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Anger and fits of rage.


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Lately I have been having fits of rage in my mind. I have visions of me hurting others in sick ways. The impulses are starting to become stronger and I am getting closer to acting on them. I was wondering if anyone else has these urges or fits of rage. thanks for any input.

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Yep, I get rage too. People wouldn't think it to look at me, but there are many *many* times I've wanted to do fatal harm to someone for the smallest of transgression. It's a good thing I have this very sweet public face... Topamax helps me a great deal with that rage issue. And everyone else is right - definitely something you want to talk to the pdoc about.

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I agree with the idea of Risperdal helping with the agression. I'm not sure if it helps with the thoughts in addition to the actions. better to get this dealt with right away. A psych ward is a better alternative to prison. Too many people end up in the prison system with no access to psych meds. It is better for everyone if you get treatment and show an interest in getting help. An ounce of prevention is worth a lb of cure.

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A psych ward is a better alternative to prison.

Can't disagree to that! For me the only reason I ever got treatment was cuz my rage got the better of me and I ended up in jail--but they didn't help me, nooo, I just had to get broken to the point where I went to seek help myself.

Don't let it get there. Once you're inside--yeah, you can get meds, shit they say Montana's prison system is the State's largest mental health service provider--but that's a shitty way to get treatment, and I bet even this early in the year that'll be my understatement of the year.

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I know that for me, there's this weird, sick enjoyment of the feeling of rage,
what is UP with that!? i used to get that too. i always knew my behaviors were wrong; afterwards i was eaten alive by guilt and remorse. but in the moment, during the *episode* ... i ALWAYS enjoyed it. i guess if it's part of the dysporic mania thing it makes sense and all, having that whole power trip, could conquer the world feeling. but to me, in retrospect, it always felt like being possesed or something. talk about scary sh*t.

anyway, for whatever reason cymbalta/depakote have knocked out my rages.

and i have to agree ... a psych ward is indeed a better alternative to prison. i coulda woulda shoulda been in jail many times over, but the fates spared me.

bottom line is this can get fixed, so hang in there ... and good luck.

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Risperdal was a bit effective for me, but I slept all the time. I've tried various combos, but I'm now on lamictal and seroquel, and only 10mg lexapro. It was the lexapro that knocked it out. I'm on a fine balance, am having racing thoughts, but my sleep is okay, not hypomanic, I just feel calm(er). And I'm BP, so finding the right AD was quite a trial, a lot of them threw me into mixed states.

Just for what it's worth. Yeah, the anger and rages are pretty bad, the homicidal rages scare me.

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Add me to the long list of "oh yeah's" here...I was doing awesome with this until my pdoc added depakote to my cocktail and lately they've been coming back...more in an irritable, mommy dearest, I wanna beat you with a wire hanger way, as opposed to, I wanna push you in front of a subway train way.

There were very definitive degrees to my rage and still are...what Ten said about being posessed is true...before meds, I never noticed the utter and complete horrified and shocked looks on people's faces when I'd lose it (mostly verbally). It's only happened twice since I've been medicated and the looks made me so sad and shameful...I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

It feels good not to feel that way anymore (well, except for the last two stupid weeks of depakote).

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I've gotten a lot better about the rage thing since starting my Lamictal. It keeps me pretty cool, so I do okay. I do an online mood tracker now, and that really helps me stay aware of my moods. By keeping track of that stuff, I know when best to avoid alcohol (if I'm elevated, I don't feel the drowsiness of booze, and I have enough energy and stupidity to start fights), or when to just simply avoid crowded spaces and other people. So that's been good.

I also got "Fight" and "Flight" tattooed on my arm. It makes me pause and think "Okay. What did I promise myself with this tattoo? That I'd think about what's best before acting on it." And it works for me. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone (tattoos are not the answer!), but it's been more beneficial as a behavioral reminder than I expected it to be.

I've been doing more shutting of the trap and walking away than attempting to break bottles in peoples' faces. Every now and then I even do nice things for strangers.

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Guest BerryBlast

AN1, do be careful as to how detailed you get with your descriptions of rage and such. You can't be sure how people will react, even here. Especially don't hint that you're close to acting on them. Be vague. CB, like any such form, is not a safe place to discuss such things in detail, even if you're not going to act.

Be careful.

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AN1, do be careful as to how detailed you get with your descriptions of rage and such. You can't be sure how people will react, even here. Especially don't hint that you're close to acting on them. Be vague. CB, like any such form, is not a safe place to discuss such things in detail, even if you're not going to act.

Be careful.

Those feelings have gone away and I'm going to see my doctor soon so I'm not worried. If you knew me then you would know that is not like me that I'm a pretty laid back, mellow kind of guy.

