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I'm not wise or smart enough to say what to believe.  What I have found helpful in times of terrible depression, or mixed mania and depression, or when I'm stable is believing in something.

I believe that I am not my brain, my disorder, or even my personality.  I believe that I am connected to something like the collective consiousness, or someting like that.  I find  peace connecting to that part of me that is not mental illness, my problems, my phobias, my bad spelling, and so on.

When your down, or feeling like giving up, to believe in something good, something more than yourself, to belive that somehow your sufferning has meaning, can give you a ray of sunshine on even the coldest, and darkest of winter days.

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I also believe the same type of thing.  Sometimes I believe that my trials and tribulations are brought on by the fact that I have started to move away from my faith and my spirituality.  This last bought of depression - the deepest it's been in 20 years, I really believe I had to be "taken out at the knees" (so to speak) cause I was in danger of considering divorce and had stepped away from my faith and was angry a lot.  Now I am trying to get back into focus and for once in 18 years can truly say I love my husband and can see what I would have lost.  MI certainly is a good and bad mix for all of us.  Although I am still trying to make my way back out of the "hole", (new med), I can at least see the light at the top.  I wonder though if us MI people ever really truly remain all the way out or if we houver somewhere around the top, either afraid to come up all the way or somehow stuck from our MI.? 

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I am not as eloquent as Tzaddi, forgive me, but I can say that my religion has oriented me to good and bad, what is worthwhile in the world, what I should do, who I am, who other people are (numinous light as the above poster pointed out), what I am doing here, all sorts of useful stuff.  In fact, every useful fact, thing, image, or idea is something I get guidance on from my religion.  Cool. 

That I am MI doesn't change the world.  It just makes me sick and if anything all that much more similar to other people in the world who are suffering. We all suffer.  We're all in this together.  And there is hope.  There is joy. There is purpose and meaning.  Such things soothe the pain of my illness.

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I know there is a God and that I'm not it.  I don't know what he/she/it is but I know that it loves me and I believe I'll meet it face to face when I die.

There are different meanings of depression.  When I speak of depression here I am referring to a medical condition, a disease of the brain.  I don't believe my higherpower invokes illnesses according to my sins.  I'd be dead by now.

I can sit hear and rationally write what i "believe" but have found myself many time emotionally crying out in anger at God for my situation, mainly not understanding if he is all powerful why he let this happen to me.  Hmmmm.

Rhonda

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Thanks Skaz,

That really gave me a different insight to the whole BP thing. I really appreciate you sharing that part of yourself.

Sondra

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Thank you Sondra. ;)

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I'm not wise or smart enough to say what to believe.  ...

When your down, or feeling like giving up, to believe in something good, something more than yourself, to belive that somehow your sufferning has meaning, can give you a ray of sunshine on even the coldest, and darkest of winter days.

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Souns pretty wise and smart to me.  The search for meaning in suffering, and in life in general, is at the root of spirituality.

Cerberus

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Cerberus:  Thank you.

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I'm not wise or smart enough to say what to believe.

That is probably as wise a statement as I have ever heard anyone make.  Maybe if more people throughout history realized they were neither wise nor smart enough, the world would be a far less violent and more tolerant place. 

For many years I rejected all forms of religion and spirituality, because from what I could see, it was nothing more than a justification for ignorance, bigotry, and atrocities of almost unimaginable cruelty.  Any religion that can call war "holy", makes me ask: "what then is not holy?".

It was only about 3 years ago that I finally began to accept that I do have a deep spirituality, one based not on some great teacher, but rather on my own experience of life.  While the mainstream religions have fought to appropriate this, twisting it to their own ends, and Goddess forbid "praying for me", I simply cannot find it in me to respect the view of the world they have presented.

This dualism between crude matter and luminous beings has become very central to my beliefs lately.  As quantum physics has shown, there is no such thing as crude matter, for in reality all is light.  No longer do I only look to the heavens for inspiration.  I have found that the intricate beauty of a leaf or the sublime perfection of tendons and muscles, the body in its entirety (all bodies, not just those we have been told to admire), even my broken brain, are miracles we have not even begun to understand.  This is where I find divinity.  One of my favorite quotes comes from a witch (yes I too follow that path) named Starhawk.  She was giving a lecture somewhere and asked the audience if they would like her to show them the face of god/dess.  Of course they all answered that they would indeed. And so she told them (as best as I can remember): "turn to the person sitting next to you and look at them, look into their eyes and really see them, now you have seen the face of god/dess.". 

This attitude has had a profound effect on me.  The idea that the numinous is all around us if we will only open ourselves without preconceptions and look.  That we are all part of god, goddess, or whatever one calls divine.  That there is no judgement or hierarchy, for everything that exists is an integral part of the whole, a facet of the multidimensional face of that which by definition is beyond our comprehension.  I have had too many experiences to deny that there is more to existence than we can perceive.  I may be entirely wrong and the ugly, cruel, gray world may in truth be all there is, but until I am proven otherwise, I will allow the possibility that magic is both within and all around us.

 

-Tzaddi

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Tzaddi:  I found a deep happiness in what you so well wrote.

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  • 2 months later...

For many years I rejected all forms of religion and spirituality, because from what I could see, it was nothing more than a justification for ignorance, bigotry, and atrocities of almost unimaginable cruelty.  Any religion that can call war "holy", makes me ask: "what then is not holy?".

-Tzaddi

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Don

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