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new reaason to not sleep


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Okay, so I've been working and working on sleep hygiene and different meds and all and am now sleeping *kinda* well - better than before, anyway. So, here's the problem - I've started seeing someone and when he sleeps in the same bed as I do, I'm back to square one - no sleep at all. I'm comfortable, I love him lying there next to me, I'm content, I take my meds, turn on my fan (my personal choice of white noise) and stay awake all night. I've been single for most of my life and right now I'm terrified that I won't ever be able to have both lying next to someone and getting any sleep. Any ideas?

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insomnia tears people up. it is sometimes a cause of depression or othertimes a symptom. i have the good fortune of now having a happy, healthy state of mind. when now confronted by the certainty that sleep is not in the cards for me-i don't despair and reach for strong meds- i find something to do all through the night.

i don't believe anyone has gone to their deaths directly from loosing a bunch of sleep. so i am now in a frame of mind that makes it possible to shrug a night's loss of sleep off. i know that i will fade out within a few day's time, when ever my c.clock makes it's decision.

if you wouldn't object, then i would offer that you are in good shape and to not be taking sleeping pills (strong rx kind) as they, after a long spell, kicked me into the pits of depession that i had not plumbed even decades ago during narcotic withdrawals.

pretty nice that you have found someone that you dig and if you are good people i would wish that you found an even better man to tear up the town with.

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A change in your routine might exacerbate insomnia. You might adapt in a few months. (When you're relationship isn't so "new"!)

Until then, you could always use a sleep aid - trazodone, Ambien, natural stuff - whatever works for you. You may or may not be shying away from sleep aids, but it is super important that you get sleep. Lack of sleep makes all other problems ten times worse.

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Thanks for the replies. I take ambien on an "as needed" basis - basically, I can usually tell when a sleepless night is coming on, and if I need to be functioning well the next day, I take it. My Dx is depression, and the more I work on that, the better the insomnia is. I've been taking the ambien whenever he's here, but it hasn't helped. I'm hoping that I'll get used to this new routine like you suggested, jenesaisquois.

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Some other things you can do is---and I hope I'm not being too personal---have sex early rather than late. Sex seems to put men to sleep and wake women up. I'm not sure why that is. Anyway, if you could do it fairly early, so your body has a chance to slow down--that might help.

And if you have an evening routine that you've been doing, keep up with it. (Cup of herb tea, a certain order of brushing your teeth and other night-time things, taking pills, etc.)

I think it's the newness of the boyfriend that might be disrupting your sleep. Once you get used to him being there you might just drift off each night.

olga

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  • 1 month later...

((I know this was posted awhile ago, I'm sorry I'm so late!))

I've basically been living with my boyfriend for 9 months. I still can't sleep if we're touching while I'm falling asleep, as for some reason my heart starts racing and everything that is uncomfortable seems ten times more uncomfortable and I'm terrified if I move, I'll wake him up, etc. I know these aren't rational thoughts or rational what I am physically feeling, but I can't help it!

At first I couldn't fall asleep even if he wasn't touching me. I was scared of waking him up, or... I don't even know what it was! But it was the same panicky feeling. That eventually went away, thankfully. I still have insomnia though, but none of the "OH MY GOD HE'S IN BED WITH ME MUST BE QUIET AND STILL AS A CHURCH MOUSE.." etc. and just other indescribable feelings. Sometimes sleeping pills help, sometimes they don't, but at least they sometimes help now, where as before when I first started sleeping in the same bed with my boyfriend, they didn't at all.

So hopefully this means, if it hasn't already, that you'll get used to him being in the bed with you and it won't be an issue when it comes to you sleeping or not.

Take care!

Tinneas

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Thanks, guys! Tinneas, I understand exactly what you mean - I could worry all night about whether or not I'm keeping him awake. Thankfully, I've started to care less (not in a bad way - just getting more comfortable with him). Sadly, though, it hasn't been an issue lately because between him working 14 hours 6 days a week lately and me being in a pretty low place MI-wise, it's been a little while since there was a sleepover. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing - I've really been putting more into this relationship than he has been and I'm done with that. I'm just kind of taking a break from it to take care of myself for a little bit and if it's still a thing when I'm ready, we'll see where to go from there.

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