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How to handle changes in relationship because of getting better


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I haven't drank for about 7-1/2 months (had an addiction problem) and my manic depression has been, mostly, under control. In a word, I'm getting better.

Though he's glad for the change, this is proving to be difficult for my husband. After a decade of managing my illness, waiting for the other shoe to drop, his role is changing, as is mine. It's really stressing him out and one way he's handling it is to go out more with co-workers and friends. This leaves me at home at night, alone, a danger to my sobriety and my depression. I do have things a couple of nights a week but it's tough for me to go out late because of my meds.

I was just wondering how others have dealt with the changes within relationships with significant others through all this. It's not a bed of roses and many more stresses seem to have arisen than previously for me.

Thanks.

- Kiki

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Maybe now that you are better and his care taking role is needed less because you are out of the crisis phase, he can go out a few nights a week and socialize solo? I don't think that is unhealthy or a relationship problem unless you cannot find ways to amuse yourself, or have no friends of your own to see. Are there friends or relatives that you can see, or a hobby that you can take time over when he goes out?

The danger to your sobriety nad depression is you and your choices. Having your hub around 24-7 won't cushion you from it forever. Maybe now is a chance to build new coping skills that will empower you, and this could be a good new start for you both.

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He obviously is celebrating that he doesn't have to be on pins and needles, watching you every second. But I would be a little pissed with 2 or 3 nights a week. Sounds like a conversation is in order--so you can recognize, and praise the support and help he has given you, and that you know he feels safe enough to leave you. Thats a really BIG THING, believe me!!

Maybe you could make a deal--each of you has a night out alone, and one night out together, so you can enjoy being stable and actually having fun with someone you care about. The night together doesn't even have to be out--maybe watching a movie at home, but make it a "date night" kind of thing so you two can get to know each other again. Lets face it, he knows you as an addict and someone he worries about and needs to care for. And you now him as someone you can count on in bad times, who will help and support you. You need to learn to be just a couple again--you may learn much more about each other, and your relationship will improve. He sounds like a keeper, no matter what--

Just a thought--

china

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