angeljo Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Im not sure whats going on, but since last night i feel my self crashing down and hard. I had been doing pretty well lately but now im not, im not ok at all. i know theres good things but they dont seem to matter to me right now, all i can think of is the bad. i just wanna curl up in a dark hole and hide. I want to just make it all go away. i dont care how. Tears of pain fall down my face. An emotional pain i can no longer bear. I can no longer control the tears as they unexpectively fall down my face. Tears of pain, heart break, and broken trust. The small release of pain as i cry is not enough. he pain is so great, never ending. Trying to numb it, But nothing does. Hurting myself, feeling like i need too. Letting other win, time and time again. Running from the pain, but its still there. No longer know, how to help it stop. lost Where am I? What am I doing? It's so dark and scary. Who am I? Who are you? Your here but I don't see you. Do I know you? Do you know me? I wish I knew but I don't. Is everything alright? Where is everyone? I can hear voices, but i dont see anyone. Did I do something wrong? Did someone else do something wrong? Im lost, Im scared, Im lonely. Please? Im scared, lost, and lonely. Please help me. Someone? Anyone? Help! Im so very scared. and alone. Please... just a lil bit about how im feeling.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caillech Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Hi, Sorry you are in such a scary place right now. Do you have anyone IRL that you can talk to? Such as a therapist? They may be able to give you direction on what to do with your feelings and how to handle the pain. Finding healthy coping skills can be a challenge when all you know is dysfunction. Which seems to be your case. If money is a concern, maybe you could find a low cost mental health place to help you. Its good that you are coming here to vent and express your feelings. People will listen to you and respond with caring advice. I hope things get better for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangergirl Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Selene has given you some really good advice...do you have a regular doc or someone that you can share these feelings with? It's so hard when you're down the bottom of the rabbit hole, but if you keep posting here, someone will have some words of wisdom that will start to pull you out...lots of support...I wish I could be that person right now, but all I have are hugs. It's small, but it's what I have to give right now....that and my ear. ((((HUGS)))) I hope that you get some relief from the pain soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeljo Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I saw my therapist and my shrink today, therapist is seeing me again on monday and then once a week instead of every other but its only half hour how can that help? also when i get my tonsils otu i cant go anywhere for a month cuz of my health issues, so mytherapist siad she will come to my house instead, my shrink didnt change anything until after the surgery he said so not seeing him again till march which is longer than ive gone before :/ . i dotn feel like they were really any helptoday. my shrink and therapist both arent happy i cut 3 weeks ago why does that matter now? its been weeks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starfish Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 hi i want you to know that i read and care. i don't have much useful advice, just want to let you know you're not alone in this, and believe me, most of people in here can understand what it's like to be in that hole. So we can lift each other up when we're reaching the bottom. you can pm me anytime if you need to talk or vent take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DustyJr Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Hoping you can cope. I have been at a place where there are just too many issues to deal with. I always called it "the why me" and there is never an answer. It is and that's it, all that I try to do is pretend I am on a convyor belt and go for the ride knowing that there must be a end to it all. Have faith in the doctors, meds, pray and try to think positive in the face of the pain. Oh yeah... and that it could be worse. For some reason that always seems to help. Dusty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeljo Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I cant fight this no more im just istting here in tears, im sorry im so weak and unable to help friends the way i should, i let everyone down and im not the kinda friend i shoudl be, im so sorry for letting everyone down. i just dont have any energy left now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangergirl Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I cant fight this no more im just istting here in tears, im sorry im so weak and unable to help friends the way i should, i let everyone down and im not the kinda friend i shoudl be, im so sorry for letting everyone down. i just dont have any energy left now. You know, it's funny....there really are no rules about what a friend is "supposed' to be....and real friends don't put bounds on that...sometimes you need more and sometimes you give more...and sometimes those periods last years where you're the needy one...and when someone loves and accepts you as you are, that's when you can call them a true friend. I've heard and read it many times that if you have 5 true friends in your life, you are one of the lucky few. I hope you're not apologizing to us...I don't think anyone here has asked for anything from you...I might be wrong about that...I hope you can keep coming here and writing about how you're feeling...we'll keep listening. No apologies needed. Here's some more hugs in the meantime ((((HUGS))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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