hi, I'm Jenna

[oohshinyobject]

...

[nomi]

Hi, Jenna. I'd say "welcome" but you've been here longer than I have.

I think I may be a synaesthete too, but for me the association is between music and colours. It doesn't interfere with my functioning. I kind of enjoy it.

Pleased to meet you.

[betcsu]

hi jenna! glad you finally posted! dont lose touch, okay? i miss you!

[oohshinyobject]

Hi, Jenna. I'd say "welcome" but you've been here longer than I have.

I think I may be a synaesthete too, but for me the association is between music and colours. It doesn't interfere with my functioning. I kind of enjoy it.

Pleased to meet you.

music -> colors

is a really common one, actually!

i don't have it, but i do have

music -> feeling (temperature)

it's so strange!

[MikeInVa]

Well, I've been a member of these boards for over a year now (though I've never posted here before) so I guess it's time formally introduce myself.

My name is Jenna and I suffer from Bipolar I disorder. I'm usually rapid cycling or in a mixed state. As for psychosis, I experience hallucinations when I'm severely sleep deprived and I also have a history of being delusional, but that was four years ago.

In addition, I have an eating disorder that I've struggled with on and off for the past seven years. I'd say that it's probably at its worst right now. I'm constantly obsessed with food, I count and list every calorie that enters my body, I restrict food, chew and spit it, occasionally binge, and purge through both vomiting and compulsive exercise. My current diagnosis is ED-NOS because I don't meet all the criteria for anorexia or bulimia. I'm currently in recovery now, going to therapy (a combination of individual and family) 2-3 times a week and working the 12-Step Program through Overeaters Anonymous (OA). However, I don't seem to be responding that well to outpatient treatment and may require something more intensive like residential treatment.

I also have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking) which I've been dealing with for the past nine years. Most of my rituals are revolved around an obsession with perfection and certain numbers so I'm always organizing/cleaning and doing things in certain patterns. But I do some other stuff which significantly interferes with my daily functioning.

Interestingly enough, I also have a neurological condition known as synesthesia (which is not an illness, by any means) and I think my OCD plays a role in it. Basically, my senses get mixed up and cross over. Sometime if things aren't organized correctly, I experience a physical pain so it's a sight -> touch association. I also experience synesthesia in other forms, but that's just one example.

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which I'm really skeptical about, but whatever. I suppose I'm somewhat in denial about it, although I meet all the diagnostic criteria, especially an intense fear of abandonment. The "I hate you, don't leave me" really hits home for me. However, I've always thought of borderline as some sort of bullshit diagnosis for bipolar cutters with eating disorders who dissassociate a lot. This past week, my outpatient therapist explained to me that I've developed a borderline personality as the result of my other disorders. I guess that makes sense. A key part of the borderline personality is not having a sense of self and quite frankly, I really don't know who I am anymore. I used to define myself academically until my mental illness disabled me from functioning in that respect. In high school, I was the computer geek, the runner, the overly ambitious scholar. Now, I'm just, I don't know. I'm an artist, but I don't necessarily define myself in that way. I really have no clue who I am anymore.

I've been hospitalized for suicidal ideation with plan to attempt three times now, the most recent being two weeks ago. I'm currently not in school (had to withdrawal from university three times) or working because of my condition.

If anyone has MySpace and would like to add me, knock yourself out: www.myspace.com/oohshinyobject

And feel free to add me as a friend on LiveJournal where I document my daily struggle with mental illness...oohshinyobject.livejournal.com

((((Jenna))))

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate to deal with right now....then again who among us posting here doesn't?

I've got a myspace page so I can add ya to my friends list if you want.Perhaps I'll take a look at livejournal.com & see what that's all about as well.

[oohshinyobject]

((((Jenna))))

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate to deal with right now....then again who among us posting here doesn't?

I've got a myspace page so I can add ya to my friends list if you want.Perhaps I'll take a look at livejournal.com & see what that's all about as well.

OK cool...I love making new friends...especially support buddies.

[MikeInVa]

((((Jenna))))

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate to deal with right now....then again who among us posting here doesn't?

I've got a myspace page so I can add ya to my friends list if you want.Perhaps I'll take a look at livejournal.com & see what that's all about as well.

OK cool...I love making new friends...especially support buddies.

Did you check your myspace messaging? I sent you a message & friend request last night.I tried signing up for livejournal & it said my username was already taken darn it.

[oohshinyobject]

((((Jenna))))

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate to deal with right now....then again who among us posting here doesn't?

I've got a myspace page so I can add ya to my friends list if you want.Perhaps I'll take a look at livejournal.com & see what that's all about as well.

OK cool...I love making new friends...especially support buddies.

Did you check your myspace messaging? I sent you a message & friend request last night.I tried signing up for livejournal & it said my username was already taken darn it.

yeah, i got your messages.

as for livejournal, you could always create a DIFFERENT username.

[Rabbit37]

However, I've always thought of borderline as some sort of bullshit diagnosis for bipolar cutters with eating disorders who dissassociate a lot.

That cracked me up. I'm BPD as well as BP, I did have a hard time accepting it, and I still struggle with being labeled as such.

A much belated welcome.

[lachesis]

bipolar - a ice pole bear wanting to be a panda bear

ocd - ordering control dammit

Ed - trying out a new name - Edie? (everytthing old is new again)

borderline - having one foot in one country and the other in the neighboring country (who wants to be American, North American, British.....fill in the blank?)

[dangergirl]

Welcome Jenna - thanks for that synesthesia stuff...I went and checked it out - I do that too - sorta, I think - things taste like colors to me- I'll eat something new and say it tastes purple or blue...no one understands me....just add it to the list of craziness...LOL.