Bipiolar. Me? nah i don't think so

[lachesis]

Yes I too am having a difficult time accepting the bipolar dx.

I like the idea of being called crazy not otherwise specified.

I know people with bipolar and well I just can't ever see myself in a manic spending spree, manic sex, or manic anything.

The times where I have been psychotic and spent tons was to donate items to charity for feeling guilt...delusional guilt.

My psychotic episodes and delusions don't seem like mania at all

.

Yes I did once think I was a stock trader/brooker person how can that be considered delusions of grandeur? I am capricorn.

Tons of delusional guilt during depression so that I can't deny that in any way.

How could I have been depressed and taking antidepressants for years without them triggering mania in me like they are supposed to with bipolar? Well yes Effexor adjustments bring me up instantly, but that is well know to be a stimulating AntiD.

Even my best friend is now diagnosed bipolar and I have a hard time accepting that. Yes she has anxiety and procastinates like crazy, but it is because we have know each other before we got sick.

Or rather she met me during a stable period where I thought my mental stuff was safely in the past because I had learnt lots about myself and was doing great.

I thought I was home-free mentally, safe, and fine. Wrong. It came back and life became worse than ever before. I was prescribed medicine (prozac) which I did NOT fill the prescription (the biggest mistake of my life that I will NEVER get over and will regret forever). "insert the worst thing you can imagine.....right here*. I did not think I was depressed. I thought the doctor was mistaken...I was IRRITABLE yes. If that doctor had said that the medication would help irritability I would have taken it. I was mistaken. I thought all new mothers were irritable from lack of sleep and with waking up with the babies all night. Of course I 'thought' I was happy cause I was doing great in life with things going how I most wanted.

A million years later

Fast forward to life now:

So I read that anti-pychotics-mood-stabilizers are used to augment antiD for depression and oh how I wanted them because of this and nothing could help me more.

So yeah lots of delusions/psychosis/and irritability

Yes I go days without sleeping, but again I have the type of depression where I can easily get to not sleep or eat.

I prefer the schizo-affective diagnosis cause that seems to put more emphasize on the psychosis which, to me, is the most prominent feature for the past several years. My psychiatrist believes that hypomania/mania does not happen with pschizo-affective and I know that is not correct cause the medical literature says so.

So depression meds poop out for me every other month. Do bipolar meds also? Or is that the nature of the illness (bipolar)-to keep getting worse?

[lysergia]

i have no idea where bipolar stops and psychosis begins, or if they happen together, or seperate, or what. my diagnoses have been so screwed up around these things for so long, frustrating isn't it?

what jumped out at me was your describing your "psychotic guilt". when i'm in a depressive cycle (like now, oh joy), i will get to a point where i believe terrible things are because of me and i must constantly atone, even by doing things like giving my stuff away (i've even given away my money, my clothes, and the food in my cupboards before). is that what it's like for you, that no matter what you do you're still guilty and something MUST be done?

i never called that psychotic before but it kinda is, isn't it? i mean it really isn't based in reality, what i'm doing.... is it for you?

hope you get some good diagnostic answers from the beepers here. i'm NOS in that category like everything else :/

[resonance]

Antidepressants don't always trigger mania/hypomania in bipolar people, it's just common. Another common pattern is for them to work for a while and then stop working.

Yes, mania/hypomania can happen with schizoaffective, although it doesn't have to - schizoaffective can be diagnosed even if the only mood symptom is depression. Is getting a second opinion an option for you? The difference (which you may already know) is that in schizoaffective psychosis also happens in the absence of mood symptoms.

[null0trooper]

Yes, mania/hypomania can happen with schizoaffective, although it doesn't have to - schizoaffective can be diagnosed even if the only mood symptom is depression. Is getting a second opinion an option for you? The difference (which you may already know) is that in schizoaffective psychosis also happens in the absence of mood symptoms.

Maybe not the best write-up, but Mental Health America agrees that schizoaffective disorder can blur the lines with (unipolar) depression as well as bipolar.

[lachesis]

Lysergia, the guilt is not constant and becomes pathological and extreme and occurs when I am having other symptoms of psychosis ie people are following me / my neighbors are members of the police.

Hi resonance I won't go for a second opinion cause I think Null has hit the nail on the head. The hospital doctors dx me with schizoaffective, but mentioned I need someone to follow me long term to know for sure and that is this psychiatrist who I see now.

Thank you Null trooper. I keep forgetting about that part of requiring psychosis in the absence of mood symptoms for the dx of schizo-affective. When I am crazy I have mood symptoms without a doubt.