Whiskey_or_God Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 I haven't been sleeping much lately. Last night I was at his house. We had a great date, but when we got home, we tried to have sex and I couldn't. We're on again off again, so this would be our first time since August. We started to, and I just started freaking out and crying hard. But I thought that was stupid so I just turned myself off and stopped crying. Then I punched his wall, which is made of cement, and part of my hand is numb now. We talked for a bit, then we got a bit playful again. Not in the sex way, mind you. We both used to wrestle a bit, so we roll for fun sometimes. He wanted to show me a choke (which we do often), and while he arms were around my neck I just thought to myself "I could just not tap out and let him kill me." I thought it would be so perfect to just get choked by him, right there. It'd be so easy. I'd sleep, for fuck's sake. He screwed up his chokes, and instead of being solely blood chokes, he was crushing my windpipe and making me cough, so he kept stopping. When I told him I wanted him to kill me he got all sad. Then I was up all night. Didn't sleep. Can't eat. Today I just want to fight everyone. Crush, destroy, explode. I haven't tried to kill myself in 7 years, I don't know what the fuck is happening in my head right now. My support group doesn't meet until Thursday and I didn't know who to tell. My friends would overreact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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