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i have this delicious itch


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I'm not sure what you hope to achieve with this post, given that the board very clearly states that it's not about supporting or encouraging SI behaviour. Should we be dissuading you? Cheering you on? Triggering ourselves by agreeing how "delicious" it is??

geez.

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I'm not sure what you hope to achieve with this post, given that the board very clearly states that it's not about supporting or encouraging SI behaviour. Should we be dissuading you? Cheering you on? Triggering ourselves by agreeing how "delicious" it is??

geez.

the same thing that others achieve by posting threads about being depressed, suicidal, out of control manic, etc etc etc.

i'm not asking for encouragement to drag that razor across my flesh. i'm quite capable of doing so without your support.

i'm not asking you to convince me that it's harmful. clearly, i'm already aware of that.

i'm not asking that you be my cheerleader. if you're not straight out of "bring it on", you're not my kind of cheerleader.

i'm not asking you to agree or disagree with how i feel about cutting at the moment and i'm not asking you to validate or invalidate how i am feeling at the moment. i can't silence the voice in my head that urges me to carve up my flesh. it's something i am trying to work on. the feeling seems delicious right now, but that's a subjective term. i'd hope that readers would be able to recognize that. and also recognize that when i wrote this (and now too, i suppose) there's something not quite right in wmwid land.

it's a thread. this is how i feel at the moment. obviously, i am well aware that this is not a healthy or natural urge. were i not aware of this, i highly doubt that i would feel the need to post this in a "safe" (or rather, judgmental?) place where i can discuss my issues.

if i didn't beat myself up enough for you in my previous posts on this thread, too bad. i'm not going to apologize for feeling the way i do. i'm not going to stomp on my self-esteem and lament that i am a terrible person because i sometimes feel like cutting. i'm not going to punish myself for having self-destructive urges. that's unproductive and unhealthy. yes, cutting is unproductive and unhealthy as well, but i'm not perfect. i rather like keeping bits of my self-esteem intact. i think it helps me to avoid trying to fly.

i stated how i felt. others who responded were like a mirror, forcing me to take a look at myself and think about what is really going on inside my head and why my urge to si is so strong right now. my balance is out of whack, and i'm not quite sure how to achieve equilibrium again. and would certainly like to.

i didn't scream out "HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT!!!??" because it's self evident that if i'm posting it on this board, i'm searching for answers or explanations or help of some kind. i didn't think it necessary to state the painfully obvious.

on another note miab, if reading about si is so triggering for you, perhaps you shouldn't visit the cutting board.

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I wasn't going to add anything, because I didn't want to encourage this thread to go on. I don't belong to particular forums, I just read the new posts, but I have to say that your thread title was MORE than triggery, and you could have had the consideration to title it something more subdued, and if someone, an SI'er WANTED to read it, they do so at their own peril. But to call it a "delicious itch" in the title? That's just plain fucking immature. The only reason I even read it was because it pissed me off. Did it trigger me completely? No. Did it send a message to some part of me?... yeah.

Plain fucking immature.

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NONE of that was clear from your 2 short posts. NONE. I'm not a bloody mindreader. And using the word "delicious" gave what you said a particularly obnoxious and self-satisfied tone. Rab is absolutely right - it was irresponsible to post with a header like that without a trigger warning. I won't apologise for what I said.

If someone showed up on the BP board with a one sentence post along the lines of "ooh, I'm thinking about how fabulous it is to stop my meds and go without sleep for 2 weeks" they'd be called on it. And I wouldn't be the only one doing the calling.

If you're going to be so obtuse with what you post, you'd better damn well believe that you're going to get this kind of response.

And as for telling me not to visit the board? I'll read whatever the hell I want. In this case I also only opened the thread because the title pissed me off and I wanted to see what was going on.

Try thinking before posting next time.

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nobody asked you to apologize, miab. don't get your self-satisfied panties in a knot. i didn't ask you to not visit the board. i merely suggested that if you are easily triggered by posts about cutting or other forms of self-injury, you might want to re-evaluate the criteria you use when you choose whether or not to read a particular thread.

censoring myself is not something i do. the quality of any other words i could have chosen to describe how i am feeling would have been woefully inadequate. contrary to what some believe, semantics are important.

there are a number of things you angry kiddos could have done as an alternative to raising your self-righteous torches of healing. asking me to change a title, subtitle, or throw in some "triggery" emoticons would have be logical steps instead of making assumptions about the intent of my post.

as for the use of the word "delicious itch"? it's in the self-injury forum. what did you think it was going to be about? knitting scarves for the less fortunate? be sensible about what you read if you are sensitive to certain subjects. i specifically don't read threads/articles/stories/blogs about terminal illnesses. why? they fuck with my head. fortunately, i'm self-aware enough to know what i need to stay away from and don't feel the need to criticize how others describe their experience and feelings while they are struggling to deal with the slow, painful death of someone close to them.

time to flush my meds and not sleep for two weeks while i play with sharp objects.

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Woah, hold it people.

Firstly, WMWID it IS your responsibility to read the user terms and use a dead ed symbol for triggery terms. Just because this is a SI forum, it doesn't mean it's a free for all in terms of titles. Post what you like in terms of expressing how you feel, sure. I'm not wanting to mess your your semantics. But if you want to use this forum, then you have to play fair. You can do what you like in a blog, or in other forums. I actually feel we have one of the freest least eggshell type SI forums around. The point here is to use your head to consider other people and the impact of what you type. That is the responsibility that comes with being able to use this forum for support and post what you like.

I do think that some people have been somewhat judgmental about the content of your posts here.

We try to walk a fine line between not walking on eggshells, different things trigger different people. If you self harm as a result of reading this forum, then yes, it is your choice to self harm and your stuff to deal with. If reading it makes you self harm, then might be an idea to reconsider what threads you read. I have done that for a while now.

I do think that MiaB and Rab had a point about the ambiguity of the title. It would have been perfectly acceptable to use a fairly generic dead ed'd title, and then go write what you wanted in the post. At least you could have given people the choice to avoid this, rather than caught them unawares.

We both have to give each other some room, and help each other out. This board is definitely about support, there is a certain irony to people on a SI board being harsh and critical to each other, when SI is mostly a legacy of harshness and criticism. I thought we were about helping each other?

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'Please read and post on this board with caution. We're not asking anybody to self-censor, but contents of posts dealing with specific actions or graphic descriptions should be marked with the trigger icon ( Trigger.gif ), as should any posts containing intense emotional venting. Use some sense, and if you're in doubt, slap a Dead Ed on there. I mean, dude, it's a skull! Skulls are cool! Pirates use skulls all the time, and pirates are awesome!

Your friendly neighbourhood moderators reserve the right to mark a post as triggery, to ask you to tone down any overly-graphic posts, or to edit posts if necessary. This is on a case-by-case basis, and you're welcome to contact any of us privately if you feel the need to do so. We aren't going to give you shit for hurting yourself, but we do want to make sure that everybody stays safe.

The idea is to make this board a comfortable place to discuss self-injury and to help people work towards reducing or stopping self-injury by channeling those impulses into healthier actions.

This board, like all boards on CrazyBoards, is for the express purpose of helping you get better. Romanticising of self-injury is an offence punishable by a thoroughgoing stomping with the Big Stompy Boots of Stomping.

Be good. Any questions, feel free to PM the inmates. '

To reiterate the user agreement for this forum.

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