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Why is it that even though I know they cause cancer, and are so absolutely horrific for my health in so many ways I STILL want to smoke them?

Why is it that even though I quit for almost a year I have now gone back to it again?

Why is it that even though they have been proven to increase heart rate and are a picker-upper etc, etc. it still feels as though they calm me down?

Damn addictive sticks.

It really and truly perplexes me to think about it. I know logically how stupid it is, and I realize that I shouldn't be smoking and pretty much don't want too but I do it anyways always with the though that I can quit soon and it won't hurt me if I only smoke a little and stop after a while. But I KNOW this isn't true. But I still do it.

WHY?

*ponders*

I think I'll go out for a smoke now....

HA HA. 

;)

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WHY?

Echo, it is a plot by the cigarette manufacturers, it has nothing to do with our willpower or anything. Ha, ha.  That is what I tell myself when I become frustrated with my lack of willpower.  I am even on Wellbutrin and smoking heavily. I feel like a real loser. A smoking loser! Sulu

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I am in non-smoker mode right now.  My new wife is allergic.  I have quit twice before, once for 4 years and  once for 6 years.  When I was in a military intelligence (Yeah, I know, its an oxymoron) unit, everyone smoked.  We even had a medical journal article on the bulletin board that said smoking caused an 8 point increase in IQ while the nicotine was active.

Tommy

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;)

damn cigarette makers!

but I do chose to smoke right now! I quit for over 5 years and picked it up again. Just like that--was talking with a co-worker who was smoking and asked for one. He refused, saying it would make me start again. Told him it would not...and just to prove he was right I stopped on the way home and bought a pack. Now understand this was just to give him the pleasure of saying, "I told you so."

Haven't smoked in my house for many years. Yep, through rain, sleet, thunderstorms, etc. I'm still sitting outside puffing away. And the Wellbutrin hasn't made an iota of difference in my cravings.

Oh well...

spike

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Oh cigarettes, how I love you. and hate you. Over the years I have given up booze, pot, and cocaine...cigarettes are all I have left. Sounds totally wrong, I know. I know i am smoking my way to an early death. Also, I would like to start a family in a couple of years. I want to be smoke-free when I get pregnant.

But. I can't seem to quit. Attempts made at quitting sent me over the edge of anxiety. Now even thinking about quitting makes me uncomfortable. i keep thinking that i will quit when I am more stable...but I'm not sure what i think that means. Anyone around here in the crazy tent have ideas or suggestions on what helped them quit? I am guessing that some of you have quit in spite of being MI.

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Echo,

I so understand what you mean.  I hate smoking, yet I smoke.  I want to quit and I have no will power to do it.  I have been so stressed out lately that if I don't smoke or have any cigarettes I become the meanest bitch there ever was/is.

So, what to do?  I don't know.  I have asked my doctors time after time to help me.  I haven't gotten the help.  I know my insurance won't help with patches and I think now it won't even help with something like Welbutrin...which did help me quit a few years ago until the anxiety attacks hit me and I started smoking again.

*sighs*  Evil cigarettes...yes, I know they'll probably kill me before my kidneys do, but I still keep lighting them and smoking them

Elizabeth

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Spinach Pie:

When the big tobacco companies paid out their settlements, some states used the money for "Quit" programs.  Check with the local hospital or health department.  My hospital has a program with trained addiction counselors and that's the only reason I could do it--professional help!

(I smoked for longer than you've been alive....ahem)

This program also pays for 6 weeks of nicotine patches.

I can tell you (and so can Her Tommy) that , like any addiction, you will never be free of them.  You have to tell yourself every day that it's over, done, you can't have one.

This was my 12th or 13th or 15th attempt to quit.

I am a lazy, overweight, out-of-shape piece of depressed protoplasm.....but nicotine-free.

olga

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Why is it that even though they have been proven to increase heart rate and are a picker-upper etc, etc. it still feels as though they calm me down?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Echo,

If I remember my lesson on nicotnic receptors correctly this is exactly what happens with cigarettes. At first, people smoke because it does give them a pick-me-up. But after you have been smoking a while you get the calming effect. Nevertheless, after you smoke a cigarette your blood pressure usually does increase for a short time afterward.

