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No longer in recovery...


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So.. i'm no longer "in recovery"...  ;)   ... and i feel like such a loser i can barely hold back tears... why? because i can't work on SI and ED at the same time... great.. i've gone 6 whole days without SI... but am I really doing myself any good? how long will it last? will I end up in inpatient treatment? is my ED violating my stipulation with the courts and can I get commited? i'm so scared... why now? i hate myself... ugh... lets just die now. :)

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I know it's so very hard to work on SI and an ED at the same time, Kaylani.  They're both things we ostensibly "control," and they're both ways in which we harm ourselves.  Nonetheless, as long as you're alive, there's hope.  You can beat both of them.  Today's another day, with another new chance every minute.  You can do this. 

Every day you work on recovery is a day you're getting better.  It takes time to figure out everything that doesn't work for you.  As long as you're trying to find the way out of SI and ED, you are doing yourself good.  Keep trying, Kaylani.  Keep living.  As long as you do these things, you're headed in the right direction. 

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