rzettler Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Hey all, Does anyone else go through periods where their MI feels like the biggest part of them? I was in partial remission for a few years prior to last summer. I had swings, but I could manage them. I could spot my warning signs and react in time to avoid anything too drastic. I could struggle through depression without missing work, and going hypo was, frankly, fantastic. Then I started getting mixed states. I have absolutely no idea of how to handle them. I never used to get them. At least, not very bad ones. All those worst sides of both states swirl together and bounce around in my head until I can't take it anymore. I've missed almost half of my shifts at work this month (with acceptable excuses so far), and my friends and coworkers are taking notice (although the friends that actually know what's going on with me are all pretending nothing is wrong). I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about, but this is still pretty new for me. Even before the partial remission, when I was swinging hard and fast, I was always one or the other. I'm new to these boards, so I apologize if I'm getting longwinded with the backstory. My point here is: during the last few, relatively peaceful years, I've kind of put my MI on the back burner. I was always aware of my condition, but it wasn't a central theme. It was more like a food allergy to me. I was constantly checking labels, and inspecting what I ate, but it was never who I was. It is who I am right now. It feels like the disease took over. I'm somewhere in the back of my head, watching this thing control all of my actions and all of my words. It is the first thing I have to consider when I try to make any choices at all. Does this happen to any of you? Has anyone felt like they've changed from a person with bipolar disorder, and become bipolar disorder inhabiting a shell? I feel like it is the only thing people can see in me right now. Like this is what I really am, and the rest is just dressing. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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