As a pick-me-up to help jump start my tired ADD brain, I smoke. Too calm me down when I am anxious or otherwise hyped-up, I smoke. I have quit before but I always start again. I was on Wellbutrin for years and it had no effect on my smoking.

On my present meds I am more stable than I have been in a long time, I am also smoking more than I ever have.

Erika

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Guest Guest

Goodness, we all have such similar experiences!

Imagine this; yesterday I was standing outside work having a cigarette and I was thinking to myself *god, this tastes awful, I don't even want to be smoking this* but what did I do? I continued to smoke the entire damn thing.  ;)

Maybe that's also due to the fact that I was forced to buy a brand I don't enjoy at all because they didn't have my brand. :) But never the less, how stupid!!

Erika - Isn't it funny how it seems that smokes can be so multi-purpose? They can be a pick-me-up, a calm-me -down, a social gift (who else notices conversations with people whether close or not tend to be SO much better and more memorable when you're discussing whatever over a cigarette?), etc.

How odd.

Elizabeth - What do you do? I don't know either. If you REALLY want to stop (and have some extra money to spare) I hear hypnosis is really good. My mother tried it and after just one session (you're supposed to have around 3) she was not crazing them at all.

The issue for me I think is that not only is it the craving in my body but just the act of smoking appeals to me. Does that make sense? Ha.

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Guest luli2545

Hi,

This is a great topic, thanks for writing about it.

Echo, how long has your mom been off them ... you said she had hypnosis?

Olga, how long have you been off them?

Some people have hobbies and stuff; well, I smoke.

I quit for five years once, and one year twice. My last attempt was a month in February 2005. And there's a lot of $$ from public health & gov.t sponsoring programs... the one I've gone to a lot lets people just keep coming back... even though they structure it through about 7 or 8 groups. It's just that I hate the idea that I failed (in March) and having to go back to the classes... drive to the Univ. park in the horribly crowded hospital structure (where people smoke right by the doors to the hospital).... and then walk ab out two miles through the place to find the goddam room which keeps changing... yes, the class leader is an addiction specialist and we breathed into a CO2 thing... or maybe it was carbon monoxide...

anyhow, I think the smoking, and hating myself for doing it, yet doing it, is part of my depression, it's something I guess I beat myself up for ... reminds me of years ago when I drank wine at night and would wake up with self loathing.

It's like, well world, if things are crappy then who cares? My old tdoc said that my smoking was sort of like having one foot in the going forward ok mode and one foot in the let's die mode...

The patch does ease things. Also new product sort of: a lozenge, instead of the yukky gum.

It's not the quitting, it's the staying quit by doing other things that is the hardest for me, and my brain just, after quitting, will slip into the "well, one won't hurt!"

Two times I've restarted by swiping butts out of ashtrays, yech, isn't that dirty? So of course, buying my own was like MUCH CLEANER so I did that...

It's pretty bad,

Luli2545

I want to be a non smoker

I want to live

I don't know how to live

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I LOVE SMOKING!!! :) But I am on my 4th day clean.  Dammit.  I quit when I found out I was pregnant and stayed quit for 5 years.  Started again the day I left my drunken husband!!! ;) Anyhow, although the Wellbutrin made me want to kill everyone in my path and increased my depression tenfold, it did help with the cravings.  Although I stopped taking it day 2.  Wish me luck!!! :P

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congrats Pixie on your 4th day!  It takes a lot of willpower and strength.... you should be really proud of yourself....

and, yeah, what everyone else said... I don't want to smoke, but I do.  I know  it's bad, yet I do it anyway..... i pretty much agree with most of the things people have already said, so i'm not going to repeat *everything*

I have tried quiting, but whenever I get stressed or something, I go back to it.  I also go back to it when I feel like doing something.... self-destructive.... to *try* to let it pass or something like that (even though it doesnt always work....

...and I sing, which is really bad.  damn you cigs!