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On the subject of what is and isn't safe to post here:

The mods have a judgment call to make in each case. We'd be open to liability if someone did get hurt and we had prior knowledge it would happen and didn't report it to law enforcement, the user agreement clearly lays out that any illegal activity cannot be covered up by us. We are not just protecting CB, we are protecting our users and those around them. It is the same as if a friend or a relative IRL told you that they had firm plans to harm someone, or they talked about it as if they were likely to. You would have the same duty that we do.

Now, I have had violent impulses, to myself and others. I know what intrusive, unwanted thoughts like that are, I understand the experience of having a compulsion to do something that most of me reacts to with disgust. I do understand the small part of me that likes those thoughts also. I have been through it. So I have a lot of sympathy for people with that stuck in their head with nowhere to vent it.

However, we have to keep each other safe, and sometimes we have to make decisions about what people post, and whether it is a real risk. It is difficult because some mods know users better, or for longer, and can judge their posts better. Some mods have a better understanding or more personal experience of intrusive violent thoughts. But we all do the best that we can in the limited circumstances that we have.

If the idea of us mods having that responsibility frightens or unnerves anyone, then they need to figure out where else they can take these issues. In my time as a mod, I can only think of one occasion where we have needed to take this sort of situation further, and it was a clear incident where everyone agreed we had to act.

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AN1, do be careful as to how detailed you get with your descriptions of rage and such. You can't be sure how people will react, even here. Especially don't hint that you're close to acting on them. Be vague. CB, like any such form, is not a safe place to discuss such things in detail, even if you're not going to act.

Be careful.

Whine fucking whine. The mere fact that someone is worried about what they think and posts about it is a big indicator that they are not inclined to act on their impulses, regardless of details. Hey--I want to off my cowrokers. I have a specific pla, including locking down the building. Call the feds! WOOT WOOT!!

But dude, we all know I ain't gonna do it, cuz I got more important shit than offing a buncha whiny fucks that don't know what it takes to fight just to be somewhere in the "normal" range.

As long as there are no threats against people or animals, I see no problems. Impulses or thoughts are just those--we ALL have them, and we can't get help to deal with them if we are afraid to vocalize (or type) them. We're all freaks of a feather here. Some of us are prone to rages of an extreme nature (yes Viringia I LOVE to punch out windows). The only way to get help is to ask those who know and the only way to find those who know is to be honest--an alcoholic doesn't get help from a smoker and a meth addict can only get a wee bit of help from an alcoholic.

A cry for help is just that--a cry for HELP dammit. I, for one, don't call feds on someone who needs help. I just call 'em on sociopaths and the like. And I know the difference.

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Those feelings have gone away and I'm going to see my doctor soon so I'm not worried. If you knew me then you would know that is not like me that I'm a pretty laid back, mellow kind of guy.

im glad to hear that the feelings have gone away. i dont know what having those feelings is like cuz im very reactive and just 'go off' when they rage strikes me (throwing stuff and screaming and cussing, not actually anything to be jailed for), but i can imagine what a torment it must be for you.

and im glad you decided to share those feelings here. it helps to 'get them out of your head' a bit. kwim? i think its only bad to post about feelings if you actually act on them. evidence and all. but posting as you did, for moral support, is what you should get, and include me in the list of those hoping you feel better soon and the dr can help you sort it all out.

hang in there and keep us posted.

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Lately I have been having fits of rage in my mind. I have visions of me hurting others in sick ways. The impulses are starting to become stronger and I am getting closer to acting on them. I was wondering if anyone else has these urges or fits of rage. thanks for any input.

I've had those too. Geodon and Trileptal help curb it...

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Add me to the long list of "oh yeah's" here...I was doing awesome with this until my pdoc added depakote to my cocktail and lately they've been coming back...more in an irritable, mommy dearest, I wanna beat you with a wire hanger way, as opposed to, I wanna push you in front of a subway train way.

There were very definitive degrees to my rage and still are...what Ten said about being posessed is true...before meds, I never noticed the utter and complete horrified and shocked looks on people's faces when I'd lose it (mostly verbally). It's only happened twice since I've been medicated and the looks made me so sad and shameful...I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

It feels good not to feel that way anymore (well, except for the last two stupid weeks of depakote).

You know, I had that same reaction to Depakote. Was the first thing they tried me on, after the Lithium didn't work, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was smashing dishes, punching walls, and stabbing tables with knives. I hadn't been medicated for very long, and usually was able to keep my rage internalized. Scared the crap out of my kids... Lucky for me, my pdoc figured it out and took me off of the Depakote, but not until after I'd gained 60 pounds. :-/

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