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Um, hello all. I'm new here, but not so new. I've been reading for a while. Sometimes it makes me feel better.

My story in brief:

I was pretty much fine, no major issues out of the norm until my little brother killed himself just a little over a year ago now. Total shock to the whole family, nobody even knew anything was wrong. I really wish he had said something, but *shrug* what can you do now? Anyway, I spent the rest of that semester sick and sad and out of it, and I withdrew. Went back next semester only to do the same thing after a guy hit my car during a blizzard. Ending up moving back "home" to a state where I've never really lived, and haven't really managed to make any friends here, probably due to a myriad of good and bad reasons. Have a job (rather had, up until about a week ago), pretty much I just go to work and try to figure out what's going on so I can get on with my life. Anyway, that's not going well. I don't sleep, barely eat, fight with my closest friends over what they think my problem is (I don't know who's right), and lately I just stopped going in to work so I could stay home and cry.

Hopefully the worries start to end here. My very first appointment with a therapist ever is tomorrow. This has been going on long enough that I do want to do something about it, whatever *it* is.

You probably won't hear from me a lot (I don't talk much), but hello again and thanks for listening.

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Welcome! I am very sorry for your loss. I could not imagine going through that and admit that I would probably be doing what you are. I am glad that you will be seeing a therapist. That is a good idea. Best of luck with that! And I understand if we will not hear from you much. I am not a big talker, either ;)

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Grief can be a strange thing. Can't say I understand the ins and outs. I'm too self absorbed, I think, to really understand others. (sometimes I think that, anyway.) But just from what I've read. Even when on the surface you can't see it there are so many ties to the past and to guilt and all sorts of stuff.

Glad you're wise enough to seek therapy. I hope you find something that clicks with - I suspect - your own insight and that you can get back on your path.

Take care.

(and I'm very sorry for what happened with your brother. Do you have any feelings after the fact about why? Do you think any of those things apply to you, too? Maybe are part of your current feelings? Not saying, just asking.)

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