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Luli:

It's been a year and a half.  Most days I still want one, but I don't want to quit again.

Also, my counselor told me to buy myself a present.  If I smoked again, I have to throw away the present.  And I usually keep promises....so I bought my laptop.  If I smoke again, I can't come to Crazyboards!

olga

PS  Good going, Pixie!  I wish I had quit when I was young...

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I've been an on-again, off-again smoker since I was 14 (I'm only not-quite 21 now). 

Right now I'm coming off the tail end of an "on" phase... but I'm going to be at my parents' house for the month of August and my family makes me feel shitty for smoking, so I really try not to do it while I'm there.

I don't realize my own mortality.  I mean, I'm still in that young and invincible stage.  I keep telling people that "if I live long enough to die of lung cancer, I'll consider it a good run."  But secretly I'm scared I'm going to get to 50 or 60 and finally think life is good, only to be bitten in the ass by my smoking.

It's actually fairly easy for me to quit- I pick it up and drop it a couple times each year... which makes me feel even stupider, because I don't even have the "addiction" excuse.  I just do it because I like it.  Stuuuuupid.

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Guest luli2545

Pixie that is so great. Your fourth day! and soon onto your fifth! can't recall if you said you're using the patch or what... but that's great!

I recall the end of one year of abstinence...being ignored by DH, knowing the marriage was going down the tubes, a fight with my then teenage son who was smoking... I was just floored, mad, whatever, snapping the rubberband on my wrist, parking the van, then driving it quickly to buy smokes....

sometime in there after 4 days off smokes, being mad again, going to the garage to phone my sister and bitching/crying about life, and I lit up... the 4th day blues....4th day is hard, nicotine is gone if yuou aren't on the patch, even if you ar on the patch it's still a bitch point...so you go girl, just do it!

And I'm definitely in the mortal phase of life, having smoked longer in toto than some of you have been living....it's got deadlier overtones now...

Congratulations Olga! If I were you, I'd be so glad to have one less thing to get all depressed about, to hate myself for...

I'm just back from vipassana mediation group, such love there, if I could just be with them all the time and meditating I surely wouldn't need stuff like effexor, wellbutrin, ativan, whatever the hell I've been on. 

Thanks for posting. 

to prepare for quitting I'll buy 2 boxes of the strrong patches, get box of nikky gum and nikky lozenges; I'll have gotten my carrot sticks, emery board, good tea types, been to the gym at least twice to know I can do it....read all my stuff from the smoke stoppers class...and maybe go back to the cold feeling room of the smoke stoppers group on tuesday nights and just quit. I'll make appt. with the addiction lady there, google ways to renew my alvioli....do schiatsu body work.....just make this a list for my wall, get it going, and do it. Get massage etc.

Olga is it irony or what, your present was a laptop! What a great present! Mine would be massages once I'd stopped paying for the patches...and oh yes, if I get too wiggy (patches don't replace enough nicotine...) I'll pop a .5 ativan if I need to.  I'd go without patch but I think the addiction needs tender detoxing...

Congratulations, Olga! Your alvioli thank you! And good luck Pixie!

Here's what I was going to write about before. 

Between 3 to 5 weeks off smokes, even with the patch, I'd get almost a week of early morning despair, really total. So does my brother who's been off them several years now...I'd cry, call my friend, cry cry cry... This happened every time I quit. That's a major fear and a worrisome problem since if the despair is so bad, I could scare myself back into smoking or into the place for us mentally interesting people.

Talked to pdoc about it: the pdoc said dopamine, dopamine, dopamine....(I think I read a statistic that about 70 to 80 % schizophrenics smoke.... and my cousin died of heart stuff from smoking, she was 52...perpetually dosed in the sixties, seventies and eighties with whatever experimental antipsychotic meds generously provided by her community mental health system...she DIED of schizophrenia, she DIED from smoking, my uncle had had sex with her early on...she DIED from him too)

Anyhow, it's the dopamine that's the payoff, I think...and I worry for myself that indeed it could be that I'm a dopamine junkie...so would anyone know if there's some dopamine thing I could use to keep me off the shit? Off the cigarets? Surely some newly identified amino acid supplement, or something made by the big. pharms targets dopamine? Anyone know about this?

