instead of a full on inpatient commit? Either way, you need to get back to those docs and get the help you need bc you'll be of no use to your mother if you're ill.

[usernametaken]

welcome,

concerned. I came home probably a little too early for where i was at cognatively in the mania. like you said, you'll call pdoc, right?

lots of cleaning, lots of running, AAP knock-out til you sleep 1/2 the day is what finally helped me, but this will be a lot to deal with. burned bridges suck when people just don't understand

communication with pdoc super important though!!!!

[SunshineOutside]

I'm so glad that you found us. Welcome. This place can be healing with many people being able to understand where you are coming from.

I'm glad to know that you decided to call someone. If you've burned some bridges in the mental health care community I suggest that over time that you

try to make amends. You will need them. I suggest that you do this after consulting with a therapist about this first. The mental care staff will probably be

understanding. Or did you mean friends? All of mine (and my fucked up family too) ran away too at first. Most came back later but they have never been

able to really understand. I've accepted that. Which brings me to your mother. I'm guessing that she doesn't understand that it is most important that you

get as well as you can before going home. Be honest with your care team. Otherwise, you won't be confident that you are receiving care tailored to YOUR

illness. I think everything has been said. We want you to feel as peaceful and well as you possible can. We'd like to hear more from you. Please post and

let us know how you are doing. K?

SO

[IHeartAAPs]

Thanks so much to all who welcomed me to the board and posted spot-on advice.

I was not able to get in touch with my doctor on Sunday but already had an appointment with my therapist on Monday (which I kept) and then saw my doc today. Meds were changed (Tegretol doubled, Seroquel upped 100mg) today.

On Sunday though, I decided to go to the ER of one of the local hospitals after speaking with the local crisis help line. I was given Haldol and Ativan (don't know the dosage of either and was too whacked out to even care), which dropped me PDQ and was able to go home later that evening (mother drove).

I am feeling infinitely better (not high, not low, reasonably balanced) and I thank everyone who cared enough to post.

[resonance]

I'm glad that you decided to go and are feeling better. Thanks for checking back in...

[goldfinch]

Just wanted to say welcome, even though I've not been here very long either and don't post very often. You sound like a good guy - I like a guy who wants to take care of his mother. I don't have any advice for you because I'm not the most stable person around right now, but I'm glad you're feeling better.

[meg]

hey darrell,

wishing you a late but heartfelt welcome-- I'm always the person who sends belated birthday cards, why not be the belated welcometoCB person, right?

I'm so glad that you were able to take care of yourself and that you thought to ask for help figuring out your options-- these people are great- not afraid to share a story or just listen, or give you a firm but needed kickinthepants to take care of yourself. I think almost all of us have called upon eachother for a kickinthepants at least once, I've certainly needed a few and have not been dissapointed. (there are some strong-willed-legs around here!)

anyway, am doing the tired-babble thing, just wanted to say hi and I'm glad you're feeling better,

keep on posting, I hope those med changes continue to work out for you-

luck,

meg

[IHeartAAPs]

Thanks again to all who responded to my post. Your kind welcome and "kick in the pants" advice makes me feel so much better. Sometimes you just need objective input in order to get back on track.

I'll try to post again when I feel more centered. I'm not sure that I have anything to add as so many people on the board are already extremely knowledgeable and I feel like there isn't much more that I can contribute. I do thank everyone for pointing me in the right direction though and perhaps one day I'll actually have something of value to share.

- Darrell