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I am getting weird thoughts again. My thoughts change over time. My main problem has been thought insertion. Not voices because they are not audible. I am thankful for that. Just very powerful thoughts from an outside source. This time it isn't the aliens. They went away and I am happy for that. I started getting thought insertion over the last 2 days and it scares me. I think I am in a period of more stress because my mom and brother are going in for surgery on February 8th. It is the lap band surgery. Because of that I think that something bad is going to happen to them, especially mom because during the last few surgeries, she almost died. My brother has never had a real surgery before other than taking his tonsils out. My thoughts are getting weird again but I still think I am normal, just a little stressed out. The thought insertion is telling me that I killed a lot of people across the country. The family members of the apparent crime is threatening revenge. Also on top of that, the FBI and CIA is after me (but they are after everyone on the planet) for doing the imaginary crime. See, I don't believe the thoughts of me killing people. How can I travel throughout the country anyways, I can't drive or anything like that and have been around people the whole time. So I think they are accusing the wrong person. The government has been after me forever anyways and I am used to that. They tell me there are hidden cameras everywhere I go including the car, my house, and other places. They also have a tracking device inside of me and it gives my location and even my thoughts to the FBI and CIA. If I have an "evil" thought then they might think that is evidence against me. I didn't do anything wrong. I never committed any crime. I don't know what to do. What do I do about this? I take meds already. All they do is take away the hallucinations that I had a few years ago and they also help with my speech problems. Sometimes I get disorganized but I am not like that now, obviously. The other thing the lovely pills have done is make me gain 80 pounds in the past year or so. I rather be severely psychotic than morbidly obese. If you had a choice of being crazy or being fat, which one would you choose? I am on a very low dose of Geodon (that is NOT the one that is putting on all the weight, it is the pills from the past. I have been on almost every psych pill on the planet!) so on Monday when I see my psychiatrist again I will ask him to raise it and explain about the anxiety. So, is this just anxiety that is causing this? Or is it more serious like psychosis? I don't think it is a delusion so I don't think it is actual psychosis. Just remember I am sane. So, please help! I know you all are tired of my unusual thoughts. I am tired of them but they come to me for some odd reason. So, that is all I can think of at this moment.

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Hi Firebird!

Rest assured that you DID NOT kill anyone, and the federal authorities are NOT spying on you or tracking you.

To use the correct terms, these are delusions and are a type of psychosis.

But don't be scared. The fact that you can recognize them as being untrue means that you have not had a complete break with reality.

Again, you are correct that severe stress can effect our stability. Having both your mother and brother undergoing surgery would be stressful for anyone.

** Now, it's very important that you be honest with your psychiatrist and tell him about these intrusive thoughts and about the stress you are under. He may want to adjust your medication dosage. Remember, you don't have to suffer with these sorts of thoughts, the medications can help silence them.

Crazy vs. heavy? I'll take the meds and stability anyday. I weigh more than I ever thought I could, but I'll take the meds to avoid the torment of uncontrolled madness.

Best wishes for your mom and brother, a.m.

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