Anyhow, this is important.

Thanks for reading,

Luli2545

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Morning, Gang!  Day 5 now!  Woo hoo!  I WANNA SMOKE!!! BF still smokes - in fact I can't wait for him to light up so I can smell it!!!  YUMMY!  What's really funny is that smoking was never so enjoyable or great as when you can't do it! ;)

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Pixie:

Don't do it!  You know how everybody says "it's the depression talking, not you.."?

Well, this is the nicotine talking.  Ole Devil Nicotine is working his evil mojo on you.

Smoke still smells good to me, too.  I'm told this will go away.

Keep trying!  Come to my thread and say hi!

olga

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OK Smokers Listen Up, Here is the key:

  You just gotta have something you want more than a cigarette. That's it, just that simple. And when you reach for that smoke, you remind yourself of your "something else"

  Pack a dayer - Camel Straights - 18 years. Quit = 6 years. Started again on and off =2 years. Quit now 3 years. Like Olga, I don't want to quit again. This last time was hard. But it is so nice to have that monkey off my back.

  Plus in this state you can't smoke anywhere. The bars, the restaurants, and it rains like hell most of the time. So - forget about it.  AND - they are $$$

  Yeah - no more - remember find something you want more, like a healthy baby. ;)

Breeze

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Exactly, Breeze!  The best time way to quit is to get pregnant!!!  LOL!  Seriously tho, I quit for 5 years when I found out I was pregnant.  My brain was too busy thinking/worrying about baby stuff to think about not smoking!!

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:)       i live on cigaretts,coffee and sugar .

  it is so lame because these are 3 legal drugs that are so stupid but i keep doing it because i feel that i have to abuse myself some way.....DUH ! over the years the tobacco habit goes up and down depending on stress and we know damn well it doesn't help.

    the stop smoking drugs don't mix with M.A.O. inhibitors Jeez the damn things cost so much and i am the only person it seems in L.A. that smokes still.I do it as a hand thing and don't suck them down to the filter,sometimes they just sit and burn like incence but i am strung out.

      I used to detox on the weekends but can't do it anymore.

  Has anyone had luck with hypno therapy ? i don't even want to guit but do the math,a cigarette habit costs huge money now,as much as therapy even.......i gotta quit,what a dumb habbit. ;)

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;) I love smoking; have no intentions to quit.  Started "late" in life (in my late twenties, as compared to my sister for example, who is now 43 and started when she was 13).

This is completely contrary to what my lungs are telling me - had two episodes of severe bronchitis between Oct 04 and March 05, second one turned into pneumonia, a hospital stay and a collapsed lobe in my right lung...  :)   .. but yeah, I'm still at it.

In one of my inpatient rehabs (there have been several) (and there your cigarette consumption really goes through the roof; we all lived for smoke breaks) I remember someone in group asking if he could be helped with quitting smoking as well as alcohol.  The counsellor just looked at him, then said that as she, all the doctors, all the therapists and the admin staff there smoked, she didn't think she could help... heh

Seriously, they told us not to consider quitting nicotine until we were at least a year clean from our substance of choice.  Good/bad advice? I don't know.

But I still enjoy it.

sigh* (or should that be *wheeze*?)

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I LOVE to smoke and hate it. I've developed chronic bronchitis from it and have been hospitalized with pnuemonia once. I was doing some heavy-duty self damage at the time with cigs+etc, but even now with just the cigs and nothing else I still cough up lovely mucus every day. I wheeze, can't hardly exercise, my fingers are stained yellow, and I spend at least $6 a day on cigs (theyr'e still only around 3 a pack here for camel turkish golds yummm). But, despite all the problems it causes me I still smoke like a fiend. I know it has alot to do with it being the my only addiciton that I let myself indulge in. I smoke, I enjoy it, and I don't plan on quitting anytime soon. I'll think about, go for a couple of hours without, then change my mind. Anyway, just my 2 cents on the subject.

Oh yea, I hated LA for the fact that no one smokes. When I was there I got dirty looks from people on the street, and almost got kicked out of Disneyland because I wasn't in one of their designated smoking areas. Big difference from here where like 1 in 4 is puffing away about everywhere you go.

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  • 1 month later...

Smoking... Yeah, another monkey on my back. Quit cold turkey two years ago, without too much difficulty, but now I'm puffin' away again. During my carefree periods I actually care about my physical health, but when I'm severely depressed I immediately start craving the smokes and copious amounts of junkfood and alcohol. So in my case, there's a self-destructive element involved. Also, an addiction gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, so there's an upside to it as well...  ;)

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Hi,

This is a great topic, thanks for writing about it.

Echo, how long has your mom been off them ... you said she had hypnosis?

Olga, how long have you been off them?

Some people have hobbies and stuff; well, I smoke.

I quit for five years once, and one year twice. My last attempt was a month in February 2005. And there's a lot of $$ from public health & gov.t sponsoring programs... the one I've gone to a lot lets people just keep coming back... even though they structure it through about 7 or 8 groups. It's just that I hate the idea that I failed (in March) and having to go back to the classes... drive to the Univ. park in the horribly crowded hospital structure (where people smoke right by the doors to the hospital).... and then walk ab out two miles through the place to find the goddam room which keeps changing... yes, the class leader is an addiction specialist and we breathed into a CO2 thing... or maybe it was carbon monoxide...

anyhow, I think the smoking, and hating myself for doing it, yet doing it, is part of my depression, it's something I guess I beat myself up for ... reminds me of years ago when I drank wine at night and would wake up with self loathing.

It's like, well world, if things are crappy then who cares? My old tdoc said that my smoking was sort of like having one foot in the going forward ok mode and one foot in the let's die mode...

The patch does ease things. Also new product sort of: a lozenge, instead of the yukky gum.

It's not the quitting, it's the staying quit by doing other things that is the hardest for me, and my brain just, after quitting, will slip into the "well, one won't hurt!"

Two times I've restarted by swiping butts out of ashtrays, yech, isn't that dirty? So of course, buying my own was like MUCH CLEANER so I did that...

It's pretty bad,

Luli2545

I want to be a non smoker

I want to live

I don't know how to live

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Luli, sorry it took me so long to reply. I've been mega super busy as of late.

Anyways, yeah, mom did hypnosis, the patch, zyban (wellbutrin) all before. This time all she used was the patch and tic tacs (for those need something to do to take my mind off it) moments. She lasted... 3 months I believe? Then one day near the end of June while we were shopping at this crazy insane mall and had both had the WORST day ever we both caved. I broke my more than a year mark for having quitted and she broke her more than 3 months mark. Damn. *sigh* So I've been smoking since then and I THINK (and hope) that after the next 5 cigarettes (which is all I have left in my pack) I will be quitting. And I hope she will too. Grrrr. I hate the fact that I hate them, hate how much they cost, yet still crave them! Stupid mind. With the price or gas and cigarettes combined I'll probably have to declare bankrupty soon. Well, not really, but you know what I mean!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ive been smoking for 2 years and quit two weeks ago.

I had been trying to cut back for a while (to half a pack) but that didnt work.

But then three things happend...

a. I started taking wellbutrin (200mg)

b. i lost my drivers liscence (which is okay cause i dont have a car up here and plus i need to get a new one for this state)

c. my boyfriend (who smokes) left

So basically I got really sad when he left and started smoking pot after 3 years sober from it (really bad excuse since we have been in a longish distance relationship for about a year), since i was smoking weed i didnt really think about smoking cigarettes.

Then he, being a 4ish year clean meth addict, got pissed when he found out because he cant be around people who use drugs (plus ive fucked up like 4 or 5 other times before that with the drug thing).

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Smoking since 1993. Quit this past January until August. Then back on the smokes. BUT Ultra Lights and half a pack a day instead of a whole pack. Hoping to quit again in 2006. I feel like dog poo - headaches, sinus problems, lethargy, smelly, just overall icky.

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